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Leading You Me We 13 Leading Yourself

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Session 13
Leading Yourself
• To be an effective leader, practice leading yourself physically, intellectually, 
emotionally, and spiritually.
• This session is about leading yourself emotionally.
• If you're going to be a leader, you start by leading yourself and controlling your 
emotions.
• Positive emotions charge us with energy. Negative emotions drain energy.
• Becoming emotionally responsible means taking responsibility for our own emotions.
1. The belief that emotions are something that "happen to us" is deeply engrained in 
our society. That we are "at effect" of our emotions. Our emotions simply come and 
control us, and we have to live with it.
2. Most of us make ourselves emotional victims.
3. The first sign of emotional growth is taking responsibility for your own emotions.
• Emotions seem like they come from nowhere, but they don't. When we see where 
they come from, then we can deal with them.
1. "Keep a guardian at the gates of perception."
• Don't try to control the emotions directly. Control the things that are causing them: 
pictures, tone, etc.
• Learn to control the triggers that start the emotions, and now we can exercise some 
control over them. We are no longer victims.
• The thing most correlated with success isn't IQ... it's Emotional Intelligence.
• Great leaders demonstrate positive emotions: love, gratitude, etc.
• Love and acceptance make you a better leader.
1. Technically excellent therapists sometimes don't get good results because they 
aren't doing therapy to help the other person, but rather to show off.
2. Technically poor therapists sometimes get great results because they accept their 
patients unconditionally. They love them.
3. Great leadership comes from the heart, not just the mind.
• In order to change something, you must first fully accept it.
1. Most people try to change the thing before they fully accept it. When we do this, 
we experience resistance.
2. Accept = Change.
3. Martial arts example: If you want to redirect your opponent, join their energy and 
movement first.
• When we're dealing with someone we REALLY don't like, and they are doing 
something you find completely unacceptable or wrong, get to the point where you 
can honestly say:
1. I would do the same thing if I were you. If I were born you, and had those same 
experiences, and had your model of the world, I would have done the same thing.
2. That was the right thing to do from your perspective, even if your perspective was 
misguided. I get it.
3. Behind every action, there is a positive intention.
• We like to take the person who is REALLY bugging us, and say they are an exception 
to the rule. That's a mistake.
• Perception is projection.
1. We can't see things that aren't inside of us. If we see it, it's inside of us already.
2. So when you judge someone else as being a bad person, they're doing wrong, 
they're hurting other people... you're recognizing negative aspects about yourself 
in them.
3. Those things are shadow qualities of you that you haven't fully accepted yet. Part 
of the purpose of life may be to accept those qualities in your life, and become a 
more integrated human being.
4. "You spot it, you got it."
• Every human has the capacity to do what any other human has done, no matter how 
"bad."
1. Accept all of your potentialities, and accept others' too.

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