Spica, the First Star (Chapter 3 Epilogue)

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Spica, the First Star (Chapter 3 & Epilogue)
https://docs.google.com/document/d/e/2PACX-
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"――What do you mean her condition took a sudden turn for the
worse!?”
Amamiya Gorou’s outcry was swallowed by a roar of lightning that
illuminated the stormy night sky. Through the window, the fierce wind
was shaking the trees in the forest.
Due to a heavy, off-season storm (a rare sight for January), it had been
pouring with rain since noon. According to the weather forecast,
Takachiho would be stormy all night. The raindrops were pelting the
hospital windows relentlessly like a machine gun.
I hate this, Gorou thought. It was a night like this, fraught with
nature's wrath, that had claimed his grandmother’s life. Bad things
always seem to happen during such wild weather.
The call from the hospital from earlier had ignited a dread deep
within him. He couldn’t shake off the worst scenarios crossing his
mind. Gorou vented his anxiety to the person who had called him,
"What exactly happened to her!? Speak up!"
"Amamiya, calm down. No matter how much you yell, it won’t help to
improve the situation."
The voice belonged to Toudou, who was sitting at the desk in the
medical office. A man nearing his fifties, he was a neurosurgeon at the
hospital where Gorou worked as a resident. Notably, he was also the
attending physician of Tendouji Sarina.
Despite his receded hairline, Toudou was a well-established veteran of
the hospital. In his career as a neurosurgeon especially, he had been
proven to have no equal, performing over 50 surgeries annually. As a
resident here, Gorou had received his help numerous times thanks to
his surgical expertise.
However, the once professional figure of Toudou was now replaced by
exhaustion. His once keen eyes, now hidden behind glasses, seemed
distant, reflecting the grave nature of their late-night gathering.
Apparently, he had been unable to leave the ICU room up until now. In
short, it meant that the situation was urgent.
"I’m really sorry to call you this late," said Toudou, bowing his head
apologetically. However, Gorou pressed further.
"It doesn't matter! I just need to know why it suddenly turned out like
this!"
"I fully understand how you feel. I want to know, too, just as much as
you do," holding a coffee cup, Toudou sighed deeply.
Roughly thirty minutes had passed since Toudou's urgent call with the
words, “I need to talk to you about Sarina-chan.” That’s when Gorou,
who had only gotten home, found himself hastily redressing, and
hurriedly returning to the hospital in a harsh stormy midnight.
As a medical resident, Gorou understood all too well the gravity of an
emergency call from the hospital. The seriousness of the situation was
not lost on him.
"Sarina-chan's condition took a grave turn a few hours ago. A high
fever and convulsions have thrust her into a coma."
“It's a very dangerous situation,” Toudou reiterated to Gorou, as if
warning him once again.
"We have done the best we can, but Sarina-chan still teeters on the
brink of life and death. Surviving tonight is critical for her."
"Impossible...!" Gorou, struggling to grasp the reality, could only shake
his head in disbelief. The news felt like there was a relentless grip on
his heart, refusing to let go.
Just until noon today, he and Sarina had been engaged in
conversations about their exciting plans for the B-Komachi concert in
Miyazaki. What to wear on the day or what to say to Ai when they met
her - they had just been getting excited about such trivial topics.
"Being suddenly told that tonight is critical… It doesn’t make sense!
Isn't there anything more we can do, Sensei?"
"Unfortunately, not everything can be healed." Toudou shook his head
weakly, cursing his powerlessness to save this girl.
"Two years ago, we also performed a resection surgery, but even then,
we found that the tumour had metastasized to other parts of the brain.
We knew from the beginning that we couldn't stop the progression of
the symptoms."
Anaplastic astrocytoma — the name of the disease that Sarina was
battling. In essence, it was a type of aggressive brain cancer located in
the cerebral hemisphere. Common indicators of this ailment included
sensory disruptions, challenges with mobility, and cognitive deficits.
The prognosis showed a five-year survival rate of approximately 20%
post-diagnosis, highlighting the disease's difficulty to treat.
Certainly, Gorou knew that it wasn't an illness that could easily be
cured.
"If the astrocytoma has metastasized, radiation therapy is also
ineffective. It was obvious that this day would come. Amamiya, you
were prepared for this, right?"
“I… was… but," Gorou couldn't help but retort, "Until this afternoon,
she was full of life! She could talk normally and had a good appetite.
She was even excitedly talking about the concert...!"
"... I see," Toudou responded in a soft tone as his shoulders slumped.
"But Amamiya, that’s the cruel reality of an illness. It always takes the
lives of our patients in moments we least expect them to."
"This can't be happening…!"
"I don't want to believe it either. It's always like this when something
like this happens," Toudou replied with sympathy. It wasn't just
Toudou; the collective sympathy of the medical staff enveloped Gorou.
They all knew how much he frequently visited and cared for Sarina.
“Um…” A young nurse approached Gorou, "I think Sarina-chan's
vibrant energy was her way of displaying courage and resilience,
particularly when she was around Amamiya-sensei."
"Around… me?"
The nurse continued, "For weeks, her condition spiralled. She’s had
several seizures, and her memory and speech deteriorated."
"How could this be?… Then why..."
Why didn't you tell me? Gorou nearly voiced this question but caught
himself mid-thought. As a resident, and with Sarina not being his
patient, their relationship had been limited to casual conversations.
He understood his position didn't warrant inquiries into her health
issues. It was already clear to him; he didn't need anyone else pointing
out these boundaries.
However, the response from the nurse took Gorou by surprise,
deviating from his expectations. "She insisted that we keep it from
you. 'Please, don't tell Sensei,' she had said."
"Huh...?"
"She held her moments with Amamiya-sensei very dearly. 'My dearest
wish is to continue these happy conversations with Sensei,' she had
confided. She believed that if you knew her condition was
deteriorating, your talks wouldn’t be the same anymore…"
Gorou was speechless. He couldn't believe that he had made Sarina
worry about him like that.
"She said she wanted to go to the idol concert in spring,” with a solemn
expression, Toudou broke the silence. “I granted her the permission to
go out while being aware that the likelihood of her attending the
concert was slim, ten percent at most."
"Despite knowing the odds…" Gorou found himself asking, "...Why did
you give her permission?"
"I knew that this would be her last chance to make memories, anyway.
If she could go, it would be fortunate. Even if she couldn't, it would still
be something to look forward to until that day."
"The thought of her having something to look forward to... that’s just
too cruel."
"Sarina-chan must have understood the reality of her condition. It is
her body after all."
"How could I have been so ignorant..." Gorou felt like an idiot. He
swore to be a doctor, but he couldn’t even see through a patient lying
about her condition.
“Damn it!” He clenched his teeth in frustration. If only he had realised
that lie. If only he had noticed Sarina's condition sooner. If he had, he
could have spent more time on more important things with her.
"What about her parents? Considering their daughter's dire state, they
should be here right now."
“Well, you see…” The nurse shook her head. According to her, Sarina's
parents were caught up with unavoidable commitments and they
wouldn’t be able to visither in time.
Gorou couldn't understand Sarina's parents' reasoning at all. They
rarely visited their daughter, and now they weren’t even there to see
her in her last moments.
What do they think of their own child? Do they even consider how
their actions might make their child feel? With Sarina's parents
showing such cold behaviour, Gorou felt his entire body boiling with
anger.
"Why is this happening!?" Gorou couldn't help but raise his voice.
"Why won’t Sarina’s parents show up even when she’s on the brink of
death?!"
"Both of them are working in the inner-city area, so they can’t come
right away…" The nurse responded with a troubled expression, partly
sympathising with Sarina's situation, but also seeming to have already
become resigned to it.
However, Gorou simply couldn't accept this and wasn't ready to
surrender so easily. Time spent with family is limited. It's essential to
forge lasting memories while the opportunity exists, lest one lives with
eternal regret. Gorou knew all too well the void of growing up without
parental memories from birth. He didn’t want Sarina to experience
such loneliness.
"Are they really her parents!? A mother should–"
Beside the frustrated Gorou, Toudou sighed. "That’s an illusion. Such
parents exist, you know? They’re a lot more common than you’d
think."
His voice was cold. Strangely, there was neither anger nor sadness on
his face. Toudou was a seasoned surgeon. He was no stranger to death,
including those of children. Just as he stated, parents like Sarina’s
were hardly rare. That was the reality.
However, even so, Gorou couldn't accept Sarina's parents' decision.
Letting her die alone like this was just too sad.
Toudou continued quietly, "Sarina-chan holds you dear. You should
stay by her side until the end."
Gorou remained silent. He felt furious, yet he didn’t know who or
what to direct it toward.
Toudou might have seen through those feelings. He exhaled softly,
looking at Gorou with a sympathetic gaze. "Enduring this pain is part
of our journey as doctors. Try not to lose heart."
Even if Gorou was told something like that, he didn't know how to
respond. Besides, he still didn't have the capacity to accept this
situation.
Gorou could only manage to faintly nod in agreement, saying nothing
more.
※
Room 201 was enveloped by a surreal mood. In the darkness, the
relentless rain and rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor were the
only noises breaking the silence. Those two sounds seemed to create a
discordant harmony that didn't fit together at all.
Sarina, the occupant of this hospital room, was lying quietly on the
bed with her eyes closed. Her skin was parched and pale as porcelain.
She looked just like a lifeless doll. It was painfully apparent that she
was headed for death.
Although she was unconscious, the signs of her intense suffering were
evident. Her breathing was shallow and strained beneath the oxygen
mask, and her brow was wrinkled with deep lines of distress.
Just half a day ago, she was laughing cheerfully, but now she was
completely different. It was hard to believe she was the same person.
Gorou sat by her, his head bowed in contemplation. “Why? Why did it
have to be this way?”
It was not Gorou’s first time witnessing death in the hospital. He had
also experienced saying goodbye to his own grandmother, and had bid
farewell to several patients he got friendly with during his residency.  
However, none of them ever affected him this much. Watching Sarina
gradually weaken, he felt like something inside him was about to
collapse.
The reason was clear. It was simply that Sarina had become a very
significant part of his life.
"At first, I thought you were just a weird girl."
It was last summer when Gorou met Sarina for the first time.
It happened when he stopped her from trying to escape the hospital.
As he listened to her talk about Ai and B-Komachi, they gradually
became close enough to chat often. He remembered every single one
of his interactions with Sarina clearly. Her joy in sharing her passions
had gradually warmed his heart.
Gorou had never been as passionate about anything as Sarina was. His
interests were few and far between–his interest was primarily
reading. But even then, he never prioritized it. Loving something with
all of his life was something very foreign to him.
Perhaps that's why he was drawn to Sarina. Now, he could finally
begin to understand the reason.
"Despite facing similar circumstances, you were fundamentally
different from me."
Sarina never received love from her family. She was always alone in
the hospital. Seeing her like that, perhaps Gorou projected himself
onto her. Gorou never knew about his parents and had always lived
according to his grandmother’s expectations, never having the chance
to chase his dreams. In that sense, Gorou was able to relate to Sarina.
However, Sarina possessed what he didn’t–something she had for Ai
and B-Komachi–a passionate enthusiasm. He couldn’t fully understand
that emotion–but it made him happy to see Sarina enjoying her idol-
supporting activities.
Perhaps the desire to feel saved by her smile was present within
Gorou. Sarina, who could wholeheartedly say, "I love Ai-chan!" shined
radiantly in his eyes.
"Yeah, you were looking forward to it so much… seeing Ai in person…"
When Gorou had brought tickets to the B-Komachi concert in Miyazaki
to Sarina, she had expressed her happiness with all her heart and soul.
Just seeing her happy, it was enough to make Gorou’s efforts feel
worthwhile.
However, just as the joy of that moment was finally within reach,
Sarina's life was nearing its time limit.
"God, why is this happening... It's unbearably cruel..."
At merely twelve years old, Sarina's life was being cut short. A life that
should have been filled with school, friends, and the joys of youth was
instead confined to a hospital bed–a solitary end that seemed
tragically unjust.
As he gazed at Sarina's peaceful face, Gorou bit down on his lower lip
tightly. Despite his deep empathy, he was rendered helpless, a feeling
that gnawed at him relentlessly.
Basically, even veteran doctors including Toudou had determined that
they were helpless. That was understandable. Despite modern
medicine, it seemed rescuing her was no longer possible.
All that was left for Gorou was the agonizing vigil by her side while
witnessing her gradual departure from life.
This sense of impotence was suffocating, stirring a profound distress
within him.
At that moment.
"...Sensei?"
Sarina's eyelids slowly fluttered open. Consciousness had temporarily
returned to her. With shaky hands, she removed her oxygen mask and
offered Gorou a weak smile.
"You came here for me...sorry, I didn’t realise you were here."
"Don't push yourself, Sarina-chan. You need to rest ― "
“You know…” Before Gorou could stop her, Sarina interrupted him. "I
had a dream."
"A dream?"
"I...was an idol." Her voice was serene, her eyes gleaming with an
intensity that belied her frail condition. "In my dream, I was a part of
B-Komachi...taking the stage like Ai-chan, performing in front of a
large audience."
"Performing..."
"Along with two others. They were both very charming and we got
along really well..." A soft chuckle escaped Sarina. "It's somehow
odd...considering B-Komachi has seven members now."
"Well, dreams are illogical, after all." Gorou attempted to match
Sarina’s smile, though it felt painfully forced.
Sarina's fervour in sharing her dream even as her life neared its end
was painfully poignant
"In that dream, Sensei, you were in the crowd too. Waving glow sticks,
cheering us on. I was so happy…"
Sarina's eyes narrowed as a solitary tear traced a path down her dry
cheek.
At a loss for words, Gorou’s smile strained, but he nodded in
agreement. "Leave the support to me.  I'll be cheering you on from the
front row when you become an idol."
"Hehe...Sensei's completely turned into a big idol fan, right?"
"No, that's not it ― " Gorou started to object but stopped as Sarina
grimaced, asign her headache was flaring up again.
Quickly, he reached over to hit the nurse call button beside her bed.
"Hold on. I'll get Toudou-sensei right away."
But Sarina shook her head saying, "It's okay. I know my own body...it’s
already hopeless..."
"That's not true. This illness can improve. Your discharge from the
hospital is just around the corner. Then you'll be free to attend B-
Komachi concerts and chase your dream of becoming an idol." Gorou
was painfully aware of the hollowness in his words even as he spoke.
The future he painted was one Sarina could no longer reach. Despite
his wishful thinking, some realities could not be changed.
Sarina seemed to understand this too as she met Gorou's gaze with a
faint smile.
"Sensei, you're so kind. But your lies need work..."
"A lie…I wasn’t…"
"Your face says otherwise. You need to get better at lying..."
With a tender smile, Sarina reached for an item on her bedside table,
offering it to Gorou. "Sensei...this is…for you."
In her hand was an acrylic keychain, featuring a caricature of Ai with
the inscription “Ai is my star forever and ever!!!” – a piece of official B-
Komachi merch.
"I went to B-Komachi’s concert once…when I was still healthy. That’s
the prize I got from a capsule toy machine."
Sarina's voice faded with each word, as if each utterance was drawing
from her dwindling reserves of life. And Gorou, witnessing this, felt a
profound despair for his inability to alter the course of events.
"Please, take good care of it, just as if it were me."
Sarina had dreamt of attending a B-Komachi concert, yet her declining
health had dashed those hopes, confining her to the hospital instead of
experiencing the live performance she yearned for.
That solitary engagement at a B-Komachi event made the keychain an
invaluable keepsake. Gorou could only guess the intense feelings
Sarina attached to this gesture of giving it away.
Yet, he knew he must mask his sorrow in front of Sarina. With
determined resolve, Gorou accepted the keychain.
"Got it. I’ll take good care of it…forever!"
Sarina's response was a smile of contentment, her gaze soft and
tearful.
"Sensei, I love you..."
Her fingertip brushed Gorou's cheek, chillingly devoid of warmth,
signalling the fading of her life's flame.
"If...I was ever reborn, I’m sure ― "
With these words left hanging, Sarina's eyes gently closed, her hand
falling to the bed, a final gesture of farewell. The once rhythmic beat
of the monitor ceased, marking the end of Sarina's life.
Gorou had forgotten how to breathe.
Reincarnation was impossible. He would never see Sarina's smile
again. The irreversible reality that her smile was forever gone
weighed heavily upon him.
In his heart, he questioned the essence of his role. The overwhelming
sense of futility overpowered him, stirring a deep nausea.
For a brief period, he had served merely as Sarina's companion in
conversation-- incapable of saving her or imparting even a sliver of
happiness in her final days.
What did it mean to be a doctor? What did it entail to be called
"Sensei"? His sense of powerlessness made him want to vomit.
Shrouded in darkness, Gorou remained fixated on Sarina’s lifeless
body. His blurred vision obscured her face, yet he could not look away.
Outside, the sound of heavy rain came from a distant place.
※
Ever since then, the busy days continued.
By the time Sarina's parents eventually showed up at the hospital, it
had already been three days since her death. Moreover, only her
father came. He merely greeted the doctor and the staff, hardly saying
a word. He quickly retrieved Sarina's body and transported it directly
to the hearse.
Gorou hadn’t been present at the scene either. He didn't trust himself
to remain calm upon seeing Sarina's parents.
On that day, Gorou simply immersed himself in clinical training. He
attended senior physicians' rounds, assisted in surgeries, and silently
listened to the director's lectures.
The following day, and the day after that, he repeated the same
routine. When engrossed in something, there was no need to dwell on
other thoughts. For Gorou, that was the most carefree state. Thus,
several days passed since the day he parted with Sarina. February
arrived, but the harsh cold of winter still persisted.
Outwardly, Gorou's life remained unchanged. Like the days before
meeting Sarina, he methodically tackled his responsibilities. Focused
on the goal of becoming an obstetrician, he diligently devoted himself
to his studies. The only notable change was an increase in the amount
of alcohol he consumed after work.
"――Here you go, a single malt, neat."
So said the silver-haired owner, placing a glass of amber liquid in
front of Gorou. This was a long-established bar located behind
Nobeoka Station. There were six seats at the counter and two tables.
Apart from Gorou sitting at the counter, there wasn't a single
customer.
The bar seemed to be run solely by the elderly owner. Every item,
from tableware to shelves and even the leather chairs, gave off a retro
vibe. Vintage guitars adorned the walls, along with jazz records from
the '70s. Although the place felt like it had been forgotten by time, it
carried a surprisingly pleasant atmosphere. It was just the right kind
of place to calmly enjoy a drink.
Gorou downed the glass of whiskey in one gulp. The faint aroma
wafted through his mouth, leaving a burning sensation in his throat. A
swaying sense of intoxication surged in Gorou’s mind. The world
distorted, and a faint warmth settled in. Gorou had no intention of
enjoying the taste from the beginning. Right now, all he craved was the
alcohol. If he wasn't drunk, he would be overwhelmed by a helpless
sense of powerlessness.
Placing his empty glass on the counter, Gorou looked up at the owner.
"Another one, please."
The owner furrowed his brow as he looked at Gorou's face. His
already wrinkled face creased even further.
"Still drinking, huh? Young man, you've been hitting it hard tonight.
How about some water for a change?"
Even if told such things, there was no reason for Gorou to be dictated
by others. He drank because he wanted to get drunk. That was all.
Gorou said nothing, just staring at the owner. Seemingly out of
options, the owner sighed and took Gorou's glass. Refilling it with
whiskey, he placed it back in front of Gorou. "Here. This makes it your
twentieth drink tonight."
"Yeah, thanks."
Gorou gave a half-hearted response and brought the glass to his lips.
The taste of the alcohol was neither good nor bad. It wasn't just the
alcohol; he had lost his taste for anything he consumed.
The bar owner, with a concerned expression, directed his gaze across
the counter.
"Listen, I don't know what you're going through, but drinking
recklessly isn't good."
"Well, it's not like I intended to do that."
"It's bad for your health. You're still young, and it’d be troublesome if
you ended up needing a doctor's help."
I am that doctor, Gorou thought of saying, but instead he just
shrugged. In reality, he was just a resident, and even if he were a full-
fledged doctor, it wouldn't change anything. He had already
experienced deeply how powerless a doctor could be.
"I won't cause any trouble for you, so please just leave me be."
The owner seemed to have grasped Gorou's refusal. He simply replied,
"I see," and averted his gaze from Gorou. Gorou appreciated these
moments of understanding, and it was one of the reasons he liked this
place. Gorou tried to lift the glass again and bring it to his mouth when
a chime sounded. It was the sound of the bar's doorbell.
"Oh, it's Gorou-chan."
Addressed by the voice, Gorou turned his eyes toward the entrance. A
flashy woman with wavy, chestnut-coloured hair entered the bar. She
appeared to be around the same age as Gorou. She wore a frilly top
that exposed her shoulders, paired with a pink mini skirt. Her makeup
was quite heavy, giving the impression of someone working in the
nightlife industry. Gorou vaguely recognized her mascara-laden eyes."Uh, well―"
"It's me, Yumiko. Did you forget?"
The woman, who introduced herself as Yumiko, approached the
counter and took a seat next to Gorou. A strong, sweet scent of
perfume greeted his nose.
"Barkeep, I'll have what Gorou-chan is having, please."
Gorou tried to recall if he had met her somewhere before, but with the
alcohol affecting his head, it was an impossible task. If he couldn't
remember, there was no point in dwelling on it. It didn't seem like she
was that important anyway.
As Gorou downed the whiskey, he muttered an apology.
"Sorry, but I have no recollection of who you are."
For some reason, Yumiko found this amusing and giggled,
"You're so mean~. Gorou-chan, your jokes are still as sharp as ever."
"It's not like I'm joking."
"Oh, you seriously forgot, huh? Well, it's been about a year since you
and I last drank together. Nostalgic, isn't it? Haha."
Yumiko flashed a suggestive smile, leaning in close to Gorou familiarly.
The proximity was as if their breaths were touching. Apparently, she
wasn't just any regular drinking buddy.
"You haven't been in touch with me at all lately. I've been so lonely,
you know?"
There was a time when Gorou used to frequent this area for drinks. It
was right after returning to Miyazaki for training after graduating
from a medical school in Tokyo. She might have been one of those
women he got close to during that time. There were many possibilities,
so it's hard to say for sure.
"Well, it's understandable that you're busy. After all, you're a budding
doctor. The girls won't leave you alone."
"It's not like that, really."
Come to think of it, Gorou felt that he hadn't been spending time with
women lately. His interests had been focused on B-Komachi all the
time. Whether it was watching live concert videos borrowed from
Sarina, listening to talk show highlights, or collecting the latest
information about B-Komachi online — without realising it, he had
been spending most of his free time chasing after Ai.
―― “Heh, despite what you say, Sensei, you seem completely
captivated by Ai?”
Suddenly, a naive voice echoed in his ears, causing a sharp pain in his
chest. Remembering such things might be due to not being drunk
enough. Gorou took another sip of whiskey. Glancing at him, Yumiko
chuckled bitterly.
"Oh my, it seems like you're in a bit of a rough patch. Did you have a
breakup or something?"
"A breakup?"
"You look kind of lonely and pitiful tonight, Gorou-chan. Just like an
abandoned puppy. I’m wondering if you recently broke up with your
lover."
"That's…none of your business."
Gorou told her off as if trying to push her away. She was shamelessly
intruding into his privacy. Quite an audacious woman.
"Just leave me alone, okay?"
However, even though Gorou said that, Yumiko showed no signs of
backing off.
"Hmm,” she muttered, brazenly peering into Gorou's face. "Gorou-
chan, you must’ve been really serious about her. What kind of
girlfriend was she?"
Ignoring her question, Gorou instead finished his drink in one gulp. In
the first place, Sarina wasn't someone he could consider a girlfriend.
On top of that, she wasn't even a patient under his care. Then, what
kind of person was Sarina to him?
Thinking about it again, expressing it in a single word might be
difficult. A girl with a rare disease that he encountered at the hospital
where he was doing his residency. A devoted fan of underground idols
who harboured a dream of becoming an idol herself. Both seemed
accurate, yet at the same time, they felt slightly off. Despite spending
half a year together, he couldn't define what she had been to him.
Although it was too late, Gorou was shocked by this realisation.
That girl's life ended on a hospital bed at the young age of twelve.
Afflicted by illness, she had neither a supportive family nor the chance
to fulfil her dreams. What was the meaning of her life? What
remained of it?
Gorou stared at the ice left in his glass, trying to picture Sarina's face.
Her innocent and radiant smile immediately came to mind. Thinking
about it brought relief to Gorou's heart. However, as time passed,
remembering her would become more challenging. Forgotten by her
family and, eventually, by Gorou himself too, would there be any
evidence left of her existence? That was a sorrowful thought indeed.
Gorou let out a sigh. Reflecting on things he didn't need to think about
made his head feel heavy. Leaving this bar would be the best choice
for today. Gorou stood up from his chair and pulled out a ten-
thousand-yen bill from the pocket of his trousers.
"Here, for the bill," he said, casually placing it on the counter and
heading towards the bar's entrance with an unsteady gait.
"Hey, where are you going?"
Gorou heard a woman's voice from behind him, but he couldn't
muster the energy to respond.
※
A cool breeze caressed Gorou's skin, heated from the alcohol. Checking
the time on the mobile phone display, it was already past 10 pm. That
should be fine. He should still be able to catch a taxi. He began
strolling towards the roundabout in front of the station. The air was
chilly, awakening his senses with each step.
To be honest, he still didn't feel drunk enough. With this level of
intoxication, he could end up dwelling on unpleasant thoughts again.
After getting home, it might be better to have another drink. As he was
thinking about this, suddenly his right shoulder felt heavy.
"Gorou-chan♡."
It was the same woman from a while ago — Yumiko. She had
somehow ended up clinging to his right arm. The strong scent of her
perfume was making him dizzy.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Hehe, looking at Gorou-chan's serious expression earlier made me
feel a bit jealous."
"Huh?"
"If it was such a heartbreaking farewell, Gorou-chan must be feeling
really down, right? How about I comfort you tonight?"
"I'm fine."
As Gorou tried to push Yumiko away, she pouted with pink cheeks.
"Eeh, come on, it's okay. We just met again after a long time. Let's go
somewhere for another drink."
"You're annoying... If you want to drink with a guy, there are plenty
around. Just pick one from the bunch."
Although Gorou immediately tried to shake her off, Yumiko seemed
determined not to let go. She firmly held onto his arm with both
hands.
"Well, if that's the case, it doesn't have to be alcohol. We can go
somewhere to rest."
"Cut it out."
Gorou shook his head in frustration. He felt bothered to be caught up
in such a situation. In the past, it might have been different, but now
he wasn't in the mood to deal with such frivolous women.
"Come on, let me go."
As he tried to pull Yumiko away, a deep voice suddenly shouted from
behind.
"Hey! What the hell do you think you are doing to my woman?"
Turning around, Gorou faced a man with his hair sticking up. He
appeared to be in his mid-thirties, well-built, and wearing a flashy
shirt with patterns. Hanging in front of his bare chest were gleaming
silver accessories. He was unmistakably a thug-like guy.
The thug glared at Gorou, veins pulsing on his forehead.
"You wanna go, huh!?"
As he postured aggressively, Yumiko quickly released her grip on
Gorou's arm with a startled, "Yikes." From this reaction, it could be
concluded that the thug was probably her lover or something. It didn't
matter to Gorou, though. Gorou adjusted his glasses and turned to face
this guy.
"Don't misunderstand. This girl just approached me on her own; it's
just that and nothing more."
"Huh!? Trying to talk your way out of this!?"
Approaching with wide steps, the man promptly grabbed Gorou by the
collar. Without hesitation, he shouted, "You bastard!" and delivered a
punch to Gorou's cheek.
Sparks scattered in front of Gorou's eyes. Faced with the sudden pain,
he couldn't do anything. His glasses slid down, tumbling onto the
asphalt road.
What the hell are you doing — Gorou tried to say, but the man swung
his fist again. Struck hard on the shoulder, Gorou ended up falling to
the ground.
"Kyaah!" Yumiko screamed. "Stop it, Tacchan, violenceis—"
"Shut up! Stay out of this!"
The man pushed Yumiko aside and continued to advance towards
Gorou. Fuelled by anger, his breathing was heavy. Gorou thought he
resembled a raging bull.
There were always people who would resort to violence at the
slightest provocation. They are afflicted by what is known as ASPD -
Antisocial Personality Disorder. Gorou vaguely remembered learning
about it back in his college days. For a resident doctor aspiring to be
an obstetrician, such knowledge was not more helpful than common
sense.
Despite being suddenly struck, Gorou's mind remained cool. It was
strangely mysterious to him how he could be so calm. Was it because
of the alcohol? Or perhaps some screws in his head had come loose,
and the function of feeling pain had gone haywire.
He vaguely remembered Sarina telling him once, "Your emotions have
already dried up, Sensei."
His current state confirmed that. He felt neither pain nor suffering,
neither joy nor pleasure.
I never thought that Sarina-chan had such an insight— as Gorou
pondered on such thoughts, he chuckled. The thug didn't take that
kindly. His expression twisted up like a demon mask.
"Are you mocking me, you bastard!?"
The thug raised his leg and aimed a kick at Gorou's navel. In the next
moment, Gorou felt a shock so intense that it threatened to turn his
stomach inside out. The tip of the man's foot slammed into
Gorou's abdomen, causing an involuntary, pathetic groan to escape
from him.
Should he run away? Stand up and defend himself? Or call the police?
In reality, there were several choices available, but Gorou simply
chose to do nothing. By surrendering himself to the pain, he thought
he could forget about unnecessary things.
Even if he were to die here, the world wouldn't change. Everything
seemed indifferent to Gorou. Taking advantage of Gorou's lack of
resistance, the thug seemed to grow more confident. Straddling Gorou,
he continued to rain down heavy blows.
"I won’t forgive you, you bastard! Laying your hands on my woman!
I'll kill you!"
Repeated blows to the face and head gradually made Gorou lose
consciousness. That woman by the side seemed to be shouting
something, but it became increasingly inaudible to him. Well, that
didn't matter either. For Gorou, everything felt worthless at that
moment. If the man wanted to kill him, he thought, let him. Perhaps it
was due to the alcohol coursing through his entire body, but
Gorou's limbs felt as heavy as lead, and he had no strength left to even
protect himself.
Living aimlessly like this, what was the point? Tomorrow and the day
after, the hollow days would continue endlessly. There was no joy to
be found in it anymore. It might be better to just be beaten to death
right here. Looking up at the twisted smile of the thug, Gorou
muttered softly under his breath.
"Might as well end it all right now."
At that moment, Gorou suddenly felt Yumiko's gaze. With hollow eyes,
she was staring quietly at Gorou. What on earth was happening? She
kept her head down and whispered softly to him.
―― "No, that won't do."
It had a peculiar tone, somewhat mysterious, clear and transparent.
The thug, stopping his hand about to strike Gorou, turned his attention
to her.
"Huh? What did you just say?"
Ignoring the thug's reaction, Yumiko took a step closer to Gorou. She
sat down, locking eyes with him. It was an eerie gaze with unnaturally
dilated pupils. It was hard to believe she was the same person from
just a few minutes ago. She seemed as if she had been possessed by
something. Yumiko continued speaking to Gorou.
"Do you think that dying here would atone for your sins? Or is that
what she hoped for?"
Gorou couldn't help but question his ears. Her hollow eyes seemed to
see through  Gorou's heart. The thug also tilted his head, puzzled.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
Unfazed, Yumiko continued.
"You are not done yet. You must not let it end here."
Even if Gorou tried to look away, he couldn't. He felt completely
overwhelmed by her. It felt like facing a being beyond human
understanding, like a God or Buddha. Gorou gasped.
"What do you mean by not done yet?"
"You still have a duty."
"A duty?"
Yumiko stood up, looking down at Gorou. It was an expression that
seemed otherworldly, not quite human.
"Embrace it. The proof that she once lived."
"She? The proof? What are you talking about? Who are you…?"
Instead of answering his question, Yumiko pointed at Gorou with her
right hand. The index finger was directed towards the chest area of his
jacket. He wondered what she intended. As he reached for the area
where she was pointing, he felt something hard under his fingertips.
Gorou suddenly remembered something. He had left the keychain he
received from Sarina in the inner pocket of this jacket. It was the
acrylic keychain she obtained at the B-Komachi live concert, featuring
a smiling illustration of Ai. The so-called "magic smile" Sarina had
mentioned before. It supposedly had a magical charm that captivated
those who looked at it.
How did this woman know about the keychain? It made no sense.
Even the thug had his mouth half-open in surprise.
"Yumiko? What's wrong with you?" the thug asked confusedly.
Without responding, Yumiko turned her back on him. She quickly
started walking away as if nothing happened.
"H-hey! Wait! Where are you going?"
The thug stood up and hurriedly followed her. It didn't take long for
the two of them to vanish into the night. Left alone on the street,
Gorou was taken aback. What on earth was the meaning behind that
woman's sudden change in behaviour?
"I don't understand..."
Gorou sat up, holding his throbbing head. Whether it was the result of
being heavily intoxicated or taking a good beating, he could hardly say
he was in a sound state of mind. Even if what just happened had been
partly an illusion, he wouldn't be surprised. However, Gorou couldn't
dismiss this conversation as a dream or hallucination. That woman's
words lingered in his mind.
"The proof that she once lived..."
Gorou once again looked at the keychain. The words "Ai is my star
forever and ever!!!" were still there. The magical smile that hadn't
changed since that day was sparkling brilliantly.
※
The next day, Gorou visited the neurosurgery department. Since the
death of Sarina, it had been a place he somehow avoided. Gorou came
here on purpose because he couldn't get the words that the woman
told him last night out of his head.
“The proof that Sarina lived…” He felt like the answer was in this
place. As soon as Gorou entered the medical office, Toudou, who was
sitting at the desk, had a startled expression on his face.
"Amamiya, what's wrong with that face of yours?"
It's no wonder Toudou was surprised. Thanks to the beating he
received from the thug last night, Gorou's face was swollen in various
places. Getting involved in a fight while drunk is certainly something
you wouldn't casually mention in the workplace.
"Oh, um... Just tripped a bit."
Of course, as a surgeon, Toudou probably saw through the fact that the
facial injuries weren't from a simple fall. Seemingly wanting to say
something, Toudou stared intently at Gorou. Since explaining was too
much of a hassle, Gorou decided to divert the topic.
"Anyway, Sensei, sorry for being out of touch. I've relied on you a lot
regarding Sarina-chan."
"Ah, no need to apologise. It was my fault. I always made you take on
the painful role."
At that moment, Toudou, as if recalling something, spoke up.
"By the way, I have something for you. It’s from Sarina-chan.."
"Something for me?"
"The nurse found it while tidying up her room. It seems it was in the
back of the drawer of the bedside table."
It was a white envelope. On the front of it, in a small, round
handwriting, it said, "To Gorou-sensei." It was a letter from Sarina to
Gorou.
"I thought I'd give it to you when I saw you. I haven't looked inside,
but... I'm sure that girl must have had something she really wanted to
tell you."
"...Thank you," Goroureplied, taking the envelope. Perhaps the answer
he was looking for was inside.
※
After exchanging a few words with Toudou, Gorou headed to Room
201 of the hospital ward. Until recently, it had been used as Sarina's
room. However, with Sarina gone, the room had a completely
different atmosphere. Curtains and bedding had been replaced with
new ones. The DVD of B-Komachi and other items that were usually
placed on the bedside table were neatly stored elsewhere. The room,
now empty, no longer carried Sarina's presence. It had a clean and tidy
atmosphere, yet there was a certain loneliness lingering.
"Let’s see here..."
Sitting deeply in the chair by the bed, Gorou directed his gaze to the
envelope in his hand. There wasn't a particular reason for him to visit
this room. It just felt somehow appropriate to read her letter in this
place. That was the extent of his thoughts.
He cut the envelope's edge with a paper cutter. Inside was a single
sheet of cute character-printed stationery, carefully folded. As he
opened the letter, the lines jumped into his sight.
[Heya, Sensei! I guess by the time you read this, I probably won’t be
around anymore. Knowing you, Sensei, you must be acting cool but
secretly feeling sad inside, right?]
Upon reading the letter, Gorou couldn't help but let out a smile and
say,
"Maybe so."
What Sarina had said wasn’t wrong. She understood Amamiya
Gorou's personality quite well.
So, for you, Sensei, I highly recommend this. Make sure to watch it.
After that sentence, there was a URL starting with "http://". Apart from
that, there was nothing else written in the letter. It felt somewhat
anticlimactic, leaving a sense of dissatisfaction.
"Does this mean I should take a look at this website...?"
Gorou took out his mobile phone and entered the URL written in the
letter into the browser. Apparently, it was the address of a video
sharing website. As soon as the page was loaded, upbeat music started
playing.
"♫―― Do your best, do your best!
No problem!
You'll definitely be okay!"
On the screen, a stage tinted with the colours of the evening glow was
displayed. The background of the stage showed imagery reminiscent
of a school. It featured a baseball team practising on the grounds.
What kind of stage is this exactly? As Gorou puzzled over it, girls in
idol outfits resembling cheerleaders came running in from the edge of
the screen. It was B-Komachi. These girls, who he had watched over
the past six months through DVDs with Sarina, were unmistakable.
The leading girl was the unwavering centre, Ai. She stopped in the
centre of the stage, facing the camera with a full-fledged smile.
"♫ ― I want to see you
Shining in your own way,
My Idol is the best, after all!"
The screen panned up into the sky. Along with the melodious tune of
an electric guitar, the title was displayed in the centre of the screen.
'Oshi ni Negai wo' (When You Wish Upon Your Star) — that seemed to
be the title of this song.
Apparently, this video was a live show by B-Komachi. Since Gorou had
never seen it before, perhaps it was a fan-made video. The filming and
editing emitted an amateurish roughness and warmth.
"♫―― Life has its ups and downs
An easy life is rarely so."
The video's background changed from a school campus to an urban
railway station. Commuting office workers were absorbed into the
station with tired expressions. As if encouraging them, the members of
B-Komachi in cheerleader outfits shook their pom-poms with beaming
smiles on their faces.
"♫―― There are nights when you might want to cry,
But with earphones on,
Look up at the stars."
Ai extended her hand straight towards the camera. Gorou was
suddenly stunned by that gesture. It felt as if she was singing just for
him alone.
"♫ ― No matter when, always look ahead,
With a face full of peace signs, I'm captivated by you."
The background changed again, this time to a community centre hall.
Even among the elderly gathered in the hall, Ai's smile was shining
even brighter.
"♫ ― When you're feeling down,
I'll give you a push,
Because that's my happiness."
An arcade street with shoppers. A park where children gathered. The
background kept changing one after another. B-Komachi kept on
dancing enthusiastically in front of those images.
So that's it, Gorou thought.
The concept of this live performance was "support." Supporting
various people continuously, be they students or working adults,
young or old. In Ai's determined gaze, he could even feel the ambition
to uplift all of Japan.
"♫―― Do your best, do your best!
No problem!
You'll definitely be okay!"
"♫ ― I want to see you
Shining in your own way,
My Idol is the best, after all!"
The chorus repeated, and the interlude played. The other members
moved out of the frame, and the camera zoomed in on Ai. It seemed to
be her turn to speak.
"Everyone! Thank you for listening to our new song! B-Komachi's first
youth support song ‘Oshi ni Negai wo,’ how is it!? By the way, I was the
one who planned out this performance!”
"Oh, really?"
Gorou marvelled. He had always thought Ai was a talented girl, but he
never expected her to handle this kind of planning as well. Perhaps
there's a possibility that this song was filled with the feelings she really
wanted to convey. Ai's gaze in the video pierced straight through
Gorou.
"For me, everyone is my Idol. Whether it’s my teammates or the fans
of B-Komachi. And also, the people who will become fans in the
future...so, I want everyone to give their best in life with all their
might!"
Ai held the microphone, smiling brightly. A magical smile.
"'Do your best' is such an irresponsible phrase, even so, I want to say
it. If even one person can feel encouraged by this song, that’s enough
to make me happy!"
With Ai's words, the interlude once again climaxed. The other
members returned from offscreen, reorganising into a dance
formation around Ai. The music part resumed.
"♫―― Go, go, humanity!
Go, go, Earth!"
"♫―― Let this melody reach the world,
Our wishes for our Idol
Will change the future!"
Everyone was her Idol. Were Ai's words her true feelings, or just a
cheap catchphrase common in the idol world? Gorou no longer cared
either way. Because her irresponsible support had shaken
Gorou's heart to a painful degree.
"♫―― Do your best, do your best!
No problem!
You'll definitely be okay!"
The chorus of the C-part. Ai's powerful gaze felt as if it was earnestly
pushing Gorou's back, saying, "Do your best, do your best!" Perhaps, in
the past, Sarina too had gone through her life, fighting against her
illness, supported by this song.
"♫ ― I want to see you
Shining in your own way,
My Idol is the best, after all!"
Gorou realised that this was what she wanted to convey to him.
Supporting Ai was Sarina's reason for living. In other words, the proof
that she had lived.
"Supporting someone is a way to make yourself happy…huh."
The words he had once told Toudou suddenly echoed in his chest.
Gorou couldn't help but let out a chuckle.
"I said that as a joke, you know...but for Sarina-chan, it really turned
out to be true."
From the beginning, Gorou had nothing to worry about. Sarina had
already found happiness in living through Ai's song. And Sarina didn't
just do it for herself, but through this song, she tried to uplift Gorou as
well. Typical for her, in her own unique way.
"Geez, Sarina-chan... even until the very end, you're still doing idol-
supporting activities."
As a smile spread across his face, a warm teardrop trickled down
Gorou's cheek. The teardrop fell onto the screen of his mobile phone,
blurring the image of the dancing B-Komachi. He should be
unbearably sad, yet he felt incredibly joyful. He should be crying his
eyes out, but instead, he wanted to burst into laughter. Sarina's parting
gift was shaking Gorou's soul every which way.
"Haha...my mind's all messed up. They're really amazing — Ai and
Sarina-chan."
Why was that? Watching Ai's earnest performance made him feel like
Sarina was there, singingand dancing along. If only she were still
alive. If only she could have fulfilled her dreams. Undoubtedly, she
would have become a source of encouragement for everyone around
her, just like Ai.
Sarina, on the crowded stage, wearing a smile of utmost effort towards
the audience — somehow, Gorou could vividly imagine such a future.
"♫―― Do your best, do your best!
No problem!
You'll definitely be okay!"
You’ll be okay. Pushed forward by such positive lyrics, Gorou found
himself in a mood where he wanted to believe in the future. He
wanted to believe that Sarina would be reborn somewhere, and this
time, her dreams would be fulfilled. Being led to think about such a
seemingly impossible future, Gorou couldn't help but feel that this idol
named Ai might genuinely be someone special after all.
“Right, Sensei? Ai-chan is the best, isn't she?”
Suddenly, he felt as if he heard a voice saying that from somewhere.
Seriously, it's so like her, Gorou thought, wiping his eyes with the back
of his hand.
"♫ ― I want to see you
Shining in your own way,
My Idol is the best, after all!"
Before he knew it, Gorou found himself humming along with the
chorus, in sync with Ai on the screen.
※
"... Well, Toudou-sensei. Certainly, Aripyan and Kyunpan can sing well.
But you know, Ai's singing has a potential that can't be expressed with
simple words like 'good' or 'bad'. It's at a level that instantly captures
the interest of everyone watching the stage. There aren’t many idols
like that, even the mainstream ones. To be frank, she could sell out the
Tokyo Dome right now. Yes, it's downright miraculous —"
"Wait a moment," Toudou interjected. "Amamiya, sorry for
interrupting your passionate speech, but I have no idea what you're
talking about."
"What am I talking about? Because, Sensei, you said 'I don't know
what's good about idols' so I'm just explaining it to you."
"Well, I didn't really ask for an explanation..."
"No, no, don't say that. You'll definitely be hooked. I'm confident about
it."
It was inside the medical office, at Toudou's desk. Gorou, with an
excited demeanour, was talking volubly to the seemingly speechless
Toudou about the greatness of his favourite idol.
It had been about three months since Gorou received Sarina's letter
through Toudou.
Since that day, two significant changes had occurred in Gorou's daily
life. One was quitting heavy drinking after work. The second was
starting his idol-supporting activities instead. He began gathering
information and items related to B-Komachi, thoroughly enjoying
them and spreading them to those around him. Just as Sarina used to
do, Gorou decided to fully dedicate himself to supporting Ai. Watching
over the future of the girl Sarina had dreamed of. By doing so, he felt
like he could also move forward.
Ignoring Toudou's cold gaze, Gorou continued enthusiastically, "You
know, I used to think not too long ago that it's strange for a grown man
to be infatuated with a girl more than a decade younger. But I realised
that was a mistake."
"Huh?"
"Age doesn't matter when it comes to good things. In fact, by
supporting them, you can gain unlimited energy. I feel like I'm in my
teens! Seriously, I feel young again."
"Young, huh…"
Toudou gave him a suspicious look. It wasn't just him. Other doctors
and nurses in the room were staring at Gorou with scornful eyes from
a distance.
"... Isn't Amamiya-sensei acting a bit weird lately?"
"… I wonder if he's taking some dangerous drugs or something."
"... I'm a bit shocked. I used to think he was cool."
Baseless rumours were flying around, but right now Gorou couldn't
care less. Being obsessed with his favourite idol was everything to him
now. Towards Toudou, who looked exasperated, Gorou casually
bowed.
"Well then, I'll be leaving early today."
"What do you mean, 'well then'? You haven't submitted today's report
yet."
"Well, you see, tonight is the long-awaited B-Komachi's live show in
Miyazaki. I don't have time to write a report."
Perhaps Gorou's confident declaration may have left Toudou too
stunned to articulate a counterargument. He just stared with his
mouth slightly open, tilting his head and muttering, "Huh?"
"I'll put together the report tomorrow. Goodbye, Sensei."
With that, it seemed settled. Without waiting for a response, Gorou left
the medical office in high spirits. Looking up at the sky from the
hallway window, Gorou saw the evening sky dyed in a deep crimson.
It was a little past 5 PM. If he drove quickly now, he would make it in
time for the live show. His recent favourite song, "Oshi ni Negai wo,"
was echoing in his mind. He wondered if Ai would be performing this
upbeat youth support song at today's live show.
"When you're told 'do your best,' well, you can't help but want to do
your best, right?"
Gorou casually looked up at the eastern sky from the window. There,
the first star was sparkling in aquamarine colour.
"― Ah, the first star."
A lone star was sparkling in the crimson-soaked eastern sky. Hoshino
Ai was so taken by the sight of it that she couldn't help but let out a
sigh of admiration.
"Haaa~, come to think of it, it's been a while since I last saw stars."
Ai leaned casually against the wall of the hall as she gazed up at the
vast expanse of the sky. With about an hour remaining until the live
show kicked off, she figured there was no harm in taking it easy and
passing the time with a little stargazing.
She was waiting in the parking lot of a famous concert hall in
Miyazaki City. It was surrounded by nature—rice fields, forests, and a
big river. Houses were few and far between, and there wasn't a
skyscraper in sight, unlike the Tokyo metropolitan area. With minimal
artificial light, the night sky looked stunningly beautiful. It felt like you
could almost reach out and grab the stars.
"Miyazaki really is something else. You wouldn't see this in Tokyo."
B-Komachi was currently in the midst of its first nationwide tour since
its formation. It covered ten cities nationwide from the southern part
of Japan, with the Miyazaki venue being the debut stage. This
nationwide tour marked a first for B-Komachi. Their performances in
Tokyo typically catered to regular, familiar patrons, but this time
around, the majority of the audience would consist of new fans they'd
be meeting for the first time.
On top of all that, there was a special meet-and-greet event scheduled
after their live performance. They were supposed to engage in a short
conversation with holders of premium tickets in individual booths. As
a result, the tour was packed to the brim with all sorts of first-time
experiences. It was enough to make some of the other girls in B-
Komachi go white in the face with nerves.
Well, it wasn't like it would affect the live performance itself. Even so,
Ai lightly sympathised with her, saying, "It's really scary, huh?"
Hearing that, the other member looked relieved. “Ai-chan, do you feel
the same way?” It seemed like, in this case, she'd be able to put on a
smiling face by the time of the actual performance.
In truth, Ai wasn't really feeling at all nervous. If anything, she was
looking forward to enjoying the trip and trying some delicious food.
Plus, the night sky, a sight not common in Tokyo, was a real treat. As
she focused her gaze, the first star twinkled in solitude.
“It really is beautiful. I wish I'd brought a telescope.”
In the dim twilight bordering dusk and night, Ai wondered what that
star was thinking as it shone. Did it ever feel lonely and isolated, or
maybe it didn't care about such things―? As she mulled it over, she
was approached from the side.
"So you were here. Couldn't spot you back in the dressing room, so I
came looking for you."
The slightly sketchy middle-aged man, sporting sunglasses and an
unbuttoned shirt— the president of Strawberry Productions— looked
a little flustered. His name was probably Saiki-san or something like
that. As usual, Ai wasn't entirely sure. Once he spotted her, though, he
looked relieved.
"What's up,Ai? Why'd you go running off to the parking lot of all
places?"
"The stars are beautiful, you know? I thought I'd take a moment to
enjoy them."
"Oh, yeah? It's not because there's some more drama going on with the
others back in the dressing room, is it?"
The president peered into Ai's face with a worried expression. After
everything that had happened last summer, he'd been keeping a close
eye on her. Despite his laid-back appearance, he was a diligent
president.
Ai grinned.
"Haha, it's okay, it's okay. I'm getting along fine with everyone, more or
less."
“Stan everyone in Japan.” That had been the goal she had set for
herself last year. This "everyone" included not just the fans, but also
the other members of B-Komachi. To that end, did her best to avoid
standing out too much and ensure that all B-Komachi members
received their fair share of the spotlight.
Lately, Ai had been focusing on supporting her teammates, subtly
relinquishing good camera positions and actively engaging with them
during talk times, whether during regular livestreams, live shows, or
practice sessions. And it looked like her approach was starting to pay
off. For the time being, at least, she wasn't facing any open
dissatisfaction. To anyone looking in from the outside, B-Komachi
seemed to have finally become a close-knit idol group.
"Well, I know you're working hard. Thanks to you, B-Komachi has
gotten big enough to tour like this."
"Yeah, you should be totally grateful to me, President," Ai said jokingly.
The president snorted, "I appreciate you, don't get me wrong. But as B-
Komachi climbs higher, your centre position becomes more and more
crucial. And with that, you can bet there's going to be even more envy
stirring up from here on out."
Actually, what the president said made sense to Ai. Even now, she
could detect the undercurrents of dissatisfaction among the other
members regarding her position. However, she made a conscious
decision not to dwell on it, feigning ignorance and navigating through
smoothly. Ai felt she'd gotten pretty adept at wearing her "normal"
mask over the past year.
"I think I’ll be fine. I'm really good at lying, you know?" she replied.
The president made a complicated face, and said, "Well, if you say so,
then let it be…"
"Forget all that." Ai pointed to the night sky, "Why don't you relax and
take a look at the night sky, President? It's really beautiful."
"The night sky, huh?"
"Instead of just looking at young girls all the time, I think it's important
to connect with nature occasionally, don't you think?"
"Hey now, hold up before you say something that sounds off! It's not
like I'm only looking at young girls all year round!"
"Who knows?" Ai shrugged.
The President always had a thing for young and attractive women.
Take Miyako-san from their agency, for instance. Those effortlessly
beautiful women like her seemed to be his type. Ai couldn't help but
wonder if they'd tie the knot someday. Although she hadn't quite
figured out feelings like "love" just yet, she imagined being with
someone you liked must bring immense happiness.
She returned her gaze to the sky, searching for the first star from
earlier.
"Look, President, the first star. Isn't it so beautiful?"
"The first star?"
President also turned his gaze to the night sky. Focusing on the star in
the eastern sky, he nodded.
"Ah, that's Spica in the Virgo constellation."
"Spica?"
"The Pearl Star, they call it. It gets the name because it glimmers like a
precious gem. The bluish light feels somewhat like an aquamarine. It's
what they call a first-magnitude star."
In the President's gaze, Spica gleamed brilliantly—a first-magnitude
star. Or maybe even the king of stars. Alone in the crimson sky, its
gem-like brilliance exuded a sense of nobility that Ai marvelled at.
"Whoa. Hey, Mr. President, you really know your stuff, don't you?"
"Well, you know, I dabbled in astronomy a bit in the past."
"Oh, I see. Were you trying to impress girls, maybe?"
When Ai asked, the president bluntly averted his gaze.
"No, it's not like that."
His reaction made it clear it was exactly like that. President cleared his
throat and continued.
"Anyway, Spica is actually a twin star. "
"A twin star?"
"With just your eyes, you'd think there's only one star up there, but
that's not the whole story. Technically, it's what they call a binary star.
Close by, there's another star in the same orbit. These two stars, they
shine side by side, not too close, not too far, almost like they're
embracing."
"I see," Ai nodded, absorbing the president's explanation. That star
wasn't alone. Ai felt a sense of relief wash over her at that realisation.
No matter how dark the world might be, having another person beside
you meant you weren't alone. Together, they could support each other
and shine brightly. That's how it felt to her.
"A pair of stars shining together as twins... It's nice, isn't it?"
"Huh? Is that so?"
The president tilted his head.
"Yeah, I've always wanted a twin. Being alone with no parents or
siblings... Having a twin or a family like that would be so fun and
adorable."
"Hey, Ai, we’re talking about stars here, not people."
Ignoring the president's words completely, Ai continued,  
"Yeah, I was just thinking about it. If I ever become a mom, I think
having twins would be the best. It sounds like it'd be tons of fun."
"Wait, wait, wait. What are you talking about? You're an idol, for
crying out loud! Talk about having kids is at least ten... no, scratch that,
twenty years down the road, if ever!"
The president approached Ai with a hint of panic, but she remained
unfazed by it. Pursuing happiness both as an idol and as a mother
shouldn't be frowned upon.
"The air here is nice, and the nature is beautiful... President, I was
thinking, if I ever have kids, I'd love for them to be born in a place like
this."
"Are you even listening to me at all!? 'If I have kids' isn't something
you should be coming out with! Really, give me a break!"
"Heehee, I guess we'll see!"
Ai giggled and turned her gaze back at the night sky. She gazed up at
Spica, the first star, and gently clasped her hands together. If there
were a god, maybe this wish could reach them.
"May I someday have a wonderful family too."
THE END