The Power Of Body Language Workbook

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<p>WORKBOOK</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>2</p><p>IMPORTANT</p><p>To begin — Please save this</p><p>workbook to your desktop</p><p>or in another location.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>3</p><p>TABLE OF CONTENTS</p><p>Introduction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5</p><p>How to Use This Workbook . . . . . . . . . . . .5</p><p>Session One . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6</p><p>My Three Brains . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6</p><p>The Freeze/Flight/Fight Response . . . . . . . . . . . . .7</p><p>Pacifiers—They’re Not Only for Babies . . . . . . . . .7</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session One . . . . . . . . . . .7</p><p>Session Two . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8</p><p>Ten Cardinal Rules of Observation . . . . . . . . . . . .8</p><p>The Feet Don’t Lie . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .8</p><p>She’s Got Legs, and She Knows How</p><p>to Use Them . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10</p><p>Take a Stance . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .11</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Two . . . . . . . . . . .12</p><p>Session Three . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13</p><p>Give Me Some Space! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13</p><p>The Elvis Factor . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .13</p><p>Arms Akimbo Is Not a Basketball Player . . . . . . .13</p><p>Genital Framing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .14</p><p>The Torso Tells . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15</p><p>Crossing the Arms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .15</p><p>Ventral Fronting/Ventral Denial . . . . . . . . . . . . .16</p><p>The Cold Shoulder, and Other</p><p>Nonverbal Cues . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Three . . . . . . . . .16</p><p>Session Four . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18</p><p>Head Tilting . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18</p><p>Up in Arms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .18</p><p>The Regal Position . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19</p><p>The Palms . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19</p><p>The Arms Race . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19</p><p>Caring Hands . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .19</p><p>Put Your Hands Up! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20</p><p>Here Is the Church, Here Is the Steeple… . . . . . .20</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Four . . . . . . . . . .21</p><p>Session Five . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22</p><p>Preening . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22</p><p>Pacifying Hands . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23</p><p>How to Shake Hands . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .23</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Five . . . . . . . . . . .24</p><p>Session Six . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25</p><p>The Face Is a Canvas . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25</p><p>The Forehead . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25</p><p>Windows to the Mind . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25</p><p>Taking Cover . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .25</p><p>Dilation and Constriction . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .26</p><p>The Eyebrow Flash . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27</p><p>Your Smiling Eyes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .27</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Six . . . . . . . . . . .28</p><p>Session Seven . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29</p><p>The Nose Knows . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29</p><p>Spread Your Wings and Flee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29</p><p>Mick Jagger Is a Pacifist . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .29</p><p>The Case of the Disappearing Lips . . . . . . . . . . .30</p><p>Chin Touching . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .30</p><p>FBI Assignment—Session Seven . . . . . . . . . . . . .31</p><p>Session Eight . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32</p><p>Do I Look Good in Distress? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32</p><p>Body of Lies . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .32</p><p>FBI Assignment—Session Eight . . . . . . . . . . . . . .33</p><p>Add These Inspiring Nightingale-Conant</p><p>Titles to Your Skill-Building Library . . . . . .34</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>4</p><p>Introduction</p><p>For 25 years, Joe Navarro was a special</p><p>agent with the FBI. During that time, he</p><p>specialized in counterintelligence and coun-</p><p>terterrorism. Basically, Joe was a spy</p><p>catcher.</p><p>In this program, Joe will share with you</p><p>what he has learned from research about</p><p>nonverbal communications, and he will</p><p>make you an observer in the same way that</p><p>FBI agents are observers of the world</p><p>around us. You’ll learn how to observe</p><p>human behavior, how to decode it properly,</p><p>and then how to apply it in real time so that</p><p>it then becomes useful to you.</p><p>How to Use This Workbook</p><p>How can you get the most out of this work-</p><p>book? By using it in conjunction with the</p><p>audio program. At the end of every session</p><p>you’ll find a section called Your FBI (Fo-</p><p>cused Body Interpretation) Assignment.</p><p>These are questions and exercises to help</p><p>you better understand body language.</p><p>For each session, do the following:</p><p>• Preview the section of the workbook that</p><p>goes with the audio session.</p><p>• Listen to the audio session at least once.</p><p>• Complete the Your FBI Assignments</p><p>By taking the time to preview the exercises</p><p>before you listen to each session, you are</p><p>priming your subconscious to listen to and</p><p>absorb the material. Then, when you are ac-</p><p>tually listening to each session, you’ll be</p><p>able to absorb the information faster—and</p><p>will see faster results.</p><p>Let’s get started.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>5</p><p>SESSION ONE</p><p>It’s All in the Mind</p><p>My Three Brains</p><p>Scientists tell us that there are really three</p><p>parts to the brain. The first part is our more</p><p>primitive brain. Sometimes it’s referred to</p><p>as the aquatic/reptilian brain because it</p><p>runs our heart, our lungs, our digestive</p><p>system, and so forth. It basically keeps</p><p>our organism alive.</p><p>We then have a very elegant system, which</p><p>is called the limbic system. The limbic sys-</p><p>tem is composed of the hippocampus and</p><p>the amygdala, as well as other structures</p><p>like the thalamus, the hypothalamus, and so</p><p>on. The hippocampus is where memories</p><p>are stored, and the amygdala, is what re-</p><p>sponds to the world around us—especially</p><p>negative things.</p><p>All of these features within</p><p>the limbic system are de-</p><p>signed to preserve us, to</p><p>keep us alive, and to react</p><p>to the world around us in</p><p>real time. There is no high-</p><p>order thinking that takes</p><p>place here. The limbic sys-</p><p>tem is reactive. It is not</p><p>cognitive. It doesn’t sit</p><p>there and think for you. It</p><p>reacts to the world around</p><p>you. It does it in real time,</p><p>and it does it subcon-</p><p>sciously. This is the honest brain, its sole</p><p>purpose is your survival and control of</p><p>your emotions.</p><p>The third part of the brain is the neocortex,</p><p>or the new brain. It’s also sometimes called</p><p>the frontal cortex because it’s in the front</p><p>part of the brain. The neocortex is the think-</p><p>ing part of the brain. This is the brain that</p><p>allows us to create, but it’s also the lying,</p><p>the deceptive brain.</p><p>We’re going to spend very little time on this</p><p>part of the brain, precisely because of that,</p><p>because it can muster words that can de-</p><p>ceive us. Instead, we’re going to concentrate</p><p>on the area of the brain that is primarily re-</p><p>sponsible for nonverbal communications,</p><p>and that is the limbic system. The limbic</p><p>system generates honest, truthful behaviors</p><p>that we can use every day to interpret what</p><p>people are thinking, feeling, or intending.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>6</p><p>Frontal</p><p>Lobe</p><p>Thalamus</p><p>Pituitary Gland</p><p>Pons</p><p>Medulla</p><p>Oblongata</p><p>Spinal Cord</p><p>Cerebellum</p><p>Midbrain Corpus Callosum</p><p>Amygdala and</p><p>Hippocampus</p><p>(not visible)</p><p>The Freeze/Flight/Fight Response</p><p>Whenever there is any perceived threat to</p><p>our survival, our bodies do one of three</p><p>things. We either freeze, run, or fight. This</p><p>freeze/flight/fight response has been with us</p><p>for millions of years. It’s a subconscious sys-</p><p>tem like computer software running in the</p><p>background. It’s elegant. It’s designed to pro-</p><p>tect us. It has worked for a very long time,</p><p>and many of the behaviors that we see be-</p><p>tween individuals are part of this freeze/</p><p>flight/fight</p><p>response—especially when some-</p><p>thing is negative.</p><p>Pacifiers—They’re Not Only for</p><p>Babies</p><p>You’d think that positive emotions are dealt</p><p>with by our cognitive brain, but, in fact,</p><p>they are also dealt with by our limbic sys-</p><p>tem. One of the things we find is that when</p><p>we have positive experiences, our limbic</p><p>brain contributes to that, and says, “Hey,</p><p>let’s add something to this positive experi-</p><p>ence!” So, you twirl your hair, play with</p><p>your earlobe, rub your thigh, suck your</p><p>thumb, or do something else to enhance the</p><p>physical experience. Then, what happens is</p><p>you begin to associate those behaviors with</p><p>positive emotion, and then use them to</p><p>pacify yourself when you’re feeling stress.</p><p>Now in the nonverbal scientific literature,</p><p>these are often referred to as adaptive be-</p><p>haviors, but we’ll be referring to them as</p><p>pacifiers. This is a repertoire of things that</p><p>we do to enhance our life experiences to</p><p>demonstrate and further our comfort, or to</p><p>demonstrate and deal with discomfort, and</p><p>by understanding them, we’ll have a greater</p><p>insight into the nonverbal cues to comfort</p><p>and discomfort.</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session One</p><p>Consider the following questions.</p><p>• Have you ever experienced the</p><p>freeze/flight/fight response? What did it</p><p>feel like? What did you do?</p><p>• Do you have any pacifying behaviors?</p><p>Have you ever observed them in someone</p><p>else? What are they? When do you find</p><p>that you use them most?</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>7</p><p>SESSION TWO</p><p>The Ten Cardinal Rules of Effective</p><p>Nonverbal Assessment/Covering the</p><p>Body Parts: What the Feet, Legs, and</p><p>Stance Reveal</p><p>Ten Cardinal Rules of Observation</p><p>There are ten cardinal rules that you have to</p><p>know to be an effective observer and to ele-</p><p>vate your ability to observe nonverbal com-</p><p>munications as a professional would.</p><p>1) You have to be a competent observer. This</p><p>means you have to look around and observe</p><p>the world around you constantly.</p><p>2) You have to observe all nonverbal com-</p><p>munications in context. The context comes</p><p>from the totality of what’s going on in this</p><p>person’s life.</p><p>3) It’s important to determine whether a be-</p><p>havior is limbic or cultural.</p><p>4) Are the behaviors unique to this individ-</p><p>ual? Most people have certain behaviors</p><p>that they engage in repeatedly.</p><p>5) If you’re looking at nonverbal communi-</p><p>cations that are indicative of thoughts, feel-</p><p>ings, or intentions, it’s best to look for</p><p>clusters of behaviors rather than relying on</p><p>one thing.</p><p>6) Ask yourself, “What is normal behavior</p><p>for this person or in this situation?”</p><p>7) Also ask yourself, “What behaviors are a</p><p>change from normal?”</p><p>8) Focus on primacy. That is, look for the</p><p>most immediate expressions as being the</p><p>most accurate and using that information as</p><p>you analyze nonverbal communication.</p><p>9) The observations that we make should be</p><p>non-intrusive.</p><p>10) Any time you see a behavior, if you’re</p><p>not sure what it means, always divide it up</p><p>into one of two columns. Does it fit within</p><p>comfort, or does it fit within discomfort? It’s</p><p>either going to be a comfort display, or a</p><p>discomfort display.</p><p>The Feet Don’t Lie</p><p>The one part of our bodies that we can’t</p><p>mask is our feet. We’re taught to look at the</p><p>head. We’re taught to look at the face. We’re</p><p>taught to look at the hands, and yet, we miss</p><p>something that’s powerful, and that is what</p><p>our feet communicate. Our feet communi-</p><p>cate a lot!</p><p>We look for the feet to communicate to us,</p><p>again, comfort and discomfort. When we’re</p><p>comfortable around someone, our feet will</p><p>go near that person. When we’re uncomfort-</p><p>able with someone or a situation, our feet</p><p>won’t go near them.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>8</p><p>Our feet can also be indicators of emotion.</p><p>For example, when a person is standing and</p><p>he or she plants one foot on the heel and</p><p>points that foot straight up into the air—so</p><p>the toes are straight up in the air—it’s an in-</p><p>dication of very positive emotions.</p><p>The feet wonderfully reveal other things, in-</p><p>cluding intention cues. These are indicators</p><p>of the individual wanting to do something.</p><p>You’re talking to someone. You’ve been at it</p><p>for a while, and, all of a sudden, the person</p><p>changes his or her posture a little bit and</p><p>you find that one of the person’s feet now</p><p>suddenly points in a direction to where this</p><p>individual may soon go. This is an extremely</p><p>accurate intention cue of the message, “I’ve</p><p>got to go.”</p><p>His feet are saying he needs to leave</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>9</p><p>When feet defy</p><p>gravity, it’s a sign of</p><p>positive emotions</p><p>She’s Got Legs, and She Knows</p><p>How to Use Them</p><p>Obviously, because the feet are attached to</p><p>the legs, we also have to consider the useful-</p><p>ness of looking at the legs. Like the feet, the</p><p>legs are extremely accurate in reflecting how</p><p>we feel, what we’re thinking, and what we’re</p><p>intending.</p><p>When we cross our legs (either standing or</p><p>sitting), this is usually an indication of com-</p><p>fort. It’s a comfort display, and we see it</p><p>around people who genuinely like each</p><p>other.</p><p>In fact, we tend to cross our legs in such a</p><p>way that we will be off balance toward the</p><p>person we favor.</p><p>The minute there are strangers present and</p><p>they are violating your space, or the very in-</p><p>stant you see someone that you don’t like or</p><p>may be a threat to you, you will no longer</p><p>cross your legs. Your limbic brain kicks in</p><p>and says, “Put both feet down, in case we</p><p>need for you to escape.”</p><p>So crossing of the legs is a high comfort dis-</p><p>play. We do it when we’re comfortable, we</p><p>do it when we’re pensive, we do it when</p><p>we’re around people we enjoy, and it quickly</p><p>goes away any time we’re uncomfortable, in</p><p>a strange circumstance, or there’s a threat.</p><p>One of the things that we often do to protect</p><p>ourselves when we’re talking to someone</p><p>that we’re uncomfortable with is we will</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>10</p><p>Her legs are telling you</p><p>she’s comfortable</p><p>His leg is acting</p><p>as a barrier</p><p>cross the leg and place the leg high over</p><p>our knee, so that it acts as a barrier toward</p><p>that person.</p><p>And one of the ways that we show that we’re</p><p>comfortable with a person is to actually</p><p>point a leg, even though it’s crossed, toward</p><p>the person we’re talking with, and then if</p><p>things should change, we uncross and use a</p><p>leg as a barrier.</p><p>One of the things that the legs also do, and</p><p>they do this very subconsciously, but very</p><p>accurately, is reflect a synchrony and har-</p><p>mony. One of the ways that we do that is by</p><p>how fast we walk.</p><p>When we’re with a friend, we usually walk</p><p>at the same pace. It’s almost like a march,</p><p>but it’s very synchronous. It allows us to</p><p>walk in harmony, walk in synchrony, and</p><p>it’s very indicative of how we feel about</p><p>each other.</p><p>Couples who are struggling with each other</p><p>will often walk out of synchrony, because</p><p>they’re thinking differently, they’re acting</p><p>differently, and, in essence, they’re on a dif-</p><p>ferent sheet of music.</p><p>When we’re walking with someone who is of</p><p>higher status than us—someone we respect</p><p>a lot, maybe it’s an elderly person or a</p><p>boss—we immediately adjust our pace of</p><p>walk to the higher-status person’s. We don’t</p><p>even have to think about it; it’s automatic.</p><p>Take a Stance</p><p>Now there are several other things that our</p><p>legs and our feet do for us, and those have</p><p>to do with the way we stand—our stance.</p><p>All primates display a lot of communication</p><p>through stance behavior.</p><p>Obviously, when you see someone who is</p><p>very relaxed, leaning against the wall and so</p><p>forth, that’s very easy to read. Here’s a per-</p><p>son who is very comfortable.</p><p>One of the things that communicate how we</p><p>feel about our job has to do with how we</p><p>stand. Do we come into our jobs and do</p><p>we command our space?</p><p>A stance is something that a lot of</p><p>people don’t talk about, and yet it</p><p>is very important. It’s important,</p><p>not just for dating, and not just</p><p>for day-to-day communication. I</p><p>think it’s extremely important for</p><p>sales. Your stance communicates</p><p>so much about how you feel</p><p>about the product you’re selling.</p><p>All of these things are not spo-</p><p>ken. They’re communicated</p><p>nonverbally, and they’re ex-</p><p>tremely powerful.</p><p>Leaning against</p><p>a wall</p><p>conveys relaxation</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>11</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—</p><p>Session Two</p><p>• Practice observing some common behav-</p><p>iors that are unique to the people in your</p><p>life—to you, yourself; to your spouse; and</p><p>to your loved ones. Obviously, the longer</p><p>you’ve known someone, the easier it is. Be</p><p>sure to follow the Ten Cardinal Rules of</p><p>Observation.</p><p>• Go stand in an elevator with strangers and</p><p>try to cross your legs. What you’ll find is</p><p>that your brain is saying uncross your legs.</p><p>• Think of a time when you’ve gone into a</p><p>place of business and encountered people,</p><p>who by their very stance, communicate</p><p>they don’t care. They don’t care about you;</p><p>they don’t care about themselves. They are</p><p>indifferent, and they communicate this</p><p>with their stance.</p><p>• Now think of a person who conveyed he or</p><p>she did care about you. What is the stance</p><p>of an individual who is trying to communi-</p><p>cate trust and warmth?</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>12</p><p>SESSION THREE</p><p>Covering the Body Parts: What Territorial/</p><p>Spatial Displays, the Hips, Torso, and</p><p>Shoulders Reveal</p><p>Give Me Some Space!</p><p>Researcher Edward Hall found that all ani-</p><p>mals, including us, need space. We humans</p><p>derive that need for space based on two</p><p>things. One is social, and the other one is</p><p>through our limbic system. There are clear</p><p>social conventions, depending on where you</p><p>are internationally, about how close people</p><p>can be to each other.</p><p>There are different ways that we violate</p><p>space. We can do it with our eyes, by ogling</p><p>or staring at someone. We can also violate</p><p>each other’s space by touching the objects</p><p>that belong to the other person. Somebody</p><p>comes along and moves our stapler, or we</p><p>have a picture of our spouse sitting in front</p><p>of us, and they move it over.</p><p>Whenever there is a violation of the socially</p><p>acceptable space, we have negative limbic</p><p>reactions. We may turn toward that person.</p><p>We may scowl at that person, or let the per-</p><p>son know that he or she is getting too close.</p><p>We may try to distance away from that per-</p><p>son in some way. Think of when someone</p><p>gets too close to you at an ATM machine.</p><p>The Elvis Factor</p><p>The hips are powerful indicators of emotion</p><p>because the hips are associated with repro-</p><p>duction and genitalia. We often use our hips</p><p>to convey sexual vitality, our sexual health,</p><p>our interest in other people, and so forth.</p><p>Oftentimes, our hips will indicate a certain</p><p>amount of discomfort, and you see it with</p><p>people who are sitting down and they’re</p><p>hearing something they don’t particular like</p><p>or care for. What you often see is individu-</p><p>als who are uncomfortable, and they’ll be</p><p>shifting in their chair, moving around in</p><p>their chairs, and their hips tend to be in a</p><p>sort of agitated movement. These are indi-</p><p>cators of discomfort. We shouldn’t dismiss</p><p>them as simply being uncomfortable sitting,</p><p>when, in fact, it’s usually the case that</p><p>they’re very uncomfortable with the situa-</p><p>tion they’re in, with what they’re having to</p><p>hear or to discuss.</p><p>And obviously, at the opposite end, when we</p><p>see people who are gregarious and happy</p><p>and they’re dancing and so forth, we see the</p><p>extremes of hip movements, which can be</p><p>very pleasing and seductive.</p><p>Arms Akimbo Is Not a</p><p>Basketball Player</p><p>One of the truly powerful ways that we use</p><p>our hips is what’s called arms akimbo. Most</p><p>of the time, when you see people standing</p><p>there with their hands on their hips, elbows</p><p>out, their legs are slightly spread apart, this</p><p>is a very territorial display. This is what we</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>13</p><p>see when someone is in charge, when some-</p><p>one’s in command. We see this a lot with law</p><p>enforcement officers and with military per-</p><p>sonnel. This is how they like to stand. It’s a</p><p>very commanding presence. It can also indi-</p><p>cate a problem with the situation.</p><p>There might be times, however, when you</p><p>don’t want to convey command presence.</p><p>One of the ways that we can change this is</p><p>how you can have arms akimbo but change</p><p>the position of the hands so that, as they</p><p>come to rest on your hips, the thumbs are</p><p>forward and the fingers are facing back. And</p><p>what that does is it changes the impres-</p><p>sion—it makes you look inquisitive rather</p><p>than intrusive.</p><p>Genital Framing</p><p>Sometimes, when a person—man or</p><p>woman—wants to show interest, he or she</p><p>will demonstrate something called genital</p><p>framing. This is when the person will tuck</p><p>the thumbs into the belt, or into the pants,</p><p>so that the fingers are dangling on the out-</p><p>side, spaced equidistant on the either side of</p><p>the zipper—literally framing the genitals.</p><p>This pose says, “Do ya</p><p>think I’m sexy?”</p><p>Researchers have</p><p>shown that it’s a power-</p><p>ful way to say, “I want</p><p>you to think about me</p><p>right now as a virile</p><p>sexual person.”</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>14</p><p>The thumbs forward</p><p>make this a friendly</p><p>pose</p><p>His arms</p><p>command</p><p>attention</p><p>The Torso Tells</p><p>The torso can tell us a lot of things about a</p><p>person. It can be an indicator of our age,</p><p>our health, and our social status.</p><p>The torso is our human billboard. This is the</p><p>billboard that tells the world so many things</p><p>about us. In all societies, one</p><p>of the things that we find is</p><p>that the torso is used for dec-</p><p>oration. As we go around the</p><p>world and look at different</p><p>cultures, it’s the things,</p><p>the accoutrements,</p><p>that we drape our-</p><p>selves with, clothe our-</p><p>selves with, and wrap</p><p>around our torsos that</p><p>are indicative of our so-</p><p>cial status. This is as</p><p>true in modern America</p><p>as it has been in any</p><p>culture at any time in</p><p>history. The torso acts</p><p>as a window as to who</p><p>this individual is and</p><p>what he or she represents.</p><p>Another interesting facet</p><p>about our torso is that it</p><p>demonstrates, in many ways,</p><p>our honesty. People perceive</p><p>us as more honest when they</p><p>can see our torso.</p><p>Crossing the Arms</p><p>Crossing of the arms can have both a posi-</p><p>tive connotation and a negative one. To de-</p><p>termine which it is, you have to look at the</p><p>grip. When people are talking to each other</p><p>and their arms are crossed, but they’re grip-</p><p>ping their arms very tightly, it’s usually in-</p><p>dicative of something very negative.</p><p>Otherwise, it doesn’t necessarily associate</p><p>with something negative. One can have one’s</p><p>arms crossed, leaning back on a chair, and</p><p>be very relaxed. When we are in a social set-</p><p>ting where there are other people around us,</p><p>we derive a certain amount of comfort put-</p><p>ting our hands across our chest and so forth.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>15</p><p>She’s gripping her arms,</p><p>which means she’s angry</p><p>Her crossed arms</p><p>indicate relaxation</p><p>Ventral Fronting/Ventral Denial</p><p>When we like people, we tend to turn to-</p><p>ward them. We tend to ventrally front to-</p><p>ward that person. We give them access so</p><p>that they can read the front of our chest—</p><p>our ventral side.</p><p>But the minute something takes place that is</p><p>disagreeable to us, we engage in what’s</p><p>called ventral denial. That is denying access</p><p>to the ventral or front part of your body. Of</p><p>course, the extreme of that is when you turn</p><p>your back on somebody.</p><p>The Cold Shoulder, and Other</p><p>Nonverbal Cues</p><p>The shoulders are rarely talked about in the</p><p>literature of nonverbal communications. In</p><p>fact, the shoulders can convey a tremendous</p><p>amount of information.</p><p>Did you ever notice when someone is asked</p><p>a question and one of the shoulders comes</p><p>up toward the ear, and the person says, “I</p><p>don’t know.” Now, contrast that with the per-</p><p>son who is asked a question, but both shoul-</p><p>ders come up to the ears, their palms up,</p><p>and they say, “I don’t know.”</p><p>Research showed that when people used</p><p>only one shoulder to rise up, they were less</p><p>credible than when both of the shoulders</p><p>came up. It might be that emotionally and</p><p>limbically, they’re not committed to what</p><p>they are saying, so it’s difficult for them to</p><p>bring both shoulders up at once. Raised</p><p>shoulders are a sign of lack of confidence.</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Three</p><p>• Try breaking the social norm of personal</p><p>space. In a public place, simply go stand</p><p>next to someone with a space that is</p><p>slightly closer than is comfortable. Ob-</p><p>serve how the person attempts to distance</p><p>himself or herself from you. Note: Only do</p><p>this once, or else the person might become</p><p>frightened or aggressive!</p><p>• The first time you shake hands with some-</p><p>one, shake hands and then take a step</p><p>back, and watch what happens. Does the</p><p>person step forward toward you? Does the</p><p>person keep his or her place, or does the</p><p>individual take a step back? If the person</p><p>takes a step back, he or she needs more</p><p>space. If the person remains where he or</p><p>she is, this is probably a good comfortable</p><p>distance to talk to each other from. If the</p><p>person moves toward you, maybe he or</p><p>she feels better speaking closer to you.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>16</p><p>• The next time you go to the mall or an-</p><p>other public place, pay attention to peo-</p><p>ple’s torsos. What are they trying to convey</p><p>with the decoration of their torsos?</p><p>• Think about the next time you cross your</p><p>arms. Are you using this as a comfort dis-</p><p>play, or a discomfort display?</p><p>• Practice the shoulder raise with a partner.</p><p>Have your partner ask you the following</p><p>question twice. “Where did you put my</p><p>money?” The first time you’re asked the</p><p>question, only raise one shoulder to indi-</p><p>cate you don’t know. The second time</p><p>you’re asked the question, raise both</p><p>shoulders and put your palms out. Then,</p><p>ask your partner which answer was more</p><p>believable. He or she will likely say that</p><p>the double shoulder raise is more believ-</p><p>able.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>17</p><p>SESSION FOUR</p><p>Covering the Body Parts:</p><p>What the Neck, Arms, and Hands Reveal</p><p>Because so much of our survival is con-</p><p>cerned with the neck, it’s one of those areas</p><p>that most often and most effectively com-</p><p>municate how we feel.</p><p>The neck serves as one of those locations</p><p>that are just so rich with nerves that it helps</p><p>to pacify us. When we’re stressed, we go get</p><p>a shoulder massage and a neck massage. We</p><p>may massage ourselves. We may touch our</p><p>neck, stroke our neck, or ventilate our neck</p><p>as an indication of stress relief.</p><p>When women feel insecure, when they’re</p><p>distressed, when they’re troubled or they</p><p>feel threatened, they’ll cover this little area</p><p>called the suprasternal notch—this neck</p><p>dimple—with the tips of their fingers or</p><p>with their hands.</p><p>Clearly, the neck is an extremely useful tool</p><p>for those of us who study nonverbal com-</p><p>munications.</p><p>Head Tilting</p><p>When we’re very comfortable, we tilt our</p><p>heads. You’re talking to someone, and at</p><p>some point in the conversation, your head</p><p>begins to comfortably tilt as you’re listening</p><p>to the person. If something is mentioned</p><p>that you don’t particularly care for, your</p><p>head will immediately straighten up. Or</p><p>you’re talking to someone, your head’s tilted,</p><p>everything’s going well, and a stranger</p><p>comes into the room and maybe gets too</p><p>close to you. Immediately, your head untilts.</p><p>Up in Arms</p><p>As with so many parts of the human body,</p><p>our arms are really very remarkable. They</p><p>reflect, quite often, how we feel, what we’re</p><p>thinking, and what we intend. They point in</p><p>the direction that we want people to go.</p><p>They reach up to the skies when we are ex-</p><p>cited and happy. Another interesting thing</p><p>about the arms is how we use them to com-</p><p>municate whether or not we want people</p><p>near us or away from us.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>18</p><p>Her head tilt</p><p>means she’s</p><p>comfortable</p><p>The Regal Position</p><p>There is one position that</p><p>seems to convey “Don’t get too</p><p>close.” It’s called the Regal Po-</p><p>sition because you often see</p><p>kings and queens using it. In</p><p>the Regal Position, you put</p><p>your arms behind your back</p><p>and just hold your fingers to-</p><p>gether in some way so that</p><p>your arms disappear sort of</p><p>behind your back. You can’t</p><p>see the hands.</p><p>The regal position says, “Don’t get too close.”</p><p>The Palms</p><p>The rotating of the arms, palm up or palm</p><p>down, forces us to reveal different aspects of</p><p>our arms. If you’re showing the ventral side</p><p>versus the dorsal side, this, in fact, has sig-</p><p>nificance.</p><p>When we emphasize, we tend to do it palms</p><p>down. We tend to be more forceful with our</p><p>palms down with the dorsal side of our</p><p>arms showing.</p><p>When we’re weak, when we’re supplicating,</p><p>when we’re begging to be believed, when</p><p>we’re asking for favors, we tend to do it with</p><p>the palms up. Prisoners surrender palms up.</p><p>So, if you are in a business where you’re try-</p><p>ing to emphasize a point, one of the best</p><p>ways to do it is to always make sure that you</p><p>emphasize palms down. When we do things</p><p>palm up, we’re sending a very subtle mes-</p><p>sage that is somewhat weak. It’s more of a</p><p>caring gesture, and that’s fine, if that’s the</p><p>kind of message we want to send. But when</p><p>we want to emphasize, we want to empha-</p><p>size palm down, very direct.</p><p>The Arms Race</p><p>Our arms are actually one of our best pro-</p><p>tectors. The arms defend us from physical</p><p>threats. They also save us and protect us</p><p>from social threats. One of the ways we use</p><p>our arms to do this is to create a barrier.</p><p>For example, in a stressful situation, people</p><p>might say, “I need a coat,” or begin to hug</p><p>themselves or stroke their own arms as an</p><p>effort to protect themselves physically, but</p><p>also to pacify themselves psychologically.</p><p>Caring Hands</p><p>Human hands are truly creative hands.</p><p>They’re truly expressive hands. They are, in</p><p>many ways, magnificent in what they’re able</p><p>to describe, create, explain, and communi-</p><p>cate. Our hands are unlike those of any</p><p>other species on this planet.</p><p>People who love each other—when we hold</p><p>a child, when we hold someone that’s dear</p><p>to us—we tend to touch them with the full</p><p>palms of our hands. Your skin fully touches</p><p>this individual, whether it’s your mother,</p><p>your grandmother, or the loving face of a</p><p>child.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>19</p><p>Even babies show love with a full palm</p><p>When we don’t care about people, we tend</p><p>to distance ourselves from them, and one of</p><p>the ways we distance ourselves is that we no</p><p>longer touch with a full palm. We tend to</p><p>then touch individuals with fingertips (this</p><p>is a form of distancing).</p><p>Put Your Hands Up!</p><p>Because our limbic brain is constantly as-</p><p>sessing for danger, one of the things that it</p><p>looks for is where are the hands? Hidden</p><p>hands are one of the most dangerous threats</p><p>to life.</p><p>But it’s not just because of danger that we</p><p>want to see the hands. We want to see the</p><p>hands because they express information.</p><p>For example, when we put our fingers to-</p><p>gether, the thumb and the first two fingers,</p><p>we can indicate precision. It’s used when</p><p>we’re talking about something that’s very</p><p>precise.</p><p>We can talk about something expansive by</p><p>using jazz hands where we extend our fin-</p><p>gers fully and they stretch, and we are trans-</p><p>ported to something differently when we use</p><p>expressive hands.</p><p>Here Is the Church, Here Is the</p><p>Steeple…</p><p>Or we do something that’s called steepling.</p><p>Steepling is when we bring our fingertips to-</p><p>gether but don’t allow our palms to touch,</p><p>so that our fingers look like a church</p><p>steeple. Steepling is in fact the most power-</p><p>ful behavior that we have to show confi-</p><p>dence. It shows that we’re very confident</p><p>about what we’re talking about.</p><p>With steepling, you don’t have to yell, you</p><p>don’t have to scream, you don’t have to raise</p><p>your voice. You don’t have to make eye con-</p><p>tact. You merely have to bring your finger-</p><p>tips together, thumbs together, fingers</p><p>spread apart, hands spread out, fingers still</p><p>touching, and it transmits to whoever’s hear-</p><p>ing the message that you’re very confident</p><p>about what you’re saying.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>20</p><p>Here is a hand gesture which is truly indica-</p><p>tive of high distress. Not just distress, but</p><p>high distress. It’s something we do when we</p><p>intertwine our fingers but we leave them</p><p>straight. We put one hand into the other so</p><p>that our fingers cross, but they remain rigid</p><p>and straight, and then we move the hand</p><p>back and forth. This is one of the best indic-</p><p>tors of something that’s extremely distress-</p><p>ful or distasteful to us.</p><p>There are also ways that we can also show</p><p>subtly when we’re excited about something</p><p>or not. Interlace your fingers and let your</p><p>thumbs rest in a downward position. What</p><p>you’ll find is</p><p>that some people like to talk</p><p>with their fingers interlaced. When they feel</p><p>confident or happy about something, their</p><p>thumbs will pop up. And when they’re talk-</p><p>ing about something they are not confident</p><p>about or dislike the thumbs disappear.</p><p>So just be aware that our hands are very</p><p>subtle in what they can transmit. We can</p><p>touch hard or soft; gently or smoothly;</p><p>warmly or coldly. Estranged couples talk</p><p>about how when their lover touches them,</p><p>the warmth is gone, that the hand feels cold.</p><p>That’s a reflection of what’s going on in the</p><p>head. When we feel good about things,</p><p>blood rushes to the surface of our skin.</p><p>When we don’t feel good about things, that</p><p>blood is withdrawn and it’s sent to the large</p><p>muscles, particularly of the legs, so that if</p><p>we have to leave, escape, or fight, we have</p><p>this added blood available to us to help us in</p><p>our survival.</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Four</p><p>• Next time you’re in an elevator with a</p><p>bunch of strangers, try tilting your head,</p><p>and you’ll find, just like the leg cross, is</p><p>your limbic brain will say to you, “Don’t</p><p>do that.” To make it even more challeng-</p><p>ing, try tilting your head while looking di-</p><p>rectly at someone in the elevator. Most</p><p>people will find that extremely difficult if</p><p>not impossible.</p><p>• When someone comes to you with a prob-</p><p>lem, try giving a little head tilt as the per-</p><p>son talks to you. It makes the individual</p><p>feel much more appreciated. It makes you</p><p>appear to be much more open, and it</p><p>makes for a very much more comfortable</p><p>environment.</p><p>• Look at your own hands, and this very sec-</p><p>ond, ask yourself where your hands are</p><p>right now. Are they cooperating with each</p><p>other, or is one hand doing something in-</p><p>dependent of the other?</p><p>• If you want to convey power and authority,</p><p>stand with your legs slightly apart and</p><p>your hands in the steeple position in front</p><p>of you. How does this feel? Now contrast</p><p>this with another, less confident position.</p><p>Stand with your feet together and your</p><p>thumbs inside your pocket. Feels different,</p><p>doesn’t it?</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>21</p><p>SESSION FIVE</p><p>A Further Study of Hand Displays</p><p>Preening</p><p>Humans are animals too, and you can see</p><p>our similarities to our animal cousins in our</p><p>preening behavior. We adjust our hair,</p><p>glasses, or jewelry, or straighten our ties.</p><p>Preening in this manner sends a very power-</p><p>ful message to the other people who are in</p><p>your presence. It subconsciously conveys to</p><p>them, “You’re important enough for me to</p><p>spend this energy to put myself together to</p><p>preen for you.”</p><p>Adjusting his tie sends a powerful message</p><p>to those in his presence</p><p>There are also negative preening behaviors.</p><p>These are demonstrated with behaviors</p><p>such as picking lint off of one’s clothes</p><p>when another is speaking. This can be seen</p><p>in both criminals and teenagers, and is a</p><p>sign of disrespect. It is meaningful when</p><p>the listener allows the disrespect to</p><p>continue. It’s as if you’re saying, “I’m</p><p>allowing you to continue to do this even</p><p>though it’s disrespectful to me, and I’m</p><p>going to permit it.”</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>22</p><p>She’s being disrespectful</p><p>Pacifying Hands</p><p>We’ve already talked about the significance</p><p>of the hands going to the throat area in a fe-</p><p>male. As a general rule, whenever the hands</p><p>go to the neck, there is an issue there. Not</p><p>that the person is lying, but that there is</p><p>something there that warrants further inves-</p><p>tigation. Remember, you have to put every-</p><p>thing in context. Just because you’re seeing</p><p>a behavior doesn’t mean you know what’s</p><p>causing it. You can read the right behaviors,</p><p>but you have to pursue that information and</p><p>determine the why and not assume that it’s</p><p>because the person is guilty or lying and so</p><p>forth.</p><p>Here are some other pacifying behaviors</p><p>that relate to the hands.</p><p>• rubbing the forehead</p><p>• pulling on the hair</p><p>• rubbing the nose</p><p>• massaging the nose</p><p>• pulling on the upper lip</p><p>• stroking the chin</p><p>• massaging the ears</p><p>• pulling on the earlobes</p><p>• twirling a pencil</p><p>• mangling a paperclip</p><p>• playing with a rubber band</p><p>• rubbing the fingers</p><p>• playing with jewelry (twisting a ring or</p><p>pulling on a necklace)</p><p>How to Shake Hands</p><p>The most important idea in shaking hands</p><p>is to not read too much into it. Hand-shak-</p><p>ing behavior is primarily culturally derived.</p><p>You’ll be able to tell how a person learned to</p><p>shake hands, but that’s about it.</p><p>When shaking someone’s hand, you want to</p><p>establish comfort. Mirror the other person’s</p><p>handshake. Why? This person may come</p><p>from a society where they have weak hand-</p><p>shakes, or they may have very strong hand-</p><p>shakes, and you want to mirror that. This is</p><p>the first time you’re going to touch that per-</p><p>son, and so you want to be on as equal</p><p>terms with the person as possible. And you</p><p>don’t need to draw any inference from that,</p><p>other than culturally, this individual comes</p><p>from a similar or a dissimilar culture.</p><p>The one handshake you must never do is</p><p>called the politician’s handshake. That’s</p><p>where you give somebody the hand, they</p><p>give you the hand, and then you cover that</p><p>hand with your free hand. Don’t ever do</p><p>that. It’s always negatively received.</p><p>Don’t do this handshake</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>23</p><p>Lastly, when you do shake hands, make sure</p><p>you make good eye contact. Make sure that</p><p>it doesn’t take place for too long or too</p><p>briefly, that it’s just right, and this is estab-</p><p>lished nonverbally. And, if for whatever the</p><p>reason, you shake hands with someone and</p><p>you don’t like that handshake, no matter</p><p>how benign the situation, whatever you do,</p><p>do not grimace. Do not make a face object-</p><p>ing to the handshake, because that sends a</p><p>negative signal to that person, and the per-</p><p>son may not understand why, because in his</p><p>or her society, maybe they just drape their</p><p>hand in front and it’s a very light touch.</p><p>Don’t ever hesitate to say, “Let’s do that</p><p>handshake over again.” The handshake is</p><p>often the first time that two humans touch</p><p>each other, and this is a significant event in</p><p>the lives of any two people that has lasting</p><p>effects.</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Five</p><p>• Have you ever seen someone preening?</p><p>Was it a sign of respect or disrespect?</p><p>• Watch a “made for TV movie” with the</p><p>sound off. How many non-verbal commu-</p><p>nication signs can you see?</p><p>• What pacifying behaviors do you use?</p><p>What behaviors have you seen in others?</p><p>• Watch the television news. Do you see the</p><p>“politician’s handshake?”</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>24</p><p>SESSION SIX</p><p>The Mind’s Canvas—The Face, Part 1:</p><p>What the Forehead and Eyes Reveal</p><p>The Face Is a Canvas</p><p>Because different parts of the face tell us</p><p>different information, it’s best to look at the</p><p>face as a large canvas. It’s a place where we</p><p>can collect a lot of information. We can do</p><p>that only if we parse the face into separate</p><p>parts, realizing that they will each speak to</p><p>us and communicate to us information. But</p><p>we have to take the time to look at it closely</p><p>and examine these areas of the face all inde-</p><p>pendent of each other, and then collectively,</p><p>to determine, in context, what this person</p><p>may be feeling, thinking, or intending.</p><p>The Forehead</p><p>The forehead is one of the easiest places on</p><p>the body to determine anxiety. The forehead</p><p>is one of those areas of the bodies that, in</p><p>real time, present us with a very accurate</p><p>picture as to a person’s thoughts and feel-</p><p>ings. It very easily, very clearly, can show us</p><p>when there is stress, when there is comfort,</p><p>when things are not going the right way, or</p><p>when something is troubling someone.</p><p>Because the forehead is one of the areas</p><p>where the limbic brain registers emotions, it</p><p>tends to be highly accurate. Most of us are</p><p>not very good at concealing how we feel, or</p><p>what we’re thinking, with our foreheads.</p><p>You don’t think about your forehead when</p><p>you’re trying to conceal emotions!</p><p>So we look to the forehead to assess comfort</p><p>and discomfort because of its speed and its</p><p>accessibility. It may be tough to see the feet,</p><p>it may be tough to see the hands, but the</p><p>forehead is right there for you, and it’s talk-</p><p>ing to you in real time.</p><p>Windows to</p><p>the Mind</p><p>Our eyes are the primary means by which</p><p>we receive information. How do we know</p><p>that? We have a large optic nerve that leads</p><p>to a huge area in the back of the brain called</p><p>the visual cortex. Any anatomist will tell you,</p><p>in relative size, the visual cortex is huge.</p><p>Our eyes, therefore, not only collect a lot of</p><p>information and process a lot of input, but</p><p>interestingly enough, our eyes also reflect a</p><p>lot of the activity that’s going on inside the</p><p>brain.</p><p>Taking Cover</p><p>The covering of the eyes is actually a block-</p><p>ing mechanism, although we don’t realize</p><p>it. You can cover the eyes with the hands,</p><p>the fingers, or just close or blink your eyes.</p><p>You don’t think about blinking as a re-</p><p>sponse to stress, because we blink all the</p><p>time. But actually, blinking can be a block-</p><p>ing mechanism. Most of the time, when we</p><p>hear something we don’t like, we actually</p><p>close our eyes. Sometimes it’s just for a</p><p>tenth of a second, sometimes it’s for a little</p><p>longer, but one of the ways that the human</p><p>brain found to protect itself is to use this</p><p>blocking mechanism.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>25</p><p>Many times when you hear bad news, or</p><p>you are being told of something that stresses</p><p>you, you’ll find yourself closing your eyes as</p><p>you are processing this information. This is</p><p>so hard-wired that children who have been</p><p>born blind will cover their eyes when they</p><p>hear things that disturb them.</p><p>Dilation and Constriction</p><p>Our eyes dilate when we see things that we</p><p>like, and in fact, the muscles around the or-</p><p>bits of the eyes relax. Alternatively, when we</p><p>see things that may be potentially hazardous</p><p>to us, our pupils constrict.</p><p>A dilated pupil means she likes what’s she’s</p><p>seeing</p><p>Now this serves multiple purposes. By clos-</p><p>ing the orbits of our eyes and creating small</p><p>slits through which we see, we are actually</p><p>protecting the eyes from harm in case some-</p><p>thing is thrown at us or something tries to</p><p>grab us.</p><p>But there’s another feature that’s fascinating</p><p>and most photographers know this. The</p><p>smaller the aperture, the greater the depth</p><p>of field. So think about it. When you see</p><p>something that’s a potential threat, or some-</p><p>thing that’s potentially dangerous, or you</p><p>see someone you don’t particularly care for,</p><p>your limbic brain, in an instant, shuts down</p><p>that pupil so that everything in front of you</p><p>becomes crystal clear—so that escape and</p><p>evasion can take place with clarity. Things</p><p>become more perfect by constricting the</p><p>pupils.</p><p>When we’re comfortable, the eyes are re-</p><p>laxed. When we’re comfortable, the eyes</p><p>look untroubled. There is no squinting. They</p><p>communicate the softness, the gentility that</p><p>is going on in the mind, and this is perhaps</p><p>why, over the ages, people have said that the</p><p>eyes are windows to the soul. When we are</p><p>truly in love, when we are truly cared for,</p><p>when we are truly comfortable, our eyes</p><p>have the means of transferring that informa-</p><p>tion in the same way that they transfer the</p><p>information when we’re troubled.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>26</p><p>A constricted pupil means she’s feeling</p><p>uncomfortable</p><p>The Eyebrow Flash</p><p>The beauty of the eyes in revealing emotions</p><p>is often felt when we first meet someone.</p><p>Imagine meeting someone and, as you go to</p><p>shake their person’s hand, his or her eyes</p><p>are just fixed, and then you meet another</p><p>person and as you go to shake that person’s</p><p>hand, he or she looks at you and arches his</p><p>or her eyebrows in what’s known as the eye-</p><p>brow flash. This simple act can transform a</p><p>relationship. This simple act, the arching of</p><p>the eyebrows, this quick eyebrow flash,</p><p>which takes a tenth of a second, can trans-</p><p>form a relationship, can make people feel</p><p>extremely comfortable.</p><p>And why is that? Because when we arch our</p><p>eyebrows, we’re defying gravity. As we</p><p>learned in the audio, one of the ways that</p><p>we show excitement and true emotion is by</p><p>defying gravity. By arching our eyebrows</p><p>and flashing our eyes very quickly, we’re say-</p><p>ing, “I feel really positive about you.”</p><p>Your Smiling Eyes</p><p>When we have a true, sincere smile, the</p><p>muscles around the eyes are engaged in the</p><p>process. In a true smile, the corners of the</p><p>mouth come up toward the eyes, and the</p><p>eyes will reflect that, because the muscles of</p><p>the eyes will be involved in that smile. Sadly,</p><p>this is where we get the crow’s feet effect.</p><p>The false smile—the social smile—is the</p><p>smile that moves the corners of the mouth</p><p>toward the ears, but does not involve the</p><p>eyes. This is one of the ways that we assess</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>27</p><p>A lifetime of sincere smiles shows on his face</p><p>His false smile doesn’t involve the eyes</p><p>for genuine emotions. When someone greets</p><p>us or we’re dealing with someone and they</p><p>smile at us, and we’re trying to determine</p><p>whether or not they really mean what</p><p>they’re saying, we quickly learn that the true</p><p>smile involves the eyes, and with the false</p><p>smile there is no eye involvement.</p><p>Your FBI Assignment—Session Six</p><p>• Check your pupils. Look at a photo of</p><p>something you find attractive—a beautiful</p><p>man or woman, a picture of your baby.</p><p>Then, look in a mirror. What happens to</p><p>your pupils? Chances are, they dilated no-</p><p>ticeably.</p><p>• Act on your observations. If you see some-</p><p>one, say an elderly person in a store, who</p><p>is nonverbally communicating anxiety, ask</p><p>if you can assist him or her.</p><p>• Use the eyebrow flash to reward someone</p><p>and show that you’re excited about what</p><p>he or she is saying or doing.</p><p>• Give someone a social smile, and see how</p><p>he or she reacts. Compare this with a real,</p><p>sincere smile. What is the difference?</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>28</p><p>SESSION SEVEN</p><p>The Mind’s Canvas—The Face, Part 2:</p><p>The Eyes Continued and What the Nose,</p><p>Mouth, and Chin Reveal</p><p>The Nose Knows</p><p>Now obviously there are many kinds of</p><p>noses. There are long noses and short noses</p><p>and wide noses and narrow noses and so</p><p>forth, but in all cases, there are things about</p><p>the nose that can reveal information to us.</p><p>The first one is that when we are stressed,</p><p>our nose tends to get very dry. The hairs in-</p><p>side the nose become much more sensitive</p><p>because now the mucous membranes have</p><p>dried up. The little hairs that are inside are</p><p>more sensitive to wind and they’re more</p><p>sensitive to our breath. We tend to see a lot</p><p>more nose touching and nose massaging</p><p>when we’re under stress, in part because of</p><p>the dryness, and in part because the nose is</p><p>an area that is rich with nerves, and in</p><p>touching the nose, this helps to pacify us.</p><p>The fact of the matter is that we often touch</p><p>our nose as a means of pacifying, and so we</p><p>have to put it in context. We touch our noses</p><p>because we’re in line and it’s taking too long</p><p>to get through the line. We touch our nose</p><p>because we remembered that we left some-</p><p>thing at home. We touch our nose because</p><p>we’re doing an exam and we can’t remember</p><p>the numbers that we need, or we touch our</p><p>nose because we’re driving and we’re ab-</p><p>solutely bored stiff and this is creating some</p><p>sort of stimulus for us.</p><p>There is a common fallacy that if you touch</p><p>the nose while you’re talking that you’re def-</p><p>initely lying. There’s just absolutely no sci-</p><p>ence behind that. It has nothing to do with</p><p>deception, because both the honest and the</p><p>dishonest will in fact touch the nose.</p><p>Spread Your Wings and Flee</p><p>Now there’s something else about the nose</p><p>that’s kind of interesting, and it has to do</p><p>with the wings of the nose. These are called</p><p>the nasal wings, and one of the interesting</p><p>things that happen to us is when we get ex-</p><p>cited about something, when we’re going to</p><p>do something physical, the wings of our</p><p>nose tend to dilate. The reason that they di-</p><p>late is we’re going to do something physical.</p><p>And our brain says, “Hey, take in more oxy-</p><p>gen,” and in doing so, the nasal wings dilate</p><p>in preparation for some physical activity.</p><p>Mick Jagger Is a Pacifist</p><p>Think of how many times you’ve licked your</p><p>lips. You may do this hundreds of times in a</p><p>day. If you live in a dry environment, you</p><p>may do it actually hundreds and hundreds</p><p>of times per day.</p><p>But the reason we lick our lips is because on</p><p>the</p><p>surface of our lips are an extraordinary</p><p>number of nerve endings, and by licking our</p><p>lips, we are in fact pacifying ourselves.</p><p>When we see people licking their lips, touch-</p><p>ing their lips, stroking their lips, rubbing</p><p>pencils and the stems of their reading</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>29</p><p>glasses on their lips, smoking pipes, strum-</p><p>ming their fingers on their lips, pulling their</p><p>lips in various directions—what they are in</p><p>effect doing is pacifying. They are inducing</p><p>their limbic system to release opioid-type</p><p>chemicals that are soothing and pleasing to</p><p>the brain. The mouth is a good place to see</p><p>where emotions are felt.</p><p>The Case of the Disappearing Lips</p><p>The lips also transmit information that may</p><p>be at variance with what is being said. You</p><p>often see this with people testifying before</p><p>Congress. They’ve raised their hand, they’ve</p><p>sworn to tell the truth, they begin to tell the</p><p>story, and then they get to a particular sec-</p><p>tion where they’re asked questions, and all</p><p>of a sudden, their lips are gone. Their lips</p><p>tighten, and literally disappear.</p><p>Why did the lips disappear? The lips disap-</p><p>peared because of the high degree of stress</p><p>that the person is undergoing. It has nothing</p><p>to do with deception. It has nothing to do</p><p>with truth or lying. It has to do with the fact</p><p>that in real time, your limbic system kicks in</p><p>and says if something is really troubling</p><p>you, if something is really bothering you, if</p><p>something is really disconcerting, it will</p><p>tighten the muscles in your lip area and</p><p>make your lips disappear.</p><p>When you see lips disappear, there’s a</p><p>high degree of stress. Lip tension is</p><p>mental tension, and when the corners</p><p>of the mouth turn downward, then</p><p>emotions are really low.</p><p>Chin Touching</p><p>Chin touching is associated with pensive-</p><p>ness, with thought, and with precision of</p><p>ideas. Now, this is to be differentiated from</p><p>people who touch their face, especially</p><p>around the jaw line. We tend to pacify our-</p><p>selves by touching our jaws, and then we</p><p>tend to show we’re thinking of something by</p><p>touching this little very narrow area that is</p><p>about two inches wide on our chin.</p><p>So when you see someone, they’re walking,</p><p>they’re sitting, they’re touching their chin,</p><p>it’s not so much pacifying as they’re think-</p><p>ing. If they’re touching their jaw, that’s more</p><p>likely to be pacifying.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>30</p><p>Her lips disappearing means she’s feeling</p><p>stressed</p><p>FBI Assignment—Session Seven</p><p>• Go up to a mirror and make your lips dis-</p><p>appear. What you’ll find is that when you</p><p>make your lips disappear, they disappear</p><p>in a straight line.</p><p>• Begin to observe how actors use nonverbal</p><p>communication to convey their role. What</p><p>does an actor do when he or she wants to</p><p>convey thinking or deciding? What would</p><p>an actor do to convey disgust?</p><p>• Notice your nose. The next time you rub</p><p>or touch your nose, stop and ask yourself,</p><p>“Am I having discomfort here? Am I bored</p><p>and trying to pacify myself?”</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>31</p><p>Touching his chin means he’s thinking</p><p>Touching his jaw means he’s pacifying</p><p>SESSION EIGHT</p><p>The Use of Situational Nonverbals:</p><p>Putting What You’ve Learned into Practice</p><p>Do I Look Good in Distress?</p><p>The truth is, there is no single behavior in-</p><p>dicative of deception. Not nose touching,</p><p>not covering your mouth, not closing your</p><p>eyes—none of these behaviors are singularly</p><p>indicative of deception.</p><p>Are there behaviors that are associated with</p><p>deception? Yes and no. Most of us, when we</p><p>think we’re seeing deception, are actually</p><p>seeing indicators of some sort of distress,</p><p>anxiety, or tension.</p><p>One of the ways to look for deception is by</p><p>not focusing so much on deception but in-</p><p>stead on what might cause this individual to</p><p>have stress. One of the ways we do that is to</p><p>ask very broad, very general questions, and</p><p>then see how the person reacts to those very</p><p>broad questions.</p><p>Honest people tend not to be bothered by</p><p>difficult questions. They know that it’s part</p><p>of a process and so no particular question</p><p>has any more weight than, say, any other</p><p>question.</p><p>What happens, though, is when someone is</p><p>hiding information or is intentionally trying</p><p>to be deceptive, first, they’re going to be</p><p>bothered by hearing the question; second,</p><p>they’ll be bothered by having to process that</p><p>information as they’re trying to develop an</p><p>answer; and third, they’re going to be both-</p><p>ered by having to answer the question. So</p><p>we see a series of behaviors indicative of dis-</p><p>comfort during those three phases.</p><p>Body of Lies</p><p>Research does support the fact that liars</p><p>tend to have certain behaviors. They tend to,</p><p>for instance, speak less with their hands.</p><p>They tend to overcontrol their hand and</p><p>body movements. They tend to have voice</p><p>changes where they speak in a higher-</p><p>pitched voice. They may have a hard swal-</p><p>low. There are any number of behaviors that</p><p>are associated with that. But these behav-</p><p>iors can also be seen in honest people when</p><p>they’re struggling with something.</p><p>To identify possible deceit, look for indica-</p><p>tors of discomfort. And whenever you see an</p><p>indicator of discomfort, once the initial in-</p><p>terview is over, go back to those issues and</p><p>then seek greater details, ever increasing de-</p><p>tails.</p><p>All the behaviors that we’ve talked about,</p><p>comfort and discomfort, you’ll see those at</p><p>the poker table, in the board room, and</p><p>around the water fountain. You’ll see it with</p><p>family. You’ll see it in the family nursery;</p><p>you’ll see it at the family get-togethers.</p><p>You’ll see it with new people that you meet.</p><p>And once again, we’re basically pro-</p><p>grammed to reflect comfort and discomfort.</p><p>If you remember nothing else at all, proba-</p><p>bly the most important thing is this: When</p><p>in doubt, when you see behaviors, ask your-</p><p>self, are these behaviors associated with</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>32</p><p>comfort or are they associated with discom-</p><p>fort? You’ll find that your life will be richer</p><p>and more fulfilling when you’re able to read</p><p>the nonverbal communication of the human</p><p>body and to apply it in your daily life.</p><p>FBI Assignment—Session Eight</p><p>• Watch a television “judge” show—the kind</p><p>where people go on and present a case to a</p><p>celebrity judge. Identify how many facial</p><p>behaviors you see. Is the defendant pacify-</p><p>ing himself? Is the judge pursing his or her</p><p>lips? Do you see any lip licking or nasal</p><p>flaring? Identify as many nonverbal behav-</p><p>iors as you can.</p><p>• Become an observer of nonverbal behavior</p><p>wherever you go. What behaviors are you</p><p>seeing at home, school, work, church, and</p><p>other venues? In particular, begin to notice</p><p>behaviors that are associated with comfort</p><p>and those that are associated with discom-</p><p>fort.</p><p>• Be patient! As with learning any new lan-</p><p>guage, understanding body language takes</p><p>time and practice.</p><p>• Put this newfound knowledge to use every</p><p>day, and your life will enriched in so many</p><p>ways.</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>33</p><p>THE POWER OF BODY LANGUAGE</p><p>JOE NAVARRO</p><p>Add These Inspiring Nightingale-Conant Titles</p><p>to Your Skill-Building Library</p><p>Lessons from the Richest Man Who Ever Lived:</p><p>Incomparable Insights and Breakthrough Strategies for Success,</p><p>Happiness, and Wealth</p><p>By Steven Scott</p><p>23201CD</p><p>The 5 Disciplines of Powerful People:</p><p>How to Keep the Promises You Make to Yourself</p><p>By John Powers</p><p>22230CD</p><p>I Know What to Do, So Why Don’t I Do It?</p><p>By Nick Hall, Ph.D.</p><p>25330CD</p><p>A View from the Top:</p><p>Moving from Success to Significance</p><p>By Zig Ziglar</p><p>22150CD</p><p>Pure Genius:</p><p>Dan Sullivan’s Lifetime Focusing System for Total Self-Mastery</p><p>By Dan Sullivan</p><p>22160CD</p><p>All available from Nightingale-Conant —</p><p>Phone: 1-800-525-9000</p><p>or visit our website at www.nightingale.com</p><p>or for our UK clients</p><p>Phone: 01803 666100 • nightingaleconant.co.uk.</p><p>25880PG1-WCDR</p><p>TABLE OF CONTENTS</p><p>Introduction</p><p>How to Use This Workbook</p><p>SESSION ONE</p><p>SESSION TWO</p><p>SESSION THREE</p><p>SESSION FOUR</p><p>SESSION FIVE</p><p>SESSION SIX</p><p>SESSION SEVEN</p><p>SESSION EIGHT</p><p>Text4:</p>