Preparing-for-College-Success-WEB_s0m0YMs NUMERO 3-37

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Managing Conflict with a Professor
Now that you know how to develop a meaningful connection with your professors, let’s address how to deal
with some common issues that can arise and how to communicate clearly and professionally. While college is
often portrayed as freedom, exploration, and fun, there may be a time (or multiple times) that is stressful or
discouraging. These times can occur when you are not happy with an assignment, classmate, discussion topic,
a response to something you did or did not do, feedback on your work, or a grade. Any time you find yourself
worried, upset, or angry about an event or experience with a professor, take these steps so that you can
resolve the issue quickly and positively.
Step 1. Take a deep breath and write down what happened. Do this before you speak to your professor.
Both activities, breathing and writing, will help you calm down and focus. It will also help you gather your
thoughts.
Step 2. Make an appointment with your professor. Don’t try to resolve the issue before, during, or after
class as those are not ideal times to talk about an important issue unless it is the only availability you and the
professor have. Explain why you want to meet to help the professor prepare. This is especially helpful if you
have received a low grade as your professor may want to review the assignment or test beforehand.
Step 3. Explain the issue as clearly as possible. This is where the written account may help. Focus on what
you experienced, heard, or read. Here is an example of a statement about a classmate’s rude behavior that a
professor would want to know: “When I spoke up in class about the need for more resources for immigrants,
my classmate said under his breath ‘They should just go back to where they belong. I don’t know why you
care.’”
Step 4. Share how you felt about the event. It is important to acknowledge your emotions, but you don’t
have to dwell on them. They will, however, provide some context as to why you feel the issue needs to be
resolved. Here is an example: “I was surprised when Jarod said that when I was speaking and it made me mad
that he would interrupt me with such a statement.”
Step 5. Provide a potential solution or ask for assistance resolving the issue. The phrases “Can you help
me understand…?” and “Can you help me resolve this issue?” are both good ways to frame this part of the
process when speaking to your professor. Be prepared to listen, take notes, and make a list of steps you can
take.
A special word about resolving issues with grades, especially final grades. Your professors are human and may
make mistakes as they grade and return your work. While it may be a rare occurrence, it is worth discussing
what to do if this happens. Here are a few suggestions to help you resolve questions about grades.
• Reach out as soon as you notice a grade that is lower than expected. Don’t wait until the end of the term
to question a grade from months earlier.
• If it is a grade on an assignment or test during the term, request a meeting in person or carefully ask in an
email if you can get additional information about what you did or didn’t do that contributed to the grade.
• If it is a final grade, reach out in person, by phone, or email, but be sure to follow these guidelines:
◦ Provide your name; student identification number (if needed); the course name, number, and day/time
if you are leaving a message or emailing about the grade.
◦ Ask if there has been a calculation error if the grade is lower than you expected.
◦ Do not beg, whine, or threaten if the grade is lower than you wanted, but what you earned. If you did
not complete assignments on time, follow directions, or submit quality work, then your professor is not
obligated to give you a higher grade.
As with all your relationships in college, think about them in terms of building your network that will help you
throughout college and after graduation. While you cannot avoid conflict–or bad experiences–you can manage
how you respond to them and how you work with others, especially professors, to resolve issues.
6.2 • Building Relationships in College 171
Directions: Emailing a professor about a failing or low grade can be difficult. Consider the two emails below
and determine their strengths and weaknesses. Then, write your own email that includes the best
strategies that are discussed in the section titled Managing Conflict with a Professor.
Email 1
TO: ajames@college.edu
FROM: rjenkins@college.edu
SUBJ: (no subject)
Hey! Why did you give me an F in your course? I thought I would get a C because I turned everything in. Can
you email me back and explain?
Rob
Email 2
TO: ajames@college.edu
FROM: rjenkins@college.edu
SUBJ: Question about Final Grade: R Jenkins Student ID 0325
Prof. James,
I am in your CSCI 1401 Computer Science course on MWF at 9:00 and noticed that my final grade was a 79,
but I had it calculated as an 82 after you graded the last project. Can you let me know if this is an error or if
I calculated incorrectly? If it is easier to talk by phone or in person, let me know and I will provide some
times and my phone number.
Rob Jenkins
Your Email
Write an email to a professor in which you ask about a grade that is lower than you expected.
Developing Relationships with Others
In addition to developing relationships with professors, you will encounter a variety of people in different roles
that are part of a fulfilling experience. Don’t overlook the opportunity to create deep, meaningful relationships
with others as they will be part of your network for support during college. Here are some categories of people
you will want to create intentional relationships with and what they can do to help you succeed in college.
• Classmates. It seems obvious that you want to develop relationships with people in your classes, but
many students overlook their fellow colleagues as potential friends or support networks. Classmates can
help you learn the material when they serve as tutors or study buddies, and they can be an emotional
support when you suffer a setback in a course.
• Roommates. If you live on campus or away from home in off-campus housing, you may have a
roommate. A roommate can also become a good friend who can make you feel more at home while you
are away from your family.
• Peers. Your peers are people who are other students who populate the college campus. You will
encounter them when you join organizations, attend events, or use certain services on campus such as
tutoring. Many colleges employ fellow college students on campus to manage a residential hall, serve
ACTIVITY
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food in the cafeteria, and hand out sports equipment at the gym. Your peers also run organizations such
as clubs, professional-interest meetings, and Greek fraternities and sororities. Developing relationships
with your peers can help you expand your network and create connections with people who you may find
helpful when you launch your career.
• Mentors. Many colleges provide opportunities for students to participate in mentorship programs. Your
institution may have formal and informal programs that you can participate in to be mentored by a peer, a
faculty or staff member, or even an alumnus in a career field that interests you. Mentors can provide you
with advice and support as you work on your college and career goals.
• Advisors. While there are many different roles on a college campus that could be included in this list,
advisors deserve a special place because they are crucial to your success; they are also the first place to go
when a student has an issue. Some advisors spend considerable time with students to help them choose a
major and create a schedule each semester that will enable them to graduate. Others serve as a sounding
board for students who are struggling in a class and deciding whether or not to drop. Developing a
relationship with your advisor has obvious benefits: They get to knowwhat your goals are and can help
you refine them. They also are very knowledgeable about how to navigate the processes of completing a
degree.
Figure 6.5 Even if you choose your own roommate, managing the relationship can be challenging and involve compromise. You’ll
need to figure out when you study, which items you share, and how close a friendship you’ll have. (Credit: Residorm Mugla
Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC-BY 2.0))
Developing quality relationships takes time, effort, and intentionality, but the rewards are many. Consider
expanding your network each semester you are in college so that you have a rich, diverse group of people
whom you know and can count on to help you reach your goals.
Are there any relationships from the list above that will be easier for you to develop? Are there any that will
be harder to develop? What do you think will be your biggest challenge in creating a network while you are
in college? What can you do to create a network that includes a variety of different people in it?
Addressing Family Matters
A discussion about relationships while you are in college would not be complete without mentioning family
(and even friends). For many students, the support they receive from family is key to their feelings of stability
and support. However, there may be times that you experience tension or confusion with your family.
ANALYSIS QUESTION
6.2 • Building Relationships in College 173
Pressures arise from differences in experience or perspective, the financial aspects of college, and simply
undergoing an evolution in your relationship. You may notice that your emotionally-supportive family is
unable to help you navigate the college experience or give advice about what you should do. Other students
may experience conflict when they choose a major or career pathway that goes against the wishes or
expectations of family members. Finally, college students with children (or younger family members they care
for) often feel overwhelmed when balancing their responsibilities; they may at the same time experience guilt
or disappointment due to time spent away from the kids. Here are some times in which you may find that
dealing with family can be difficult.
• When you leave the family to attend college. Moving out can challenge a family if they expect or wish
that you were still part of their day-to-day activities.
• During holidays and breaks. Adapting to the schedule of the family can be challenging after your
freedom to come and go (and go to bed and get up) when you want to.
• When you experience a failure or setback. Letting your family know you failed a test or a course or
didn’t get accepted in a program may concern them.
• When you decide on a college major. Choosing a major they are not familiar with or they worry won’t
lead to a specific job after college can contribute to their anxiety about your success.
• When you decide to continue your education beyond your undergraduate degree. Deciding to take
on more debt or take longer to be “done” with your education can cause worry about your future.
• When you choose a career pathway. Choosing a career that they are not familiar with or do not approve
of can cause stress in your relationship.
• When you choose to participate in another experience rather than return home. Choosing a different
experience (such as studying abroad) instead of going back home could make them feel left out of your
life.
• If you decide to stop out, drop out, or transfer. Making a major decision that can have emotional and
financial implications can upset your family if they have a firm belief in what you should do.
While it may seem obvious, it is worth stating this clearly: Your life is your life and the choices you make should
be the ones you want to make. This may be difficult to do if your family is relying on you or you are relying on
them for financial or emotional support. Honest conversations about what you want to do with your life and
how you want to get there are always good first steps in managing any potential conflict. You may also want to
keep in mind a few of these opportunities for you to help them understand your experience:
• Keep the lines of communication open. Clear communication about what you are studying, what you
like and don’t like, and how you are changing can head off surprises should you find that what you
thought you wanted to study and what you thought you wanted to do with your life changes. If you
experience a setback or a failure, be honest about it and demonstrate how you will get back on track.
• Share with them some of your experiences. While you don’t have to recreate the lecture that blew your
mind, you can share what you are learning or doing that is exciting you and developing your curiosity or
purpose.
• Assure them of the support you are receiving from your network. Most families worry when they are
unsure of how you are making major life decisions. Let them know what resources, offices, and people are
providing advice and support as you move through college. If you change your major after talking with
your advisor and reviewing what you need to do to still graduate on time, let your family know!
• Let go of your expectations. In some cases, your family may just not understand because they haven’t
gone to college or they have not experienced what you have. You may just need to let go of the
expectation that they will be able to provide the type of support that you want or need.
• Create boundaries. If you feel as though your family is overstepping their role in your life decisions, set
clear, firm boundaries about what help or advice you will and will not accept. Creating boundaries is part
of every healthy relationship and parents and family members should be no different. If you have to
decide that you cannot discuss your career plans with your family because the conversation devolves into
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shouting, then you must create boundaries to protect your mental health.
6.3 Working in Groups
Estimated completion time: 18 minutes.
Questions to Consider:
• What are the benefits of working in groups?
• What can I do to work effectively in a group?
Benefits of Working in Groups
When a professor assigns group work, most students initially cringe because they have had poor experiences
collaborating on a project. Many of them have tales of group members who didn’t contribute equally or who
disappeared altogether. It is no wonder that a popular meme includes a photo of a casket being lowered into
the ground with the words “When I die, I want my group members to lower me into my grave so they can let
me down one last time.” We can laugh at this extreme reaction, but there is some truth in feeling
apprehension about being disappointed by others. This section makes the case that if you know more about
how group dynamics can and should work and how to communicate effectively during the process of
completing a group project, you are more likely to have a positive – or successful – experience.
Figure 6.6 Group work will be an important and sometimes high-stakes aspect of many classes and perhaps entire programs.
Understanding group work requirements and dynamics, particularly in different learning environments, is important for success.
(Credit: Residorm Mugla Attribution 2.0 Generic (CC-BY 2.0))
Why do professors assign group projects if they are often fraught with challenges? Perhaps it is because group
projects are probably the most “real world” experience you will do in college. Very rarely will you be asked to
create a report, present to a client, develop a new product or treatment, or fix a problem without working with
others and depending on them to do their parts in a timely and professional manner. The more practice you
have developing your own skills as a group member and troubleshooting when things don’t go smoothly, the
more nimble you will be when you have to collaborate in your job.
If you approach working in groups byanticipating the challenges and developing strategies to minimize their
negative impact, you will be able to weather the stresses more successfully. Table 6.1 provides some common
challenges that you may experience working in a group and reviews the strategies you can use to minimize or
eliminate the challenges.
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	Chapter 6 Building Relationships
	6.3 Working in Groups