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TEACHER ANDREA BELO 
 
 
 
AULA 04 – ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS 
TRADUÇÕES 
How to cope with parent guilt, during the pandemic and beyond 
As a mother, I’m vulnerable to the influence of our cultural messaging, and I have fallen prey to the 
“We can never give enough, do enough or be enough” narrative. As a psychologist, though, I know 
how risky this constant thread of guilt is for our well-being. Guilt can be helpful as an uncomfortable 
emotion that motivates us to make amends and change hurtful behaviors, but in the case of parent 
guilt, much of the time we are only hurting ourselves. 
Enter a global pandemic that has shattered our already precarious parenting lives and provided ample 
evidence of our systems’ failures. Employers are expecting our remote-learning children to behave 
during our work day, and women are leaving jobs in record numbers for their suddenly homebound 
children, because they “just can’t do it all anymore.” Ilyse DiMarco, a clinical psychologist and the 
author of the upcoming book “Mom Brain,” sums up the problem: “The issue with guilt right now is 
there is potential guilt with anything you do.” 
Stress levels have risen, with parents outpacing nonparents in surveys, creating fertile ground for 
mental health problems. “We’re feeling like we’re not measuring up in some area or maybe we’re not 
making the right choices,” DiMarco says. “Not surprisingly, if we feel like we’re failing, we feel 
depressed; if we’re worried about not making the right decision, we feel anxious.” 
Daily life in a pandemic has given us a host of new reasons to feel guilty. In addition to the impossibility 
of simultaneously working, parenting and, in some cases, teaching our children, we face daily 
decisions around health and safety. 
Do we allow play dates? What if all of my child’s friends are playing basketball and I say no? What if 
we choose inperson school and our child gets covid-19, or we choose remote school and our child 
becomes depressed? 
Working moms are not okay. No good choices and no good answers, but guaranteed guilt, with a 
sprinkling of judgment caused by social pressures. 
“Guilt is a useful emotion when it tells us we’ve done something wrong,” says clinical psychologist Jill 
Stoddard, author of “Be Mighty.” “What’s happening now is we feel like we’ve done something wrong 
even when we’re doing the very best we can.” 
So, what can we do about the guilt hanging heavy around our collective necks? Experts suggest a 
combination of mindfulness, meaningful self-care and shifting our perspective. 
Mindfulness 
Do not ignore the guilt; acknowledging it means you can do something about it. Even if our pandemic-
related guilt may be misplaced, Stoddard says we can still use the feeling for its positive function and 
make amends. She has told her children, “I really wish I could spend more time with you guys, and it’s 
been so hard on all of us. Things will be different someday. I’m sorry I can’t be there for you more.” 
She adds: “You’re not saying, ‘I screwed up.’ You’re saying, ‘It hurts my heart I can’t do this the way I 
wish I could right now.’ ” 
Remember you are not alone. Feelings of failure are a universal experience of parents during the 
coronavirus pandemic. Seeking social support is critical for mental health in times of stress. It can be 
as simple as texting a friend to share “Mom fails” from your day. Even this brief connection offers 
 
 
 
 
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AULA 04 – ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS 
support and solidarity, and it can decrease our sense of self-blame and inadequacy when we hear 
others’ similar feelings and experiences. 
Practice self-kindness. Talk to yourself as you would to your friend: “You are doing your very best in 
this moment.” This practice helps shift thinking patterns from self-criticism to self-compassion, which 
is known to increase positive emotions and decrease negative ones, including guilt. 
Real self-care 
Prioritize the daily demands on your time and energy. DiMarco advises doing this by asking, “What’s 
most important here, on a day-to-day or hour-to-hour basis?” Focus on what is highest on the priority 
list, and allow yourself to let go of the other potential tasks instead of feeling guilty for, inevitably, 
not getting everything done. 
Prioritize yourself. “An important piece, and counterintuitive piece, to manage guilt about not being 
there for everybody else, is to also be there for yourself, and make sure you’re on the list somewhere,” 
DiMarco says. Plan ahead to ensure time for you in the daily routine, even if it’s just 15 to 30 minutes. 
This may require an agreement with your partner and/or kids about when you will not be available 
the next day. Be realistic about the amount of time you need and how you will spend it (e.g., 15 
minutes on a meditation app). Then, stay committed to making it happen. 
Remember the basics. We make sure our kids are fed, but are we sleeping, drinking enough water, 
and eating well enough to meet our own basic needs? These stress management essentials 
strengthen us, which will help us ward off the guilt. 
Shift focus 
Adjust expectations. “If you expect yourself to stay calm and never lose it, you’re setting yourself up 
for failure,” says child and adolescent psychologist Emily W. King. “Own it that you’re more 
emotionally fragile right now, notice it and walk outside for 10 minutes, or whatever you need, instead 
of getting in a negative feedback loop, and then you’re emotionally exhausted.” 
Consider your successes. Flip the script so you’re not focusing only on the negative. What do you feel 
proud of? What can your children do now they couldn’t do a year ago? Redefine success for you and 
your children dur ing a global pandemic. “Success is not about grades but about independence or 
chores,” says King. For parents, success can be getting through each day with everyone sheltered, fed 
and in bed safely. 
Invent new narratives. Instead of looking at yourself as being never enough, how about 
acknowledging that you have been — and continue to be — enough to endure a global pandemic 
while parenting? What recent generation of parents has accomplished this? In fact, we are not just 
enough, we are so much greater. Remind yourself of this when parent guilt attempts to tread that 
familiar path, both now and after the pandemic. 
(Adapted from https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2021/02/25/how-cope-with-parent-guilt-during-pandemic-beyond/) 
 
Como lidar com a culpa dos pais, durante a pandemia e além 
Como mãe, sou vulnerável à influência de nossa mensagem cultural e sou vítima da narrativa 
"Nunca podemos dar o suficiente, fazer o suficiente ou ser o suficiente". Como psicólogo, porém, 
sei como esse fio constante de culpa é arriscado para o nosso bem-estar. A culpa pode ser útil 
como uma emoção desconfortável que nos motiva a fazer reparações e mudar comportamentos 
 
 
 
 
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AULA 04 – ADJECTIVES AND ADVERBS 
prejudiciais, mas no caso da culpa dos pais, na maior parte do tempo, estamos apenas nos 
prejudicando. 
Entre em uma pandemia global que destruiu nossa já precária vida de pais e forneceu ampla 
evidência das falhas de nossos sistemas. Os empregadores estão esperando que nossos filhos com 
aprendizagem remota se comportem durante o nosso dia de trabalho, e as mulheres estão 
deixando o emprego em números recordes para seus filhos repentinamente presos em casa, 
porque "simplesmente não podem mais fazer tudo". Ilyse DiMarco, psicóloga clínica e autora do 
próximo livro “Mom Brain”, resume o problema: “O problema com a culpa agora é que há culpa 
potencial em qualquer coisa que você faça”. 
Os níveis de estresse aumentaram, com os pais ultrapassando os não pais nas pesquisas, criando 
um terreno fértil para problemas de saúde mental. “Sentimos que não estamos medindo em 
alguma área ou talvez não estejamos fazendo as escolhas certas”, diz DiMarco. “Não é de 
surpreenderque, se sentimos que estamos fracassando, nos sentimos deprimidos; se estamos 
preocupados em não tomar a decisão certa, ficamos ansiosos.” 
A vida diária em uma pandemia nos deu uma série de novos motivos para nos sentirmos culpados. 
Além da impossibilidade de trabalhar simultaneamente, cuidar dos filhos e, em alguns casos, 
ensinar nossos filhos, enfrentamos diariamente decisões em torno da saúde e segurança. 
Nós permitimos datas de jogo? E se todos os amigos do meu filho estiverem jogando basquete e 
eu disser não? E se escolhermos a escola presencial e nosso filho obtiver 19 anos ou escolher uma 
escola remota e nosso filho ficar deprimido? 
Mães que trabalham não estão bem. Sem boas escolhas e sem boas respostas, mas culpa 
garantida, com uma pitada de julgamento causado por pressões sociais. 
“A culpa é uma emoção útil quando nos diz que fizemos algo errado”, diz a psicóloga clínica Jill 
Stoddard, autora de “Be Mighty”. “O que está acontecendo agora é que sentimos que fizemos algo 
errado, mesmo quando estamos fazendo o melhor que podemos.” 
Então, o que podemos fazer sobre a culpa pesando em torno de nossos pescoços coletivos? Os 
especialistas sugerem uma combinação de atenção plena, autocuidado significativo e mudança 
de perspectiva. 
Atenção plena 
Não ignore a culpa; reconhecê-lo significa que você pode fazer algo a respeito. Mesmo que nossa 
culpa relacionada à pandemia possa ser deslocada, Stoddard diz que ainda podemos usar o 
sentimento para sua função positiva e fazer as pazes. Ela disse a seus filhos: “Eu realmente gostaria 
de passar mais tempo com vocês, e tem sido tão difícil para todos nós. As coisas serão diferentes 
algum dia. Lamento não poder estar mais ao seu lado.” Ela acrescenta: “Você não está dizendo, 
‘Eu estraguei tudo’. Você está dizendo: ‘Dói meu coração, não posso fazer isso do jeito que gostaria 
de poder agora.’” 
Lembre-se de que você não está sozinho. Sentimentos de fracasso são uma experiência universal 
dos pais durante a pandemia do coronavírus. Buscar apoio social é fundamental para a saúde 
mental em tempos de estresse. Pode ser tão simples quanto enviar uma mensagem de texto para 
um amigo para compartilhar "Mamãe falha" do seu dia. Mesmo esta breve conexão oferece apoio