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<p>ISSUE 77 DEVOTED TO MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING £5.99 happy SKIP THE It's time SMALL TALK Could scheduling in 10 questions 'worry time' be a hack for deeper you're missing? conversations SLEEP YOU EASY Grow your own DO air-purifying sleep aids YOU RECLAIM YOUR CONFIDENCE Money matters How to take care of your financial health when you Sanctuary have ADHD Why a library card could be your most valuable wellbeing investment yet</p><p>Coming soon FINDING W H A T W O R K S BY HAPPIFUL We are all individuals, so it's not surprising that, when it comes to mental health and wellness, the combination of elements that best support us are just as unique. In our new podcast, 'Happiful: Finding What Works', host Kat Nicholls will be talking to professionals in the wellness space, and those with lived experience, to understand what it means for something to 'work', and the steps we can take to discover our own ideal support plan. We'll be diving into topics such as: Cultivating resilience Friendship boundaries Navigating diet culture Subscribe to our newsletter at</p><p>Welcome to this safe space I can vividly remember the relaxation exercise a teacher introduced to the class, all the way back in primary school. It went like this: close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Imagine you're walking through a forest - it's peaceful, this community during times of poverty, and you can hear the sound of birds housing insecurity, and mental health singing and leaves rustling. You come problems. We join those in the gaming across a big, beautiful tree, and notice community who are putting wellbeing it has a door on the side. You open the on the table (p56), and on p37 we'll step door and inside is something very, very inside the cemeteries across the country special. You spend some time with your that are letting their spaces return to special thing, and then you close the nature, prompting us to think about life door and leave, knowing you can come and our place in the world. back at any time. Oh, and if you want inspiration for Decades later, when I worked with a creating your own mental safe space, hypnotherapist to try to manage some flip to p36, where we're sharing some phobias, they offered a similar exercise, pastoral fantasies that are guaranteed to except this time I walked down a spiral transport you to another life. And then staircase, and at the bottom was a turn to our journaling section on p83, cosy room, with the most comfortable where it's over to you. This month, let armchair. It was completely silent, these pages be your safe space to learn, except for the gentle sound of a warm feel inspired, and explore whole new ECO wood fire. elements of your own wellbeing. At Happiful, inclusivity, The idea of these exercises is that they Fundamentally, when we have a strong representation, and creating create a mental safe place, somewhere safety net below us, it doesn't matter how a happier, healthier society you can always retreat to should you wobbly the tightrope we're walking on are at the forefront of need to escape for a while. For times is - if we stumble, we can bounce back our mission. To find out when the rest of the world feels up again. So build your net with self- more about our social and overwhelming, stress is knocking at knowledge, connection, and compassion. environmental pledges, your door, and the challenges we face That way, you'll visit happiful.com/pledges pile up a little too high - a bit of mental never have far respite can go a long way. to fall. W happiful.com But safety, of course, is something that F happifulhq can be found on the outside, too-in people and in spaces. On p44 we're T @happifulhq wandering the aisles of libraries, hearing KATHRYN WHEELER stories from people who leaned on GUEST EDITOR I @happiful_magazine</p><p>A safe place 19 It's worry time 44 Could scheduling 'worry time' help us cope with anxiety? 36 Escape to a pastoral fantasy 37 The cemeteries full of life What can rewilding cemeteries teach us about life and death? 44 This is a library How these radical spaces stepping up to be there for their communities 56 Meet the tabletop gamers This fantastical hobby is having real-world impact on its players PRINT EXCLUSIVE 83 We saved you a spot Dive into our reflective journaling pages Wellbeing 28 Before you rage apply Consider these questions 32 The perfectionist trap Michelle Elman on the pressures we put on ourselves to 'succeed' 34 ADHD and finances Tips for keeping on top of money when you have ADHD 48 Too good to be true? How to spot 'wellbeing washing' Culture 53 Does grief affect the body? 7 Good news 11 12 1 10 2 11 The wellbeing wrap 9 3 60 When the heat gets to you 8 4. Dealing with summertime eco-anxiety 7 6 5 can be hard, here's how to approach it 50 Shake things up a bit 19</p><p>Relationships Food & health 12 Are you the default parent? 29 Grow your own sleep aids We explore how this role plays out in family dynamics 42 What to eat after bad sleep Boost your morning, with these recipes 25 5 myths about LTRs What do long-term relationships 63 Revisiting birth trauma really look like? What to do when faced with triggers 40 Teens and tech 66 Should you eat the rainbow? Our expert offers tips for managing Is this colourful tip true? technology as a family 59 Prompts for deeper chats 76 Divorce and separation Expert review How can we best explain it to kids? Every issue of Happiful is reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling Positive pointers topics sensitively. 14 How to lead a happy life People can sometimes get caught up in seeking 22 What's that sound? external validation from How to use birdsong for a brilliant others, their environment, wellbeing boosts or the world. The rise of social media has 74 Flip imposter syndrome contributed to this Learn to make it work for you significantly. Check out p14 to explore how you can 80 What can Finns teach us? challenge this by nurturing We travelled to Finland to discover contentment with the self, their secrets to happiness and finding inner peace. This process can take time, and will require focused attention. Gradually, you Try this at home will benefit from greater resilience and connection 17 Quick brain exercises with what truly makes you happy. 69 Picture puzzles RAV SEKHON BA MA MBACP (Accred) 71 Yoga for bloating Rav is a counsellor and psychotherapist with more than 10 years' 79 You have to read these experience.</p><p>Happiful Community Our team Meet the team of experts providing information, EDITORIAL guidance, and insight throughout this issue Kathryn Wheeler Guest Editor Rebecca Thair Editor-in-Chief Lauren Bromley-Bird Editorial Assistant KIERAN TOWNSEND AMY DRAKE Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nicholls, BA (Hons) Dip. NLP AC MHFA MBACP Samantha Redgrave-Hogg Senior Writers Kieran is a youth Amy is a person-centred Becky Banham Content & Marketing Officer development coach counsellor working with and mentor. children and adults. Michelle Elman, Kieran Townsend Columnists Ellen Lees Head of Content Keith Howitt Sub-Editor HANNAH VANESSA MAY BECKETT-PRATT Rav Sekhon Expert Advisor CNHC NTC BANT BSC FDA MBACP ART & DESIGN Vanessa is a nutritional Hannah is a relational therapist and wellbeing Amy-Jean Burns Head of Product & Marketing transactional coach. analysis counsellor. Charlotte Noel Creative Lead Rosan Magar Illustrator DONNA MORGAN COMMUNICATIONS FERDIA EARLE Alice Greedus PR Manager Snr MNCS Accred MRes PGDip BANT CNHC Emily Whitton Marketing Coordinator Donna is a humanistic Ferdia is a nutritional therapist mental health therapist with and functional medicine CONTRIBUTORS over 26 years of experience. practitioner. George Bothamley, Caroline Butterwick, Kerry Law, Suzanne Baum, Helen Barnett, Eleanor Noyce, Aimée Grant Cumberbatch, Stacey Carter, TOM BULPIT JENNIFER DEACON Ferdia Earle,Vanessa May, Lydia Smith, Jo Dunbar, Jenna Farmer DIPHE MBACP MBACP Tom is a person-centred Jennifer is a counsellor SPECIAL THANKS counsellor and with an interest in Hannah Beckett-Pratt, Amy Drake, Donna Morgan psychotherapist. eco-anxiety. Tom Bulpit, Jennifer Deacon, Donna Noble, Jennifer Warwick, Sonal Jenkins, Sedef Salim MANAGEMENT JENNIFER WARWICK SONAL JENKINS Aimi Maunders Director & Co-Founder PGDIP BACP BSc (Hons) Emma Hursey Director & Co-Founder Paul Maunders Director & Co-Founder Jennifer is a counsellor Sonal is a nutritional therapist, specialising in relationships health tutor, and director of SUBSCRIPTIONS and family issues. Synergy Nutrition. For new orders and back orders, visit or call Newsstand on +44 (0)1227 277 248 or email SEDEF SALIM subenquiries@newsstand.co.uk MSC MBACP PNCPS (ACC.) CONTACT Sedef is an integrative psychotherapist offering Happiful, c/o Memiah, Building B, counselling and hypnotherapy. Riverside Way, Camberley, Surrey, GU15 3YL Email us at hello@happiful.com HAPPIFUL FAMILY Join the Happiful Expert Panel Helping you find the help you need. Counselling Directory, Life Coach Directory, Hypnotherapy Directory, Nutritionist Resource, Are you a wellbeing expert with valuable Therapy Directory insight to share? Happiful professional membership includes opportunities to be WORLD featured in our award-winning magazine. LAND FSC Discover how to join by emailing us at MIX professionals@happiful.com Paper from responsible sources C004116 CBP006075</p><p>The Uplift INCLUSIVITY Store introduces quiet times for neurodiverse shoppers Shopping can feel very overwhelming for some neurodivergent people. But sustainable clothing brand Lucy & Yak may have a solution. Looking to celebrate neurodivergent customer experiences, Lucy & Yak's & Everymind' campaign is a collection of comfy, inclusive, and colourful clothes that feel good and resonate with the community - well as a promise to serve its as neurodivergent customers in a way that suits them. On the 17th of every month, involuntarily gets pulled away each store is updated to create The illustrations for the from the task at hand. Each has an inviting shopping atmosphere Everybody & Everymind clothing been designed to help customers for neurodivergent customers. collection also take notes from the feel seen and celebrated, shifting Quiet music, lower levels of neurodiverse experience, including focus towards the many positive lighting, and a limited number of the Temporarily out of service' aspects of being neurodivergent. shoppers, provide a more relaxing pattern, which draws inspiration In the words of Lucy & Yak: space. There are also optional from the feeling of autistic burnout, "This difference is something to stickers which flag to staff and 'Spaced out' which refers to celebrate!" members which customers would the common ADHD experience Writing Samantha Redgrave-Hogg prefer to shop in peace, rather of 'zoning out', where the brain happiful.com Issue 77 7 than be approached.</p><p>190</p><p>BOOKS Turning pages on new forms of escapism We all have those days when everything seems to go wrong, and we feel like we just can't catch a break. Sometimes all we want to do is escape from reality and forget about our worries, just for a little bit. While there are many ways to do this, a new study suggests that one of the best forms of escapism is through reading. The Publishers Association surveyed more than 2,200 adults in the UK, and found that a third of people (33%) believe that books offer the best form of escapism when you're having a bad day, coming second to watching TV (54%). Meanwhile, streaming services, looking at social media, listening to the radio, and going to the pub or cinema, proved to be less popular choices. It's hardly surprising that reading is favoured by many. When we immerse ourselves in a book, we are transported to different worlds and are introduced to new characters and ideas. We can lose ourselves in a story and forget about our own problems for a while, which can be incredibly soothing and restorative when we're feeling anxious or overwhelmed. Considering the survey, Dan Conway, CEO of the Publishers Association, said: "Books are a great way for us all to escape from our everyday routines, and if we are able to share that with our friends, families, and more widely, we could be making a huge difference to people's lives without even realising it." So, if you find yourself facing one of those days today, pick up a book (or a copy of Happiful!) and lose yourself in a world that awaits within the pages. Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird happiful.com Issue 77 9</p><p>HEALTH NHS retires outdated gynaecological term Language matters, particularly saw it, this unnecessary (and Speaking of the victory, when it comes to talking about nonsensical) sexualisation of a broadcaster and female health sensitive health topics. And piece of medical equipment was advocate Davina McCall said: "I yet, in some areas of health, part of a culture that discouraged am overjoyed to hear that the outdated ways of speaking about women from attending cervical brilliant Lady Garden Foundation procedures have prevailed. But, screenings - with recent NHS has been successful in its call to following campaigning from the figures showing that attendance rename the 'virgin' speculum. gynaecological cancer charity is actually at a 10-year low. I am continuously working to the Lady Garden Foundation, one But now, after successful ensure that women are able to such term has finally been put to campaigning, the NHS Supply receive gynaecological treatment rest, for good. Chain framework plans to with confidence, and the life- Until recently, patients attending amend product descriptions, saving act of going to a cervical their cervical screening may and will go on to work with any screening should never be have been offered a 'virgin' remaining suppliers to eradicate sexualised." speculum - a common name the use of the word 'virgin' in all For more information, head to for an extra small speculum. As literature, communication, and the Lady Garden Foundation websites by 2025. Writing Kathryn Wheeler EDUCATION The British Sign Language GCSE is coming The much anticipated British Sign signers in work and social Language (BSL) GCSE is verging settings. Being able to produce on reality, with the government these signs accurately and take initiating a consultation to part in conversations will benefit determine the content. Involving students for their entire lives - a people from the deaf and hearing crucial life skill valued by future communities, as well as schools employers, but also breaks down and employers, consultees will walls for deaf people using BSL. be asked what should be taught The Department for Education The move is partly driven by as part of the criteria, making aims for the GCSE to be taught 17-year-old Daniel Jillings's sure it's accepted in performance from September 2025; any five-year crusade. Motivated by tables. pupil can take the course, and injustice, he has persistently Introducing the GCSE is a no prior experience will be campaigned for deaf people to quantum leap in supporting required. Education Secretary achieve a GCSE in their native equality and inclusivity within Gillian Keegan believes the new language, which provides an education. Students will learn qualification will be a way to excellent reminder to pursue our how to communicate around "advance equality of opportunity passions in a way that serves the 1,000 signs, using them to and celebrate the history and rich greater good. h express meaning with other culture of British Sign Language". Writing Samantha Redgrave-Hogg 10 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>The wellbeing wrap JUST KEEP SWIMMING Inspired by the story of 14-year- To celebrate the Special Olympics World Games old Pride of Scotland nominee Isla in June, Toyota and the LadBible Group launched a Grist, former professional footballer, campaign to encourage everyone to support and Chester Zoo Graeme Souness, 70, recently swam recognise these great athletes, and inspire some celebrated the the English Channel as part of a future stars, too. It kicked off with an incredible birth of one of team, and raised an astonishing £1.2 mural of Special Olympics GB tennis player Lily the world's most million for charity Debra UK. The non- Mills in London, created by artist Will Redgrove, endangered primates, a profit seeks to support people like acknowledging and sharing her journey, from Sulawesi crested Isla who have recessive dystrophic being born with meningitis and developing learning macaque epidermolysis bullosa, a rare skin difficulties, to taking home two gold medals in the condition which causes painful 2019 Special Olympics! blistering (also known as 'butterfly skin'). Seeing the pain and daily GOING WILD Udderly brilliant challenges Isla faces, Mr Souness, DOWN UNDER Is there anything more lovely who is also the vice-president of For the first time in the charity, took on the challenge of than a story of a community swimming 21 miles (which took just 50 years, four female coming together? No, we're 21-year-old Max over 12 hours) to help raise vital funds platypuses have not milking it. Residents of St been reintroduced Michael's in St Albans rallied Park has set a to support Isla and others like her. new world record to Australia's oldest together to raise more than by completing national park, just south £15,000 as a retirement gift a Rubik's Cube Sweet dreams of Sydney, following to their favourite milkman, in just 3.13 Naptime conservation efforts. after 47 years doing his seconds! might be more rounds. 'Mick the Milk', AKA common for babies, but The 'bank of mum and new research suggests we dad' might be more Mick Tutton, has been serving familiar, but apparently the community since 1976, should all be catching a few more daytime Zzs. A study parents are also regularly not only by delivering milk, but running a taxi service, too. plenty of smiles, and keeping in the journal Sleep Health A survey commissioned an eye out for everyone, too! Primary school revealed that having brief, by found When his milk truck broke children in regular, naps could actually England are the that, on average, parents down 'beyond repair', the support your brain health by most literate in spend 52 hours a month 65-year-old decided to call it a Europe, and rank helping to prevent it from chauffeuring their kids day. With a year until his state 4th best in the shrinking (associated with around, adding up to pension comes through, locals world, according neurogenerative diseases), 3,084 miles a year. In organised a fundraising night to an international equivalent to saving up to fact, one in three believe to show their appreciation. study seven years of brain ageing. they use the car to drive Seems like the perfect excuse their kids around for a little extra shut-eye. Just more than for 'WHAT A SAD something to sleep on. themselves! LITTLE LIFE JANE' Questioning if you unplugged the iron? Or whether you It seems Channel 4's Come Dine paid that bill? If you're prone to anxiety, you might With Me certainly got something Joe Wicks has have noticed a pattern of forgetfulness, too. Research right, as social interaction expert teamed up with from Imperial College London explored the impact of Professor Robin Dunbar revealed the the NHS to various personality traits on memories, and found that perfect number of dinner guests should create a free those who are most anxious often tend to also be the always fall into multiples of four. workout video specifically for most forgetful. It could be a cycle that's hard to break Apparently, four is the maximum people with free from, but the study did find that 'brain stimulating number to maintain a successful Parkinson's cultural and physical activities' could aid memory in the conversation, ensuring that disease long-run, don't worry, it's not the be all and end all. everyone has the chance to be included.</p><p>What is default parent syndrome? It's a pattern that may feel familiar in your own family, and the one you were raised in. So, is it time to break the cycle? Writing Hannah Beckett-Pratt Illustrating Rosan Magar F rom being the one who values or personality traits, and How does it impact us? knows the whole family's which partner carried the child - Being the default parent can schedules, to being the first overall, various research, including create a sense of pressure, point of call when anything goes a 2021 study published in the injustice, and resentment that wrong, default parenting refers Journal of GLBT Family Studies, has often goes unaddressed until the to when one parent takes on a shown that same-sex couples divide default parent is at breaking point. greater share of childcare and domestic labour and childcare This is likely because the dynamic related domestic responsibilities. more equally than different-sex has usually been established for The 'syndrome' part refers to couples, prompting questions a logical reason (for example, it the systemic nature of default about default parent syndrome's makes financial sense) goes parenting - meaning, it not only relationship to heteronormative unchallenged. The default parent affects the default parent, but gender stereotyping. often experiences real difficulties everyone in the family plays a We build models of relationships in prioritising themselves, or role that ensures all members in our minds from birth, and finding time for their own rest, continue to operate within this these are underpinned by neural interests, and other relationships dynamic. pathways. Parenting is no different, - leaving them feeling trapped In the majority of cultures, the unless there has been a and depleted. The other parent default parent is often the mother. neurological change, we are likely might feel helpless in response, The female role in reproduction to parent in a similar way to how or sad that their relationship with - including pregnancy, birth, we were parented ourselves. As our their child is not as close as their and feeding - has meant that parents lived in a society where partner's. But there are things you women are heavily involved in women had fewer opportunities can do to make a change. early childcare. Historically, this than they do today, the norm has freed up men to continue to continues. Although many fathers Tips for navigating default work and earn money, creating are more involved in childcare or parent dynamics the patriarchal structure that still domestic roles than ever before, informs our society today. And this developmental and social Reflect with your partner on how although this dynamic can be history explains why it is usually you were parented, and what found in same-sex couples - and women, or the partner who earns you'd like to do differently may be the result of anything from the least income, who becomes the Both partners may hold differences in earnings, status, default parent. unconscious biases toward 12 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>relationships gendered views of parenting Focus on the end goal that are based on what you Changing long-term habits within experienced in your own a family, with lots of different childhood. For example, that relational dynamics, does not the female partner is happen quickly. Remaining the default parent. List all the focused on a goal of long-term other options, even those that change is important to regulate are not feasible right now. This the discomfort and frustration Hannah Beckett-Pratt is a relational will help you get away from that arises when the status quo is transactional analysis counsellor. challenged. Remember, although Contact her via her profile on the binary thinking. Then, decide Counselling Directory. which of the options might work, it might feel like your partner and how you can implement could change this overnight by them together. In the previous taking on more, this dynamic has feel disappointing, no matter example, the male partner might become entrenched for a reason: how much you want equality. want to connect emotionally it probably worked for all of you, Remember, it's a great thing with his child, but not know how. at one stage. Celebrate what for your child to have two fully The default parent can help by might seem like small wins, such active parents, and it's OK to encouraging the child to seek as your child approaching your have your own life and interests, comfort from their father, too, partner for something they would too. Sharing responsibility for helping the child learn that they once have come to you for. parenting does not mean that have other sources of support, your child will love you any less. and dissolving any unconscious It can create a When it comes to default parent beliefs that only their mother can syndrome, family members are comfort them. sense of pressure, likely to internalise these norms, injustice, and and changing the dynamic Allow your partner to will feel unfamiliar, and there is parent differently resentment likely to be resistance. But, if both The relationship between each that often goes partners commit to change, it is of you and your children is possible. With communication dynamic and changing, and unaddressed and commitment, a more equal will continue to be throughout until they are at family life is within reach. your child's adolescence and adulthood. Your partner might breaking point parent or approach related tasks and activities differently from Accept losses as the you. This is OK, because it likely dynamic changes reflects their unique relationship While you may want with your children. Breaking the your partner to take on entrenched patterns of default more responsibility, parenting requires a change this does not from the familiar norm, you come without might find yourself judging your loss. When your partner's different methods. child approaches Discuss this without trying to your partner for change them, that you can something they better tolerate their different would once seek parenting styles. you out for, this can</p><p>ARISTOTLE DO? In the our words search for happiness today, perhaps we just of one of the ancient world's greatest philosophers need to heed Writing / George Bothamley 14 / Issue 77 / happiful.com</p><p>positive pointers he question of how to live happiness becomes more and T see my friends' eyes glazing a happy life is one of the more intangible; akin to looking over! As if his name alone most fundamental in all of for the metaphorical pot of gold represents a 'high-brow' side to philosophy. at the end of the rainbow, or, philosophy that is only ever long- On some level, it shapes pretty at worst, leaving us wondering winded and unrelatable. much every decision we make whether happiness exists at all. But, rest assured, my purpose in this life - from the career we But fortunately, this is where here is not to argue his defence, pursue, to where we would like to philosophy can help us. or stray into the academic sides live and any ambitions we would Though the emotion of of his ideas. like to achieve. 'being happy' is unique to each Rather, I'm looking for And, the same can be said for individual, there are definitely something a lot simpler. His much simpler decisions, too. For ways in which we can learn to insights about how we can find example, how we spend our spare seek happiness more consciously. happiness. time, or what we choose to eat for And perhaps the most beautiful And, in his book The dinner, or even why you might insight into how we can do Nicomachean Ethics, Aristotle sets be reading this article right now! this comes from the work of out a wonderful little model for Essentially, it all comes back to one of history's most famous how we tend to seek happiness in one core decision: "Will doing this philosophers. three key ways: particular thing make me happier or unhappier?" Through pleasure: by sensory But while seeking happiness Though the emotion experiences, foods, listening to sounds relatively simple in theory, of being music, thrill-seeking, adventures, the reality can actually be much and on. more confusing. Because what is unique to each if the thing that seems to make individual, there are Through public acclaim: you happy now, eventually starts which includes any ambition of to make you unhappy? Or what definitely ways in achieving reputation/fame in our about the times when happiness which we can learn to career, but, more often, deals is here one moment and then, for with the much more common no real reason, starts to fade - like seek happiness more habit of seeking approval from when you buy a new jacket which brings such joy on the first wear, consciously friends, family, or colleagues, etc. but within a few months just gets I'm sure most of you reading this Through contemplation: lost in the back of your wardrobe? will be familiar with his name: or, in other words, finding It happens a lot, doesn't it? Aristotle, the great polymath of happiness internally, rather than And, from the opposite angle, ancient Greece and, later in life, externally. too. What about all the times the teacher to none other than when, in order to pursue Alexander the Great. Now of course, given what we happiness further down the line, His ideas have shaped Western have spoken about already, we we may have to do something society for almost 2,500 years. can already see that there will which makes us unhappy in Yet, ironically, he is somewhat always be problems with those the short term - like dealing neglected these days, due in part first two methods. with a difficult task at work, to his reputation for being a bit of Through pleasure and sensory or struggling through a tiring a bore. experience, we tend to find workout at the gym? In fact, if I ever happen momentary enjoyment, but When all of this comes into to mention Aristotle in never really the lasting feeling the equation, too, it seems like conversation, I can immediately that we seek. happiful.com Issue 77 15</p><p>There is an internal kind - coming in the form of dreams, imagination, reminiscing, or just the simple joy of sitting and being present in the moment We might choose to create art, or make music, simply for the joy of creating, rather than the aim of being admired for what we have created. Or we might exercise to appreciate movement, rather than to attain a certain ideal image Or we might even approach something like cleaning the house as a contemplative activity, and thus genuinely enjoy the achievement of making our environment feel that little bit fresher. In short, there are endless possibilities. And this is the beauty of what is being suggested here. Because by encouraging contemplation, Aristotle is not advocating for asceticism or denial of the senses. As he explains elsewhere, a truly happy life should ideally And through seeking the the simple joy of sitting and being include being fulfilled in as many approval of others, we may present in the moment - which aspects as we can - health, wealth, become prone to becoming a bit may not be quite as thrilling as the knowledge, relationships, career of a people-pleaser. Or, worse, we others, but which is certainly a lot achievement, and on. start to lose sight of our own self, more dependable! But through it all - if we simply because we are fixated Contemplative happiness can approach our life from a on how others are perceiving us. be found in a tangible activity contemplative perspective first, Whereas, with the final like meditation, where the whole rather than inaction only - we will method - seeking purpose is essentially to centre slowly learn that we can be happy happiness - the result is entirely the mind, and find peace in with or without these external different. being present. But that is only influences. Here, we are no longer one option. Because much like And, as a result of this dependent on externals to provide with the mindfulness practices realisation, any happiness we gain for us. Rather, we learn that there mentioned in a lot of Eastern becomes much more secure. Like is an internal kind of happiness philosophy, absolutely anything bathing in a beautiful calm ocean, - coming in the form of dreams, can be transformed into a rather than being tossed around imagination, reminiscing, or just contemplative process. constantly by the waves. h 16 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>Train that brain Brain exercises can improve our focus and memory, but they can also be great distraction tools for moments of heightened anxiety. Give these a go... Write down as many European capital Write down the lyrics cities as you can. to your favourite song. Draw a map of the area around your In your home. head, count backwards from 100. Going from north to south, name as many UK counties as you can. Brush your teeth with your non-dominant hand. Read out loud. Why not start with your favourite articles in this issue?</p><p>"Life is a book and there are a thousand pages I have not yet read CASSANDRA CLARE, CLOCKWORK PRINCESS' Photograph Anthony Tran</p><p>a safe place IT'S A GOOD TIME TO START WORRYING Scheduling a set period every day to confront your anxious thoughts could help you to manage them. Ready to give it a go? Writing Caroline Butterwick many, I struggle such as getting up and dressed. use the time to manage worries L with anxious thoughts If we do find ourselves in a rather than dwell on them. throughout the day, cycle of worry, it can feel harder The space is for identifying if leaving me exhausted and to concentrate, making work there's anything you can do to stressed. But could scheduling challenging, and socialising practically solve the worry, such some daily time to worry help? hard." Everything from our diet to as an issue with work, and then It might sound counter-intuitive our sleep can be affected. finding steps to implement. to dedicate time to worries, "If it's out of your control, but scheduling a set period for WHAT EXACTLY IS A the time is used to practise worrying can help stop your 'WORRY TIME'? accepting that you can't control anxieties from seeping into the Scheduling a worry time is a the outcome, and letting go of rest of your day, making them technique sometimes taught in the thought," says Amy. "It can more manageable. cognitive behavioural therapy be useful in helping to limit (CBT). "The aim is to help the thought cycle during the THE IMPACT OF individuals stop the cycle of day, and help us to feel more WORRYING worry from perpetuating by equipped at managing future Worrying throughout the day allowing one specific time to worries." can have a negative impact. focus on challenging thoughts," Counsellor Amy Drake explains: Amy says. SETTING A WORRY TIME "Depending on the severity of "The idea is that you note a It's a technique I've been aware the anxiety, it can be present as designated time during the day of for a while, and as a chronic soon as we wake, which makes that you will allow yourself to worrier, I'm interested to give it it harder to do everyday tasks worry. You can then choose to a try. happiful.com Issue 77 19</p><p>IF WE DO FIND OURSELVES IN A CYCLE OF WORRY, IT CAN FEEL HARDER TO CONCENTRATE, MAKING WORK CHALLENGING, AND SOCIALISING HARD 11 12 1 10 2 9 4. .7 6 5</p><p>a safe place Amy advises a daily worry the end of the half-hour, I have a time is tailored to your personal plan for the worries I have some Amy is a person-centred counsellor working with children and adults. schedule. To start out, she control over. Visit the Counselling Directory recommends reserving more And now for the tricky bit: to find out more. time, such as an hour, and then ending the worry time. decreasing this down as you get "This can be a challenging part more practised at the skill. of worry time - stopping!" Amy place, that you know you An environment where you feel reassures me. "Firstly, it's useful will remember to tackle them," safe is important, where it's quiet to create an actionable plan on advises Amy. and uninterrupted. Try not to how worry time will work for "In the moments your thoughts use your bed, as this can mean it you, and this includes a plan start to wander, try some simple becomes associated with stress, for what to do when worry time mindfulness tools to bring you which can affect your sleep. has ended. Calling or meeting a back to the present Amy adds that it takes practice, friend afterwards, going to cook focus on all the blue things in I'm not expecting it to be a a new recipe, or watching a TV the room for example, call an quick fix. show that you know takes your uplifting friend, or if you are attention, are all useful when working, set yourself a deadline GIVING IT A GO stopping worry time." to focus on and complete a task. I think about my standard day, I decide that after worry time, I Find something that you know and how I could fit in a worry will chat to my husband, who has can take your focus back to the time. I decide on a half hour at just finished work. This is usually here and now." around 4.30pm, when I'm usually how I spend this part of the day, If I notice a worry keeps starting to wind down from it feels like a natural way to cropping up, I note it down ready work, but am not in my evening transition out of worry time and to revisit later. I tell myself: "You relaxation mode yet. into the evening. It helps me stop don't need to think about this I sit at the dining table with fixating on the worries I haven't now." As I do this, I realise that it a notebook and pen, and jot been able to solve, and remember becomes easier to park that worry. down a few things that have that I have time tomorrow to deal I've not dismissed it, or tried to been bothering me. I then do as with the ones I can. bury it, but I've simply said I'll Amy suggests, and try to think come back to it when I'm ready. of solutions for these. Some of CREATING A HABIT It takes time to get used to this them, I realise, do have answers. Over the next week, I schedule technique - I'm still getting the The messy kitchen counter I was worry time each day. hang of it. But far, I've noticed fretting about? I can plan to tidy it Of course, I still worry outside I dwell on things less in the day, this weekend. That piece of work of this. "It can be useful to write and feel better able to deal with I'm struggling with? There is worries down when they come, them. So, I guess, that's one less someone I can ask for advice. By and put them all in the same thing to worry about. happiful.com Issue 77 21</p><p>How to use birdsong to reduce stress and boost mood From listening to evocative COOS, to realigning our days with nature's rhythms, birdsong may have a deeper impact on our happiness than we first thought Writing Kerry Law Illustrating Rosan Magar ew research from the University of Surrey, who habitats, are perfect locations to N the University of led a study into the impact of find birds. "In a well-visited park, Surrey has confirmed birdsong on mental wellbeing. the odds are the birds are quite that listening to "Since nature is the environment used to people wandering past, birdsong can reduce anxiety, in which humans evolved, we are will likely be more relaxed if you boost feelings of wellbeing, inclined to relax and feel better in stop to take a look. Birds, especially and even lift depression. Most pleasant, non-threatening natural the smaller ones, like to have of us soundtrack our days with settings that offer us resources plenty of cover, areas of scrub playlists, podcasts, or ambient that help our survival." and woodland are ideal." urban noise. But could happiness So, how can we maximise the But set your alarm for maximum be found by tuning-in to nature's wellbeing benefits of birdsong exposure. "There's an increase in free concert? day-to-day? song in the evening, but the dawn From the warbling of a chorus is the real treat. It typically nightingale to the majesty of the Go where the birds are starts an hour before sunrise, dawn chorus, melodic birdsong A recent study led by King's peaking half an hour before, really does make our hearts sing College London found everyday and getting quieter half an hour - but why? It may be down to encounters with birds in natural afterwards," she adds. evolution. spaces boosted mood and helped "Birdsong might indicate a alleviate depression. Recorded birdsong natural environment without Jo Humphreys, nature and is also effective predators," explains Dr wellbeing officer for Lancashire Researchers in California discovered Eleanor Ratcliffe, lecturer in Wildlife Trust, highlights how that listening to just seven to environmental psychology at urban gardens, nature reserves, 10 minutes of birdsong, even if and parks with a variety of recorded, boosted wellbeing.</p><p>positive pointers This is great news for those Another associated the sound of your unable to access natural spaces wood pigeons with the summers own readily. Simply listening to an of her childhood, prompting birdsong app on your commute, or while feelings of joy. mix (including suitably sitting at your desk, can help you But not all birds are perceived nocturnal owl de-stress during the working day. positively. The study found that sounds) and set a Download the RSPB's Birdsong corvids (birds such as crows and timer it switches FM app, or stream online radio gulls) can be stressful, irritating, off once you've nodded off. If station Birdsong.fm, for a quick and even scary for some. your bedroom is a phone-free blast of birds whenever and Experiment with different zone, use the handheld Sensate wherever you are. avian sounds to see if they evoke device for 20 minutes of birdsong specific memories - perhaps a and calming vibrations before Use birdsong in meditation skylark sings on your favourite bedtime. A study commissioned by walking route, or maybe seagulls the National Trust found that aren't irritating at all because What's that bird? listening to birdsong, along with they remind you of happy Jo Humphreys identifies the UK's other woodland sounds such as childhood trips to the beach. most common songbirds: a trickling stream and crunching leaves, was 30% more effective at Wake up with the dawn Blackbird: An early riser but heard increasing feelings of relaxation chorus, fall asleep to the long into the evening, its song is than a voiced meditation app. dusk chorus flutey and mellow, with short non- Swap your go-to meditation aid Tap into the ancient prompts for repeated phrases. for a birdsong app, and let the waking and sleeping and help sounds help you visualise being reset your natural circadian Robin: A fluid, silvery song described in a beautiful woodland or sunny rhythms. Some birdsong apps as melancholic in the winter, but garden surrounded by birdlife. allow you to schedule the dawn more powerful and upbeat through Practise for a week, and note any chorus as an alarm you wake spring and summer. difference in your mood. up as nature intended. It can also work at the end of Wood pigeon: A repetitive COO to Find your favourite birds the day. The lesser known 'dusk the rhythm of "my tooooe hurts, Dr Ratcliffe's study found that chorus', though not as intense Bet-ty". our response to a particular bird as its dawn equivalent, has a sound may depend on personal relaxing effect that could help Wren: Remarkably loud for one of associations. One participant you drift off naturally. On the our smallest birds, its song is a fast- found clucking chickens to be Atmosphere app, you can create paced assortment of notes with a particularly comforting because short machine gun-like trill towards it reminded her of being in the the end. garden feeding her own hens.</p><p>"Adapt what is useful, reject what is useless, and add what is specifically your own BRUCE LEE Photograph Kateryna Hliznitsova</p><p>relationships myths about long-term relationships, debunked When it comes to long-term relationships, we're faced with all sorts of unrealistic expectations. So, what's the reality? Writing Suzanne Baum S destructive, My husband and I have had 1. Having different beliefs will loving, hurtful, joyous, many small cracks along the ruin your relationship intimate. Long-term way, but because we have such This couldn't be further from the relationships can be the best a strong foundation of love, we truth. In fact, having different thing that ever happened to you, have managed to ride them out. beliefs can open up conversations, or the worst - and finding a life And that is the most important get you to appreciate your other partner is no mean feat. part; knowing how to work half more, and learn about In the chaotic world we live in, through problems that arise. differences of opinion. where online chats, dating apps, Conflict in relationships is totally Of course, working together as matchmaking, and blind dates normal, and misconceptions can a team - when it comes to things are part of the norm, it can still make people feel like failures like finances, health, family, and prove a minefield to find the when they encounter normal work - is important, but that's not perfect one. But, when you do setbacks. to say you can't come at it with happen upon the love of your There are some myths when it a different mindset from one life, the path to happiness often comes to long-term relationships another. still has its ups and downs. that need to be debunked. In my relationship, both my I'm speaking from experience, I Having had different opinions husband and I have had a have been happily married for 25 from my husband, queried our difference of opinion on many years in December. I know how sex life, numerous arguments, things - from choosing a state very lucky I am to have found, and consulted relationship school over a private one to what and kept, the one. Yet I am under advice, I'm happy to share that area to set up home in. If we no illusion that it hasn't taken realising all of the following always had the same beliefs, life work and effort from both sides has made us stronger. So, here would be boring. of the relationship to have such a are five myths about long-term By bouncing ideas off each solid one. relationships, debunked. other and not always having >>> happiful.com Issue 77 25</p><p>the same sense of reason, it has proven a positive experience for us to be able to listen, compromise, and fight out important issues. 2. Sex is the most important thing Of course, a relationship can thrive on sex. But when your love life stops being as bang-on as it once was in the early days of dating, that's not to say the spark has gone. In fact, the most wonderful thing I have learnt about marriage is that being physically close - by that, I mean holding hands, laughing together, and cuddling - is just as important to me. The thing with a long-term relationship is that sex is not the be-all and end-all. It can be totally dependent on the circumstances. There is no exact amount of sex that a married couple should have in order to qualify as having a 'healthy sex life'. What constitutes the right amount of sex depends entirely on the couple. 3. Having arguments is a red flag Fights between two people can be very upsetting, but the most important thing here is not the 26 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>relationships arguments you have, but how you argument." I totally disagree! Of Yes, it binds you together resolve them. Couples who never course you can go to bed angry. with your partner forever, but fight could be repressing their In my case, I always need some it can really add a strain to a anger and resentment, which can time to cool down, and can relationship, don't jump lead to bigger problems down often have a better perspective into having a baby together the road. in the morning. unless it is something you are ready for. 4. Having a family will 66 cement your relationship 5. Lasting relationships The most When it comes to having don't require work, they children with your partner, it are effortless important thing can throw all sorts of emotions Too often, couples make the out of the pram. mistake of believing that here is not the Of course, it can be the most a relationship will come arguments you magical and loving thing to naturally if they are meant bring a baby into the world, to be together. But the have, but how you yet it is no surprise that many truth is that all long-lasting resolve them studies have shown that having relationships require work. a baby can bring lots of stress By this, I am not talking to a marriage, and even push about lavishing your loved one The key is to learn how to couples apart. with gifts, but continuous acts argue constructively. This Having a child means of kindness are a must. Just means being respectful of each less time to focus on your like you treat a best friend, other, and trying to resolve relationship with your partner, your partner needs to be made the issue instead of just going unless you have laid the to feel special - whether that on the attack. By managing foundations down before is complimenting them on to do this, it can actually you have a baby, it's almost how they look, organising date strengthen your relationship - certainly going to be a very nights, or cooking them their and although most people who challenging time. favourite meal. argue want to 'win' the battle, With three of our own, I We are creatures of habit and trying to find a solution that look back at the early years of comfort. You've got to get out works well for both sides is parenthood - broken sleep, of your comfort zone and work always the best outcome. raging hormones, and endless to make your relationship What I must add is how changing of nappies - as thrive. Then, you'll be on the frustrated I get when people perhaps the hardest part of our right track to have a successful say "Don't go to sleep on an relationship. long-term relationship. happiful.com Issue 77 27</p><p>5 things to ask yourself before 'rage applying' for jobs Take a breath and consider these questions Writing Samantha Redgrave-Hogg e all have bad Is there a pattern? W days at work, How you feel about your but when does a working environment rough patch spin may be a reflection of What are my core values? out of control? Before you know it, unresolved personal issues, such When coming to a fork in the you're rattling off job applications as dealing with criticism, a fear path, it's worth working out our for any open position, even if of saying no, or perfectionism. core values. Prioritising our values they're not your skill set. You may Sometimes people leave jobs for in life gives us insight into why have seen 'quiet quitting', but the same old reasons, only to find something isn't working well, now we have a new workplace that inner conflict was adding and helps us make decisions in buzzword: applying'. So, to the mix. Self-development a centred way. When we live in when is it OK to think enough's may help you resolve the roots of alignment with our values, life enough, and when do we need to the reaction, and avoid an early seems to flow. So what do you consider the consequences? Let's resignation. hold dear to your heart? get reflecting Rocky road or end What am I good at? What am angry about? of the road? A rage rampage of applying for Ask yourself: "What's really If you've had a few tricky days, a new job may be due to feeling making me feel this way?" Take such as a disagreement or out of control. If you're applying some time to think, breathe unflattering feedback, pushing for jobs you're not qualified for, deeply, and simply sit with the panic button out of revenge you may get knockbacks or no the emotion. If you're feeling can feel like an easy escape, response at all. This can weigh undervalued, underpaid, or but it might be something you down on your confidence and end overlooked, it's easy to understand regret in the long run. If there up rubbing salt into the wound. why you're getting frustrated. are long-standing issues making If you'd like a new direction, take Those feelings are valid, but you feel dissatisfied at work, it some time putting together your rage applying is coming from could be time to go job hunting. CV, and congratulate yourself a reactive place, and may only But these problems might resolve on your past achievements and end up adding fuel to the fire. themselves by speaking to your unique skill set. It's great to take Getting to know the feeling with employer about the changes you'd back control, but in a positive and compassion is a good first step. like to see at work. directional way. 28 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>food & health Grow your own sleep aids Discover the houseplants that can have a powerful effect on your home environment, and create the perfect atmosphere for sleep Writing Helen Barnett Artwork Charlotte Noel P lants: we eat them, we "Look for plants with air air-purifying qualities, and has drink them, but do you purifying qualities," Thomas been shown to reduce anxiety, ever think about how we Hoegh Reisenhus, a sleep lower heart rate, and promote breathe them, too? specialist at mattress company relaxation. It seems obvious that beautiful Tempur, says. "These include In a study published in the plants create a tranquil the visually striking snake Journal of Alternative and atmosphere, perfect for winding plant, perfect for larger Complementary Medicine, down before bed. But now there's bedrooms, the easy-to-care-for participants who inhaled increasing discussion around spider plant or, if you're tight lavender essential oil before how greenery can detox our air, on space, opt for a pint-sized bedtime reported improved sleep as well as our minds, when kept money plant." quality, and felt more refreshed in the confines of our homes, No matter what kind of in the morning. making it easier to sleep. gardener you are, there is a Lavender needs at least three Most plants only release oxygen soothing shrub for everyone - hours of direct sunlight a day and during the day, but some pump whether you could give Monty dousing in water, but only when it out at night too, meaning Don a run for his money or the soil has become slightly dry. cleaner air and easier breathing. have a tendency to, shall we say, This promotes a deeper sleep, have a fleeting relationship with Jasmine and helps you drift off faster, new vegetation. Here are a few The scent of jasmine was found too. Just what you need after a to get you started: to improve sleep efficiency and hard day. In fact, a 2015 study reduced sleep movement in a of university students found Lavender study by Wheeling University, in fresher bedroom air, with lower This purple perennial has a West Virginia. And it was shown CO2 levels, lowered sleepiness gorgeous soothing scent, to have sedative effects on the the next day and improved their it's no wonder lavender is used central nervous system in a concentration levels. for essential oils and relaxing study published in the Journal of So, what should you look out spa treatments. Normally Biological Chemistry. for when creating your blooming seen outdoors, lavender can German researchers found the boudoir? also be brought inside, has scent 'vertacetal-coeur' - which >>> happiful.com Issue 77 29</p><p>Being close to nature is known to reduce stress, and a walk in the woods can often bring clarity in difficult times 30 Issue 77 | happiful.com</p><p>food & health derives from the Gardenia plant formaldehyde and benzene, For those inexperienced in family that includes Cape jasmine from our bedrooms, creating gardening, the spider plant only - successfully enhanced GABA the perfect environment for an needs occasional watering and activity. GABA is a chemical that easy-breathing, sound night's doesn't like direct sunlight. helps to regulate anxiety, stress, sleep. And the best thing? This and fear by blocking signals to is one hardy plant, needing English ivy your brain. little watering. While it likes For those with respiratory issues, "This can help you fall asleep the sunshine, it can live well in ivy could be a gamechanger. faster and wake up feeling more darker corners, too. It sucks up airborne mould, refreshed," Carlie Gasia, certified purifying the air and removing sleep science coach at Sleepopolis Aloe vera toxins that could trouble those says. "The sweet scent of jasmine Aloe vera loves to pump out with asthma or other breathing has a calming effect on the body, oxygen through the night and problems. and can help reduce anxiety and take in your carbon dioxide English ivy looks beautiful improve sleep quality." while you sleep, making it trailing down from shelves If you can't find a plant, perfect for the bedroom. or cupboards. And the more drinking jasmine tea, or using "It can purify the air, improve leaves, the more mould jasmine oil, can also help soothe air quality, and remove it can remove, as well as the mind. harmful pollutants such as benzene, trichloroethylene, Although jasmine is usually formaldehyde, benzene, and formaldehyde, which can grown outside, you can bring and carbon monoxide," says aggravate eyes, nose, throat, and its calming fragrance indoors Sleepopolis' Carlie. "Better air the skin. with careful supervision. Place quality can lead to better sleep, It needs damp leaves at all your plant where it can get six or especially for people who suffer times, which could mean regular more hours of sunlight a day - from allergies or asthma." spritzing with water. However, its bright but indirect light is ideal. The succulent hardly needs soil doesn't need much watering. Water regularly, but don't let any water, just a drop every few But do watch out as English ivy the soil get soggy. To maintain weeks in summer, and less in leaves are toxic to animals, humidity, place the aerated plant winter. Position it somewhere avoid this one if you have pets. pot on a tray with some gravel or with indirect light and a steady stones. Keep the bottom of the temperature. It'll only outgrow These sleep aids could tray watered, but don't let the its pot every two or three years. transform your rest, but being plant sit in the water itself (and close to nature is also known to remember to water the soil as Spider plant reduce stress, and a walk in the usual)! It actually doesn't like the Spider plants are another woods can often bring clarity temperature too hot - thriving detox marvel, removing in difficult times. Even a tiny between 15°C and 23°C. formaldehyde, benzene, and patch of greenery in a space to carbon monoxide from the call your own can improve levels Snake plant air. They've even been said to of the stress hormone cortisol - While most plants only release reduce headaches, fatigue, and researchers at the University of oxygen during the day, the colds due to their clarifying Sheffield actually found adding snake plant emanates oxygen properties. A study by Kansas a few shrubs to urban front at night, helping purify the air State University actually found gardens more than doubled the while you catch your Zzzs. Nasa hospital patients with the number of people with healthy research has even shown the spindly-leaved plant required levels. So embrace your green humble snake plant can remove less pain relief and had less fingers. It could do more for you toxins and irritants, such as anxiety or depression. than just help you nod off. happiful.com Issue 77 31</p><p>The perfectionist trap Beneath the surface of striving for perfection, could lie insecurity, procrastination, and self-doubt. But it's time to stop the cycle. Columnist Michelle Elman shares the underlying causes behind perfectionist behaviour, and what you can do to break free from it Writing Michelle Elman n my eyes, being a perfectionist a sentence about how you might be the void where their self-esteem doesn't exist. It is a fancy way of OK submitting mediocre work, but should be. Remember it's about disguising the truth: the fear of they are not. the fear of rejection, failure, and judgement and rejection. This behaviour and reaction stem judgement. The problem is, people from the ego. The ego's job is to The second way perfectionism is have started identifying with protect your unconscious, the used is to never get anything done. perfectionism, and once you turn ego takes a superior approach in This is when being a perfectionist it into an identity-level belief, then order to not reveal the insecurity results in immobility. Work never it is harder to unlearn. In reality, it lying beneath it. Again, because gets submitted, because it is too isn't an identity, it is a habit. It is a perfectionism can be about fear, overwhelming to begin with. It behaviour we have repeated that they may project their fear and is still motivated by the fear of has become our norm, and is used insecurity on you to feel superior. rejection, but how it presents as an excuse to hide behind how They see it as them simply having itself in behaviour is 'Why bother scary putting yourself out there can higher standards than you, but it's trying if I am going to be rejected' be. When you use it at an identity- not about that. They might act like or, even worse, 'If I reject myself level, it becomes a self-fulfilling they are better than you, but that's then others can't reject me.' It's the prophecy. not why they are doing it. They illusion that if they wait until they Perfectionism can be used in are doing it because of a need to are ready, then the piece of work a few ways. The first is using be in control. They are unable to will be perfect, but since humans perfectionism to put people down, trust that your work is satisfactory, are not perfect, and you could making you feel you are better because the grade means much always improve on something, it than others. Usually, you would more to them than it does to you. results in being at a standstill. have experienced a person like Their self-worth depends on that I know an author who missed this at school. The one who slows mark being good, because their her deadline five times, because down the group project, who will self-worth is not internal. They do her work wasn't 'perfect'. We got moan you aren't doing enough, not believe they are good enough our first book deals at the same and then take over, usually redoing in themselves, and therefore if time, and I have three published everything you have done because they perform well enough, or do books to my name, and one on the 'I'm a perfectionist' - usually with enough for others, then that will fill way, and she still hasn't got her 32 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>- @MICHELLELELMAN They do not believe they are good enough in themselves, and therefore if they perform well enough or do enough for others, then that will fill the void where their self-esteem should be well, you will learn, but at least you tried. At least you didn't miss out on the opportunity. Finally, the best advice I have to put an end to perfectionism is to get a hobby you are rubbish at... and make no attempt at improving. Allow yourself to first book out. One of the ways I Similarly, when I was training enjoy something for the fun of am able to hit submit is to remind to be a life coach, I had got a it, let yourself enjoy time that myself that 95% of the time is full client roster by the time a is not productive or improving wasted on perfecting the last 5%. colleague had launched their towards a goal, and allow You can be twiddling on small website. In that same time, I had yourself to be seen, even when details forever, but ultimately, redone my website five times, you look silly or you aren't at they don't make a big difference. because as I began to grow a client your best. You will have a whole You will always grow and evolve. list, I started being able to see lot of fun doing it! h I see each book as a time capsule what specialities I wanted to focus of what my writing was like at the on, but I learned that by getting time. Of course, over time I will started. I got started, and learned improve, but you only improve on the go, whereas they let an by doing. My fourth book should imperfect website stall them. This be better than my first, but the demonstrates that one of the key reason people don't hit send is mindsets to nip perfectionism in because it means you will be seen, the bud is to remember that no which is scary - especially if you one ever feels ready. The concept Michelle Elman is an author, don't like yourself, or feel good of doesn't exist. Say yes, and TEDx speaker, and five-board enough as you are! accredited life coach. Follow her figure it out later. If it doesn't go on Instagram @michellelelman happiful.com Issue 77 33</p><p>How to take care of your financial health when you have ADHD Living with ADHD and struggling with your finances? You're not alone Writing Eleanor Noyce Illustrating Rosan Magar hen I was finally In 2022, YouGov research W "Acknowledging the shame diagnosed with commissioned by Monzo Bank is the first step," says ADHD attention deficit found that ADHD costs the accountant and money coach hyperactivity average person approximately Tina Mathams. "And knowing disorder (ADHD) at 23 years old, £1,600 per year - something it's OK and it can be worked on. I breathed a huge sigh of relief. which has been termed the This might be to learn what your Legally, I'd only been an adult Tax'. That considered, money story is, or explore why for five years, but the damage I'd there's little wonder I struggled - you might feel shame around already managed to inflict on my and I still do. your money. Getting to the cause finances was palpable. So, how can you take care of is going to go a long way into I'd let impulse spending wreak your financial health when you helping overcome the shame." havoc as I struggled with my have ADHD? Here are a few mental health after starting actionable steps. Set up direct debits university. I was chasing It might seem like an easy one, dopamine by binge-eating most Remove the shame but setting up direct debits for as nights, and buying shots at the First things first, try to undo the many bill payments as possible club to distract my busy brain. I guilt. Self-shaming only makes can go a long way, helping you to kept mining further and further things worse. So, rather than avoid any of those pesky late fees. into my overdraft internally labelling any previous until there was financial decisions you made that nothing left. might have had repercussions as 'bad', try rebranding and viewing £ them as just 'decisions.' Then, there's accountability, but there's ? no 'b' word.</p><p>wellbeing I've lost track of the amount of I've had many a threatening mathematics that's been likened money I've lost over the years email when I've forgotten to dyslexia for numbers. because I forgot to pay a bill on to pay this money back, and "Reach out for help," she time. Having things automated that can be a stressful path to suggests. "If accounting and can help to alleviate that stress. traverse. bookkeeping is not your forte, Neurodiversity consultant Hester practises adding look into apps." Budgeting apps and ADHD coach Hester things to an online shopping like Financielle explain financial Grainger recommends bank basket and waiting 24 hours. concepts in an accessible, ADHD- accounts with round-up "Sometimes, just adding it can compatible way. settings, like Starling. "You be enough of a dopamine hit," Remember: it's OK to can set aside spaces to save she explains. communicate how you're for different things," Hester feeling about money. Keeping explains. "You can also add " that burden to yourself can be the round-up function to save huge - simply telling someone without realising. You choose a percentage to put to one side, ADHD costs the that you're struggling with it will at least lessen the emotional and every time you pay with turmoil. your card, it gets transferred average person By sharing, you're not asking immediately to a specific space." approximately anyone to pay off your debts for you - you're simply saying: "Hey, Banks like Monzo also offer £1,600 per year I'm struggling with this." And this service - I have a pot for that's OK. my holiday accompanied by a fun image and lots of emojis, to encourage that special dopamine Reach out for help hit I get from adding to it. Money isn't just numbers - it's Gamification works wonders. emotions. When I've overspent in the past, I've self-shamed and Wait before making buried that. purchases Kate Moryoussef - a Spotted a new jacket on ASOS wellbeing and lifestyle and instantly obsessed? It can coach for ADHD women, be all too tempting to add and host of 'The ADHD it straight to the basket Women's Wellbeing and check out - and if Podcast' - explains that you're anything like me, ADHDers often struggle you've heavily relied on with dyscalculia, a buy now, pay later schemes. difficulty in understanding</p><p>'You walk through mud and squishy moss as you journey through the lush, 'You follow a trail through moors and wet woods towards your mountains that your favourite writer quiet hideaway.' detailed in one of their lesser-known works.' walk beside the silent lake before the world has woken up.' 'You add pomegranate seeds and chopped mint leaves to your salad.' Escape the real world. Let the stress of day-to-day life drift away by spending some time indulging in these pastoral fantasies in your by only the ocean and a flock of hammock, you take scuttling seabirds, you daydream as you trace a long afternoon patterns in the sun-warmed sand.' nap and dream of the supper you will Enjoyed these daydreams? Find hundreds more, and get regular make this prompts, by following @apastoraldream on Twitter</p><p>a safe place The cemeteries full of life Aimée Grant Cumberbatch explores the cemeteries where life and death exist in harmony, and uncovers what these spaces can teach us about grief, bereavement, and our place in the world ehind my house, there B for eco-friendly burials, people children, these cemeteries were are dead people. Sounds are increasingly alive to the idea conceived as spaces for the living creepy, right? Depending of cemeteries as spaces for far and the dead. on your perspective, it is. My more than neat rows of graves and For wealthy Victorians, they were house backs on to a cemetery. grass, only visited by mourners. also places to display financial To be fair, as cemeteries go, it's Three cemeteries that are power, leading to ornate tombs not that creepy. Like others up wonderful examples of this are or statues atop graves. Families and down the UK, it's a haven for Ford Park Cemetery in Plymouth, would come to visit graves, but nature. In the spring and summer, Nunhead Cemetery in south also to picnic and admire trees or wildflowers, like bird's-foot-trefoil London, and Arnos Vale Cemetery botanical specimens. Cemeteries and common mallow, mingle in Bristol. Their histories were intended to be spaces of with grasses, left to grow long. mirror those of many Victorian beauty, leisure, and learning, as The sounds are the noisy squawks cemeteries, which became well as mourning. of parakeets, the cackling call of accidental wildlife refuges when Once the cemeteries began green woodpeckers, the shushing their owners' profits dried up. filling up, the profits for the of those grasses or the hum of During the early 1800s, private companies that ran chatty crickets hiding within. churchyards, where burials them dwindled, and many Not only can cemeteries traditionally took place, were were eventually left to become provide crucial wildlife habitats becoming overcrowded and overgrown and unkempt. At in urban areas, and access to unsanitary. So from 1832 Nunhead, the period of neglect green spaces for the humans cemeteries, starting with London's helped usher in wildlife, but that live nearby, they are also 'Magnificent Seven', were created for those charged with its uniquely contemplative spaces around the country to provide maintenance in the 21st century, that promote wellbeing in a new places for burials. In line with undoing some of its wildness is variety of ways. With awareness the Victorian experience of death essential. of the environmental impact of as ever-present, thanks to high Friends of Nunhead Cemetery human death fuelling demand mortality rates especially among (FONC) co-ordinator Jeff Hart</p><p>explains how the cemetery's years of neglect saw ash and sycamore trees self-seed unchecked. Two of the commonest trees in the cemetery, they are not always the most useful for wildlife. Part of the efforts of FONC, who work to conserve the cemetery, is to cut back and thin out these species, giving ground to slower growing varieties like beech, oak, hornbeam, and birch. It also allows for the creation of open spaces, ensuring the site has a diversity of habitat as well as trees, with areas of wetland, scrub, grassland, and even a hazel glade. These benefit a host of different wildlife, including 120 species of funghi, 60 species of bird, and 207 types of insect-one of which has never been recorded anywhere else. There are benefits for human visitors, too - FONC keeps a section of the cemetery clear of tall trees to ensure the view across to St Paul's Cathedral is preserved. The different areas provide interest, and FONC also includes botanical specimens that recall the common Victorian planting style. Striking a balance between the cemetery's present and its past, and its visitors - human and - is a key theme in the management of all three cemeteries. This includes balancing the sometimes conflicting expectations of what a cemetery should look like. One person's unmown,</p><p>wildlife-friendly grass is another's Janine Marriott, public unkempt and seemingly engagement manager at Arnos unmanaged space. Vale cemetery says: "A cemetery At all three cemeteries, there feels like a very natural space to are efforts to usher visitors and talk about [these things]. There's mourners into the journey of a lot of evidence to suggest that This opportunity to managing wildlife. Arnos Vale if you are comfortable talking uses signage to explain its work, about your own death and also situate death within and will create a mown path for make your relatives aware of wild spaces can offer anyone wishing to visit a grave in your end-of-life choices, it makes the cemetery's meadow-cut areas your passing easier for everyone. the chance to view it of longer grass. It's important People can be a bit superstitious, as part of something visitors know any seeming but talking about death definitely untidiness is by design, and serves doesn't kill you." bigger, part of the a purpose. Janine also notes the tranquillity circle of life Arnos Vale and Ford Park are of cemeteries is key. "At night, active cemeteries, and offer plots you get a lot fewer people using a in more traditionally-managed cemetery [than a park]. So badgers areas - think close-cut grass and foxes can roam freely without and neat rows of headstones. being disturbed. Also, most Janine explains that Arnos Vale But they also have wilder burial historic cemeteries were built is located between the A37 and areas. Here, mourners bury before the age of electricity. That the A4, the cemetery "is a their loved one in a coffin that means there's very little light on really important part of the green won't harm the environment as site. They are great dark spaces for lungs". Even if nearby residents it biodegrades, and, instead of wildlife." This tranquillity is good never visit a cemetery, they'll still headstones, might lay a small for humans, too: "They're quite get a health and wellbeing boost. wooden plaque or plant a native contemplative spaces. Unlike a But if they do visit, the wellbeing tree like hawthorn - beloved park, you haven't generally got benefits are manifold. These by butterflies and moths. This people kicking a football around," cemeteries are often sweeping opportunity to situate death says Janine. spaces - Nunhead is 52 acres, within wild spaces can offer What can make cemeteries an Arnos Vale is 45, and Ford Park the chance to view it as part of especially vital wellbeing resource is 32.5. But even when small, like something bigger, part of the is their accessibility. Ford Park, the cemetery behind my house, circle of life. Arnos Vale, and Nunhead are all they are places in which to lose But even for those who aren't located in urban areas, offering yourself, whether in the stories mourning, visits to cemeteries a green space for those living that the gravestones tell, the which are actively managed as nearby. Like other green spaces, architectural details of another spaces of both life and death they can also help improve air time, the buzz of pollinating present opportunities to adapt quality, but may be especially insects around wildflowers, the our relationship with mortality in effective as they often contain sunlight through leaves and helpful ways. Or at least just open many mature trees. These have branches, or even just in the up the subject to conversation, been found to clean air more atmosphere of these unique and thereby make it less taboo. efficiently than younger ones. spaces. happiful.com Issue 77 39</p><p>Ask the experts How can we improve our relationship with technology? Counsellor Donna Morgan answers your questions on teens, technology, and making sure your family have a healthy and balanced relationship with their phones Learn more on the Counselling Directory. Q I'm worried about the Time management is another glorified version of their lives, impact social media has vital aspect. Implementing which might be far from their on my child's self-esteem. screen-time limits can ensure actual reality. Teach them not to What can I do? a balanced exposure to the compare themselves with these virtual world. often-unrealistic images, and A Open communication about Encourage them to curate to think critically, question what their social media usage is their social media feeds to they see, and challenge harmful essential. Actively engage in their include accounts that promote stereotypes. digital world; ask about the people positivity, diversity, real-life Lastly, create a supportive they follow, the content they like, experiences, and inspiring atmosphere at home. Let them and how certain posts make them messages. This can aid in know they can approach you feel. This can help you understand creating a healthier, more with any issues they face online, if they're being influenced uplifting, online environment. reassuring them that they're negatively, which, in turn, can Remind your child that social not alone. Teach them to value help you understand their feelings media is a curated platform. their self-worth beyond digital better. Many users showcase a validation. Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family Helping you find the help you need</p><p>Tips for having a healthy relationship with technology: 1. Digital literacy. Teach teens how to use digital tools effectively and responsibly. 2. Balanced tech use. Encourage a balance between screen time and other activities. 3. Open communication. Maintain an open dialogue with your teenagers about their online experiences. Technology is our main loved ones, all of which can be 4. Model healthy behaviour. beneficial. form of entertainment Lead by example and show However, reliance solely on your teens what a healthy and family bonding. Is technology for family bonding relationship with technology that a bad thing? might limit opportunities for looks like. deeper emotional connections A Technology, when used that come from more traditional creating a well-rounded mix of thoughtfully, can provide activities, such as shared meals, activities, both digital and non- avenues for entertainment outdoor activities, and face-to- digital, we can help develop more and family bonding. It offers face conversations. robust and varied familial bonds. educational tools, access to While technology indeed offers So, let technology be a helpful vast information, interactive an array of benefits, it should tool in family life, but not games, and the opportunity to ideally supplement, not supersede the exclusive driver of family stay connected with distant offline family interactions. By relationships. Should I be worried Initiating 'time out' periods for themselves in nature, thereby about how much my phones, such as during family aligning with their circadian teenager relies on their dinners or prior to bedtime, is rhythms for improved health. a positive step. This rule should As parents, it's our mobile phone? apply to everyone. As adults, we responsibility to remain A In our digitally infused can inspire significant change vigilant. By ensuring a healthy world, it's no surprise that by leading by example. relationship with technology, teenagers' reliance on mobile Open discussions about the we can help them navigate phones is a topic of concern for potential impacts of phone this digital age while retaining many parents. usage are essential. Encourage the essence of interpersonal However, the key lies in your teenager to invest time in connections and the achieving a balanced usage. offline activities and immerse importance of wellbeing. happiful.com Issue 77 41</p><p>Restless night refreshers Three energy-boosting breakfasts to try after a bad night's sleep Writing Ferdia Earle ou stare at the clock Y Eggs and greens Add 2 tbsp olive oil to a frying pan blinking on the bedside on toast on a low heat. When warm, add table. It's 3am. Try the greens. Sauté until wilted. as you might, sleep just isn't Ingredients On a plate, layer the toast, greens, happening. Perhaps you were 2 eggs and eggs. up late in the glow of your 2 slices whole grain bread Season with salt, pepper, mustard laptop screen, working to a 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil and a squeeze of lemon. deadline. Or perhaps you have 1-2 handfuls leafy greens Season with salt, pepper, mustard woken too early in anticipation (spinach, chard, or kale) if using and a squeeze of lemon. of a big day. Whatever the Salt and pepper reason, it was a night of tossing 1/2 tsp mustard Ferdia says: Eggs are a winner after and turning and the arrival of 1 lemon a bad night, as they are packed with dawn is a welcome relief. protein and energising B vitamins. All of us will suffer bad nights, *Sea salt contains iodine which Toast provides quick-release energy, and while it's important to supports energy production, skip this while the fat in eggs is slower-burning. ensure that you usually sleep if you have high blood pressure. Dark greens contain energising well, knowing what to do when magnesium, potassium, and vitamins you sleep badly will better Method A, C, and K. support how energised you feel To poach the eggs, fill a Sautéeing them in oil increases the that day (and set you up for a saucepan with water and bring body's absorption of their fat-soluble better sleep the following night, to a boil. Reduce to a simmer. nutrients. Vitamin C in lemon enhances hopefully). Crack the egg (one at a time) in the absorption of iron from the greens, Here are three breakfast ideas a small bowl and slip into the combatting fatigue. The omega-3 in using ingredients you're likely water. Turn off the heat, cover, EV olive oil reduces inflammation in to have in your cupboards. Even and set a timer for 4 minutes. the body after a poor night's sleep. For the most sleep-deprived person While the eggs are poaching, variety, trade the eggs for scrambled should be able to make these! pop the bread in the toaster. silken tofu, or avocado and tomato. 42 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>food & health Granola and yoghurt Ingredients 100g Greek yoghurt 1 cup plain granola 1 small banana and/or 1 handful of berries Half a tsp cinnamon or 1 tsp raw honey (optional) 1 tbsp ground flaxseed or chia seeds 1 small handful of pumpkin seeds (optional) 1 small handful of raw nuts or 1 tbsp nut butter (optional) Fruit-loaded On medium heat, melt the Method pancakes butter or oil in a frying pan. In a bowl, add the yoghurt and Reduce the heat and add a ladle granola. Ingredients of batter to the pan. Wait until Slice the banana and add the 20g wholemeal flour (wheat, bubbles form then flip. berries. spelt, or other) Repeat until the batter is used Top with your nuts and seeds of 20g plain flour (wheat, or other) up. choice, a sprinkle of cinnamon, Half a tsp baking powder Serve your pancakes with your and a drizzle of honey. 1 egg fruits and toppings of choice. 45 ml whole milk (or Ferdia says: Oats are a fantastic alternative) Ferdia says: Nothing beats source of fibre and slow-release 1 tsp butter or coconut oil pancakes for that comforting, energy, especially combined with 1 small banana or a handful of indulgent feeling you sometimes the protein and fats in yoghurt, berries want after sleeping badly. This seeds, and nuts. Seeds are absolutely 1 tbsp peanut butter or 2 tbsp recipe includes fruit for a boost packed with vitamins and minerals, Greek yoghurt (optional) from natural sugars packaged in including those that support 1 tsp raw honey (optional) plenty of fibre. Bananas offer a energy production. Not to mention, great boost of energy thanks to their both chia and flaxseeds are anti- Method potassium content, while berries inflammatory thanks to their high Combine the dry ingredients are packed with anti-inflammatory omega-3 content. in a mixing bowl. phytonutrients and antioxidants In a separate bowl, beat - blackberries and strawberries in the egg. Add the milk and particular are high in vitamin C, Ferdia Earle is a registered combine. which supports energy production. nutritional therapist and functional medicine Slowly add the wet ingredients Peanut butter and/or Greek practitioner. Find out to the dry ingredients, mixing yoghurt provides additional more on her profile at the until a thick batter forms. protein and healthy fats. Nutritionist Resource. happiful.com Issue 77 43</p><p>Libraries: A place to be safe Walk through the threshold of a library and, between the shelves, you'll find something special brewing. From reading lists to guide you through hard times, to a place to feel safe and warm, libraries are stepping up for communities - and everyone is welcome Writing Kathryn Wheeler Illustrating Rosan Magar arol Murdoch grew up beacon of happiness, just sitting I'm told a story by Suffolk C in Edinburgh - not the there." This building was Carol's Libraries, about a young couple 'nice' side of Edinburgh, local library, and it's where her who arrived looking to apply for she's quick to note. Back story begins. But first, let's jump a disabled bus pass. While they then, in the 80s, it was dubbed back to the 19th century. were there, they asked about the 'heroin capital of Europe', a In 1852, something rather the warm rooms on offer, and culture that was highlighted by radical happened in Manchester, two days later arrived and went Irvine Welsh's 1993 Trainspotting when the first public library to be straight into one. A short while and is still present today, with set up under the provisions of the later, the young man asked to Scotland seeing almost four- Public Libraries Act 1850 opened speak with a member of staff, times as many drug-related its doors. Using local authority explaining their difficult situation deaths than the UK average. For funding, stocking 18,028 books and the young woman's downturn Carol, drug use was something (at a cost of £4,156, about in health. Their housing was you found on your doorstep - £480,000 today), what was once precarious, and their home was but, just five minutes down the reserved for only a small fraction freezing cold, which didn't help road, was its rival. of society, was suddenly available the woman's health. With the She shows me a photo of a for all. couple's permission, the member building. It's single-storey, sitting These spaces provide free of staff put them in touch with among grey and brown, angular education, information, support, local councillors, and within 48 tower blocks. There is a lot of and escapism - and their goal hours, warm blankets, quilts, concrete, and a dark sky, but was to go some way towards duvet sets, and emergency food the building in focus is bursting levelling the playing field of an was organised for them. with colour, each wall, from unlevel society. They were radical "What always blows me away roadside to roof, is covered in art. then and, in the context of today, around my front-line colleagues "Beautiful graffiti," Carol says. "A they still are. is that they will come and tell 44 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>me a story about what they've done, and they'll just treat it like an everyday thing," says Suffolk Libraries Deputy CEO Krystal Vittles. "I'll stand there with my mouth open like, you do realise that's amazing?" What's happening at Suffolk Libraries is the perfect example of the harmonious synergy between wellbeing support and libraries. It makes sense that these institutions, with their radical, forward-thinking history, step up for modern communities in creative ways. In Suffolk, the offerings are fruitful - everything from a dedicated health and wellbeing service to Men Can Talk sessions, a period poverty service, a menopause support project, fitness sessions, cancer support groups, and a new book She also highlights their "Our mobile service is kind of collection to help people navigate home library service, designed similar to our home service," bereavement, are open to all. for those who want to use the Krystal continues. "You've got a When asked what one of her library, but who can't make bus coming round to the rural favourite offerings is, Krystal it in. Volunteers go out and villages, and people are changing points to a scheme called Open meet people, taking their their books - but, actually, if Space, a peer-to-peer support book requests and bringing you ever spend time on those group attended by mental them back. Krystal explains buses, our mobile library health experts. It isn't a clinical that, while initially it may bus managers come into the intervention, and it may not seem as though the visits community, they have chats, and be a replacement for other are purely transaction, you they know people's names to the forms of support, but anyone find that they're also about point where if they are a regular can come along and enter the human connection - leading customer - and perhaps have non-judgemental space to speak to conversations about the some vulnerability maybe around freely about what they are going world around them, life, and, of age or health - and they don't through. course, books. turn up as they usually would, 46 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>safe place they'll give them a ring and check our door, you are treated exactly everything is OK. I just don't the same, no matter what you think you can put a monetary have in your bank account or how value on that." you dress, and no matter how you Anyone who comes But, uniquely, in a way, present yourself. And that's all through our door, Suffolk Libraries actually can. about dignity." you are treated In independent research by Returning to Carol, and when consultants Moore Kingston I put this sentiment to her, it exactly the same Smith, impact analysis of Suffolk certainly rings true. Libraries found that services "There is nowhere else in society When beloved author Malorie generate £41 million worth of where you can go and just be Blackman spoke at Hay Festival 'social value' (a measurement accepted, and not have to spend back in June of this year, increasingly used by businesses money," she says. "My mum had she echoed a lot of the same and local authorities to better four kids, there wasn't any money sentiments, sharing how libraries understand impact beyond to spend. But Mum could take us saved her life, and were the profit), estimating it to save in there, and we could walk away reason she became a writer. In NHS services in Suffolk around with a bag of books each. It didn't the face of underfunding and £542,000 per year. matter that they were going back closures, she called for libraries It's that safe space in the to the library, you got that bag full to be "ring fenced and protected", community, that limitless access of books, and you had pride in adding: "I wouldn't be talking to to information, education, having that bag." you now if it wasn't for my local and support, and a place for Like a library, Carol's story has library." reflection, that make libraries a cyclical element. Her first job One way we can protect them successful in supporting was at the National Library of is by making full use of them, wellbeing. Plus, as Krystal Scotland, working as a cleaner, an act that's made all the easier points out, they provide another starting each morning at 4 am. by the magic that's to be found important element: a sense of Later, when she was training in being surrounded by books, dignity. to become a primary school and by book lovers. A safe space "There's a narrative around teacher, she returned to work in for those who need guidance, people who are experiencing the library near her childhood support, or just a bit of escapism, poverty, whether it's that they home. Today, she is the author these unique institutions are a get looked down on, or the of Breaking into the Playground, a wonder to behold. So whether patronising language around guide to outdoor teaching. "Going you're looking for your next good them. In this country, some from an early morning cleaner at read, or for the uplifting power people treat it like a moral failing, the National Library of Scotland, of a supportive community, all if people haven't got money. But to knowing that my book is in it takes to unlock the magic of in libraries, we completely reject there, and it will forever be in a library is stepping over the that. Anyone who comes through there, is unbelievable," she says. threshold. happiful.com Issue 77 47</p><p>4 signs a workplace is guilty of wellbeing washing Is it all too good to be true? Learn how to spot the signs that a company's wellbeing promises are merely surface level Writing Stacey Carter ith awareness of W government's Health and Safety things to say about a company on mental health Executive (HSE), 12.8 million sites such as Glassdoor, chances issues growing, working days were lost in 2018-19 are that your experience will be employers are now, more than due to stress, depression, and similar, if not the same. ever before, being expected anxiety - but that doesn't always "While reading these reviews, to offer more than the usual happen. you may notice a common theme benefits package when "What's lacking in the work or narrative," says Sedef. "This advertising job roles. However, environment ends up impacting can give you some insight into so-called washing' the employee's mental health what aspects the organisation is becoming an increasing and wellbeing," says Sedef. "This may be lacking in." problem in the workplace, with can have serious repercussions Some red flags to watch out many organisations claiming on the mechanics of running for when looking at company to prioritise mental health, an organisation successfully, as reviews include poor work-life but failing to safeguard their good mental health is a crucial balance, understaffing, and employees' mental wellbeing. underpinning of employee poor leadership, as well as other "Wellbeing washing is when performance." indications of toxic work culture an organisation advertises This disparity in what such as discrimination, bullying, themselves to be advocates for companies offer on paper, and low morale. These points can wellbeing and mental health. compared to the support they all indicate that a company lacks Unfortunately, the reality actually provide, can lead to an effective wellbeing strategy. is that a lot of the time this many people feeling unsupported isn't implemented," explains by their workplace. But, 2. There is a quick psychotherapist Sedef Salim. understanding what wellbeing turnaround of employees "Wellbeing washing can conceal washing is, and how it manifests, "If you notice that several the fundamental issues at play, can help us navigate it when employees are leaving and and employees can begin to get a it arises. So, how can you spot resigning all at once, this strong sense of this contradiction, the signs that, behind the big could be an indication that the between what benefits they were wellbeing claims, something isn't organisation hasn't carried out promised as employees, and what adding up? certain actions that they had that actually looks like." originally advertised to potential Getting employee wellbeing 1. The organisation candidates," says Sedef. right should be a priority for has a bad reputation If you are already working at companies - as, according to You can probably assume that the company, this is something research conducted by the if past employees have negative that you will see first-hand. But if 48 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>wellbeing Sedef Salim is an integrative psychotherapist offering counselling and hypnotherapy. Find out more on the Counselling Directory. 4. The culture feels toxic How we feel at work can have a huge impact on our mental wellbeing. One study from the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health showed that employees in a highly competitive environment tended to struggle with their mental health more than others. "Toxic work culture can make us feel like we have to edit ourselves," says Sedef. "Perhaps we notice some employees getting more leeway than others, or we pick up on a sense of favouritism happening in the workplace. All of this can create feelings of stress around how safe our position is." Finding a workplace environment that places a high you're looking into a prospective "A company may be good at value on employee wellbeing isn't company, you may be able to pick advertising all the benefits always easy, but it's important up on this on a site like Glassdoor, that come with the job, such as that we demand more of or you can ask about average their value for their employees companies, and ask them how employee turnover in interviews. and awareness of employee they deliver on their wellbeing wellbeing," says Sedef. "But initiatives. 3. They don't deliver if your annual leave requests "Employers need to open up on their promises get denied and you find an honest dialogue with their Companies like to talk about the yourself doing overtime, then employees about the type of benefits they can offer, but a key a wellness walk or a dedicated support they're looking for," adds marker of organisations that are meditation room just doesn't Sedef. "This will communicate to guilty of wellbeing washing, is their cut it, and brushes over bigger employees that their voices are failure to back those benefits up. issues." being heard." h happiful.com Issue 77 49</p><p>Happiful recommends From a colourful walking challenge to a selfless fundraising idea, try something new that's guaranteed to boost your wellbeing Writing | Lauren Bromley-Bird ACT OF KINDNESS 3 Birthday fundraising Make your birthday extra special this year by giving back to a charity close to your heart. Simply set up a Facebook fundraising or a JustGiving page, and ask family and friends to donate the money they would have usually spent on you towards supporting a good cause instead. LEND US YOUR EARS PAGE-TURNERS A Year of Watercolour: A 4 'Something Rhymes with Purple' A podcast about vocabulary might initially take you back to the classroom, but if you're looking to learn Seasonal Guide to Botanical something new, it's definitely one to try. Endearing duo Watercolour Painting by Harriet Susie Dent and Gyles Brandreth invite you to share their de Winton love for vocabulary, as they explore the hidden origins of language Looking to brush up on your and dive into a new word each painting skills? Explore the week. (Available on all podcast world of watercolour as award- platforms) winning artist and tutor Harriet Winton guides you on how to create stunning masterpieces PLUGGED-IN of botanical art that capture the beauty of each season. Ocean therapy (llex Press, out 31 August) Let yourself be transported to a place of serenity 2 OUT AND ABOUT with a series of ocean-themed videos, and watch as the waves Rainbow walk gently lap against the shore. Sit Put your phone away, slow down, and add some colour back and let the meditative power to your outdoor adventures with a rainbow walk. Embark on a journey of the sea wash all over you, even of exploration and scour your environment for objects or plants that if you are miles away from the match each colour of the rainbow, documenting it as you go, either coast. (Follow@ocean_therapy through photography, sketching, or writing. on TikTok) 50 Issue 77 happiful.com</p><p>culture TECH TIP-OFFS Google Lens Google Lens is the perfect solution for when you see something that catches your eye, but can't find the words to search for it. Whether you've seen a flower that you want to identify or a piece of furniture that you want the details of, simply snap a picture and let Google handle the rest. LESSON LEARNED (Available on all platforms) 6 Become a Heimlich hero Are you familiar with the essential steps to identify 8 GET GOING and effectively handle a choking Cycling emergency? In just as little as 15 We get it, working out can minutes, you can equip yourself with sometimes feel like a drag, but with the skills required to confidently cycling, you can get your heart step up in crisis situations and pumping and your muscles moving potentially save someone's life with without feeling like you're grinding the Heimlich manoeuvre. away. With low impact on your (Visit heimlichheroes.com for joints, and endless scenic routes their guidance) to explore, cycling is the perfect outdoor exercise for all fitness SQUARE EYES 9 levels, saddle up! WIN A BLOOM IN SOAP AROMATHERAPY CANDLE Spy in the Ocean As a highly anticipated sequel to the 2017 docuseries Spy in For your chance to win, the Wild, this immersive documentary has returned to dive simply email your answer into the magnificent realms of the ocean. Cleverly disguised as marine to the following question to life, the animatronic cameras provide an extraordinary insight into the competitions@happiful.com awe-inspiring world of the ocean's most magnificent creatures. (Watch on BBC iPlayer) Which scent is commonly used in candles to promote 10 TREAT YOURSELF relaxation and reduce stress? Bloom in Soap's Ginger Lily & Ylang-Ylang a) Peppermint Aromatherapy Candle b) Lavender Unleash the power of aromatherapy and embrace the beauty of nature c) Lemon with Bloom in Soap's candle. Not only does it fill your space with the delicate floral allure of ginger lily and ylang-ylang, but it also comes *Competition closes 31 September 2023. with a plantable label that lets you grow your very own wildflowers to UK mainland and Northern Ireland only. cultivate a blooming personal sanctuary. (£13 at bloominsoap.co.uk) T&Cs apply. Good luck! happiful.com Issue 77 51</p>
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