8-Massive-Mistakes

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8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making
In Relationships
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Let’s start o ation:
Relationships can be hard.
You may have a high-powered job, a spacious 
home, an incredible body, and the greatest friends 
and family, and yet it’s still tricky to create and 
maintain a happy, lasting relationship.
But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try.
If you’re anything like me – and most of my other 
head upon reading the list below.
It may hurt to realize you’ve made mistakes along 
the way that have pushed some good men away 
and caused you to waste time on the wrong men.
That’s okay. It’s all part of the journey.
a shorter period of time - whether a man is worth keeping.
you.
Every second you’re with the wrong guy is a second you’re not looking for the right 
one.
Warmest wishes and much love,
Your friend,
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8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in 
Relationships
Mistake #1: You treat him as if he’s the last man on Earth.
Mistake #2: You act as if he’s going to leave you.
Mistake #3: You treat him as if he’s temporary and you’re looking to do 
better.
Mistake #4: You forget you’re in control of your love life – not him.
Mistake #5: You can’t accept him as he is.
Mistake #6: You make him wrong instead of trying to understand him.
Mistake #7: You mistake chemistry for compatibility.
Mistake #8: You forget that your boyfriend wants to make you happy.
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8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
Mistake #1: You treat him as if he’s the last man on Earth.
marathon. That searching, those bad dates, those awkward breakups, that deep-
You’ve found your soulmate and you’ve never felt more connected.
Time passes. Six months. One year. Two years.
At some point, you realize your soulmate is not acting like a soulmate.
Turns out the guy you’re madly in love with has some serious issues that you didn’t 
notice at the beginning.
He doesn’t make you feel heard or respected.
He may struggle with drugs, alcohol, employment.
He lies. He’s not a great communicator.
You may love this man with all your heart, but when you get right down to it:
You’re unhappy.
You wrestle with your options. Keep your mouth shut and deal with it. Ask him to 
join you in couples therapy. Threaten to leave him if things don’t improve. All of 
the above.
Next thing you know, two years have passed (maybe twenty years have passed!) – 
and you’re still miserable. All for one reason:
You treated him as if he was the last man on earth.
He’s not.
invested in him, the truth is that men are like buses: one leaves, another one 
shows up.
If you stay on the wrong bus out of loyalty or love, you’re bound to end up in the 
wrong destination – a sad relationship that doesn’t provide the joy and support 
you deserve.
If your relationship is continually making you unhappy, you owe it to yourself 
irreversibly broken. 
[ ]if your relationship is continually making you unhappy,you owe it to yourself to leave.8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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Mistake #2: You act as if he’s going to leave you.
I get it. Men leave all the time.
They give you the slow fade after sex.
They ghost after seeing you for a month.
They break up after wasting three years of your life.
around.
It’s true: the odds that you marry the next guy on Tinder are remarkably slim.
And yet, there is a common and dangerous false assumption you make after all 
this pain and rejection: the idea that the next guy has ANYTHING to do with the 
last guy.
He doesn’t. Not at all.
My wife had two boyfriends and a husband cheat on her before she met me.
Does that mean that I’m going to cheat on her? No.
Does that mean that she should go through my social media, text messages and 
browser history to unearth information that suggests I may not marry her? No.
Does that mean she should try to ask unsubtle leading questions while we’re 
responsible (I am) and whether I plan on marrying her (I have no idea!)?
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One of the great dangers of dating is taking your experience with men and 
extrapolating it to assume that every single man is the same: a player, a pig, a jerk, 
a loser – and that you’d better be vigilant about rooting these guys out.
When you enter a relationship with your guard up, and lead with fear rather than 
trust, an unfortunate thing happens:
The man you’re dating will not feel trusted around you.
The man you’re dating will not feel accepted around you.
The man you’re dating will not be able to be himself around you.
The man you’re dating will not have as much fun around you.
The man you’re dating will lose attraction to you.
If that sounds like a steep price to pay just for acting like he’s going to leave, you’re 
right.
Trustworthy men want to be trusted.
They don’t want to pay for the sins of all the men in your past.
They are innocent until proven guilty, not guilty until they “earn your trust.” 
If you’ve ever had a needy boyfriend who texted you 42 times a day, was insanely 
jealous of your exes, didn’t want you to go anywhere without him, tried to monitor 
your every move, and needed constant reinforcement that you were attracted to 
him, loved him, and weren’t going to leave him, wouldn’t it get a bit tiring?
Yes, it does for us as well.
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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[ ]Trustworthy men wantto be trusted.8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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Mistake #3: You treat him as if he’s temporary and you’re 
looking to do better.
Have you ever dated a guy who was decidedly noncommittal?
He didn’t talk about a future. He didn’t tell you he loved you.
He saw you regularly but you didn’t feel the intimacy was really growing.
When you were together, it was great. When you were apart, you were never quite 
sure if you were going to see him again.
That was intentional. He didn’t want you to get too attached to him.
Maybe he wasn’t in a place to have a relationship. Maybe he wasn’t that attracted 
Maybe he was dating you until he found someone better.
That felt terrible, didn’t it? Sounds like he could have handled things much more 
honestly and sensitively. The question is whether you’ve ever done the exact same 
thing to a man
His feelings about you are 100% clear and yet, for some vague reason, you can’t 
seem to let down your guard. You keep him at arm’s length. You don’t return his 
You’re certainly in no rush to plan ahead, meet his family, or say the “L-Word.”
Naturally, you’re as entitled to be confused and ambivalent as the very men you 
date.
usually leave. They have no patience for being treated like your safety school or 
Plan B.
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Men want to be appreciated and admired - and if your actions indicate that you’re 
elsewhere.
It’s incredibly common for women who have been hurt to put up walls. If you 
never let a man in, a man can never hurt you. The problem is that you will also 
never experience true intimacy until you let down your guard and make him feel 
special.
So, counterintuitive as it might seem, the sooner you start treating your man as a 
relationship.
Treat him as if you’re too busy, independent and scared to commit and you’re 
going to lose all the best guys to women who are already in touch with their 
vulnerability.
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
[ ]you will never experience true intimacyuntil youlet your guard down8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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Mistake #4 - You forget you’re in control of your love life – 
not him.
There’s a dangerous myth out there that men have all the power in relationships.
After all, men are the ones who approach you online.
Men are the ones who ask you out on a date.
Men are the ones who follow up to ask you out again.
Men are the ones who make the move to have sex.
Men are the ones who ask to be exclusive.
Men are the ones who get on one knee to propose to you.
So, doesn’t that men that men are in completecontrol of everything?
Doesn’t that mean that you have to just sit back and passively wait for men to do 
everything?
Doesn’t that mean you are screwed if men don’t take action because you’re not 
going to suddenly start asking men out, pushing for sex, and buying engagement 
rings?
No, no, and no.
If you believe that the dating dynamic is this simple and binary, then, indeed, 
completely dictated by men.
However, now that you’re on my mailing list, you can now embrace your role as 
CEO of your love life. In other words, whatever happens next depends on YOUR 
approval.
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• YOU’RE the one who writes back to his email.
• YOU’RE the one who says yes or no to his date.
• YOU’RE the one who agrees to kiss him or not.
• YOU’RE the one who decides to call him back after he follows up for a second
date.
• YOU’RE the one who sets limits on when you decide to have sex.
• YOU’RE the one who determines if he’s worthy of being called your boyfriend.
• YOU’RE the one who has to accept his marriage proposal.
In other words, we can just as easily say that YOU have full control of your destiny.
If, at any point, you’re unhappy with your man’s performance, you can swiftly 
break up with him and let him know you’re taking new applicants for the role of 
husband.
No matter how frustrating dating can be, you are a powerful woman. Please don’t 
forget it by giving all your power away.
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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[ ]No matter how frustratingdating can be,you are a powerful woman.8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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Mistake #5: You can’t accept him as he is.
I’m 5’9”, a little overweight, get injured very easily and have a low libido.
I am a know-it-all. I argue politics with strangers. I talk more than I listen. I tell 
endless stories about my exes. And I’m usually surrounded by women at parties.
My wife knows all of this and yet she STILL married me!
Could you imagine? Poor woman!
One of the most interesting things I’ve noticed as a dating coach is that we expect 
our partners to be perfect. Despite all evidence, we somehow hold out hope that 
won’t have to make any of the compromises we routinely make elsewhere.
Consider:
job, you have to put up with something in order to stay there.
Same with your choice of home. One may have to compromise on everything 
from location, square footage, taxes, bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchen, utilities, rent 
vs. buying, garage, pool, storage space, public schools, freeway access, weather, 
crime, cost of living, etc.
So why do you expect that when you meet your future soulmate, he will be a 
collection of all good qualities and no bad ones? ☺
Admit it; you do!
You want him to be a self-made millionaire – who is home at 5:30pm for dinner. 
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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hrs/day.
You want him to be brilliant – but not overly cerebral, uptight, intense, awkward or 
condescending.
You want him to be funny and charismatic – but not to the point that he attracts
too many other women with his big personality.
You want him to be sensitive to your needs – but not a weak pushover who doesn’t 
have any mind of his own.
Every man you meet will have traits you don’t like. That’s normal.
Your question, then, is limited to just one thing:
Can you live with his negative traits for the rest of your life (without complaining)?
If you can’t accept him EXACTLY as he is RIGHT NOW, then dump him.
[ ]Every man you meet will have traits you don’t like.That’s normal.8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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Mistake #6: You make him wrong instead of trying to 
understand him.
First, let me acknowledge that there are some pretty bad guys out there: 
narcissists, sociopaths, liars, players and commitment phobes.
We’re not talking about them right now.
For the sake of this argument, we’re talking about normal, sane, secure, stable, 
marriage-oriented men – and yes, there are plenty of them out there.
opinion and personality than you, there is one priceless way to make the most of 
your relationship.
Don’t make him “wrong” for feeling the way he feels.
I describe this at great length in my Love U coaching program, but the second you 
make a guy feel “wrong,” you’re essentially attacking him and invalidating his point 
of view.
That doesn’t feel good – and it doesn’t lead to healthy communication.
He says he doesn’t want to drive four hours for your cousin’s son’s sixth birthday.
That doesn’t mean you should call him names, guilt him or shame him.
It literally means one thing: he doesn’t want to drive four hours for your cousin’s 
son’s sixth birthday – probably because he has other things he’d rather do with his 
weekend.
Which is a perfectly reasonable stance from an otherwise good boyfriend. And 
that’s why everything has to be put into greater context before you start to judge 
or react.
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If he NEVER calls you, comes over when you’re sick, plans in advance, listens to 
you vent, leaves his weekends open, makes date nights, or takes the time to meet 
summarily dumped.
On the other hand, if you have a boyfriend who does most of the above (with only 
a bit of grumbling), and he says he wants to skip one long, boring day with your 
extended family, that might be an instance in which you can let him have his way.
needs than you.
In a healthy relationship, two people naturally agree 95% of the time. The other 
5%, you have the right to set healthy boundaries and put your foot down.
Maybe that means saying no when he says he wants to turn the baby room into a 
man cave.
Maybe that means saying no when he expects you to be the sole breadwinner so 
he can become a full-time artist.
Maybe that means saying no when he refuses to come to your family Christmas 
and insisting he step up for this once-per-year occasion.
anyone else.
Which is why the best thing you can do is put yourself in your boyfriend’s shoes 
and see if you can understand where he’s coming from, rather than insisting HE 
put himself in YOUR shoes to understand where YOU’RE coming from.
This doesn’t mean men are always right – not by a longshot. It means that to be 
in a successful relationship, you have to choose your battles and validate your 
partner’s needs – exactly the way a good boyfriend should do for you.
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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[ ]the best thing you can do isput yourself in your boyfriend’s shoes8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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Mistake #7: You mistake chemistry for compatibility.
Admit it: you’ve met a man who you thought was your soulmate.
Your chemistry was through the roof.
Your sex was mind-blowing.
Your connection was otherworldly.
Your similarities were uncanny.
Truly, in your entire life, you never had a connection this deep, this real, this 
exciting.
For obvious reasons, you came to an undeniable conclusion:
You “just knew” that it was right.
And because you “just knew” he was your soulmate, you knew you’d be together 
forever.
He said it. You said it. Therefore, it must be true.
Except, of course, it wasn’t true.
In fact, every time you’ve “just known” that a man was “the one,” you’ve been 
incorrect. In a perfect world, this would be informative:
“Hmm…every time I’ve had that intense feeling of chemistry, it’s mislead me into 
thinking that I was experiencing something unique and divine. Furthermore, every time 
I’ve had that intense feeling of chemistry, I’ve swept a whole lot of bad behavior under 
the rug – and didn’t even realize it until it was much too late.”
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Look back on those men you thought were “the one.”
What was wrong with them? When did you see it? Why didn’t you see it sooner?
Chemistry.
Chemistry explains how you end up with toxic narcissists, liars, slackers, losers, 
and men who don’t knowhow to communicate.
I’m not anti-chemistry, no more than I’m anti-alcohol, but we can both admit that 
right?
So, the next time you have that intense “oh-my-god-you-just-know” feeling, just 
recognize it for what it is – a wonderfully intoxicating experience that has virtually 
no bearing on whether you’re compatible for the rest of your life.
That’s why you date a man for a long time before you marry him – because you 
want to see what kind of man you have on your hands AFTER the chemistry wears 
Is he consistent? Is he kind? Does he communicate? Does he have high character? 
Does he value commitment?
If the answer is no to any of those, your chemistry won’t make you happy in the 
long-run.
Chemistry is a wonderful sensation, but compatibility is what ultimately 
determines your future together.
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
[ ]You want to see what kind ofman you have on your handsAFTER the chemistry wears o8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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Mistake #8: You forget that your boyfriend wants to make 
you happy.
Dating is an emotional endeavor.
We take everything personally. Every email that goes unanswered on Match. Every 
text that is summarily ignored. Every person who is attracted to you but doesn’t 
want to date you. Every person who dates you but doesn’t want to commit to you.
It hurts. How can it not?
But somewhere in that maelstrom of emotions, you have to tap into your logical 
side.
The person who doesn’t respond to your email on Match may have 50 other 
people emailing him at the same time.
The person who ignores your texts may have had a great fourth date with 
someone else and is starting to explore that relationship.
The person who is attracted to you but doesn’t want to date you may be driven by 
sex and has little to give to you emotionally.
The person who dates you but doesn’t want to commit may be saving you years of 
There’s a glass-half-full side to every glass-half-empty story.
And so it goes when I hear stories about terrible boyfriends. Again, I’m not 
defending bad behavior – liars, cheaters, abusers, sociopaths – all need to be 
kicked to the curb ASAP.
your boyfriend, guess what?
He wants to make you happy!
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I hear all this talk about men playing games – as if the guy who voluntarily signed 
up for the job of being your boyfriend is sitting there thinking, “How can I mess with 
that will upset her and take no ownership of it?”
When you say it out loud, it sounds laughable, doesn’t it? :)
It would take a sadist to actively plot how to hurt someone intentionally, much less 
try to hurt the one person he values more than anyone else – his own girlfriend!
When your boyfriend does something “wrong” – and he will – you MUST remember 
that he is not trying to harm you. Whatever he’s done comes from an innocent 
(and perhaps ignorant) place.
Maybe he doesn’t see the world as you do.
Maybe he’s not as sensitive as you are.
Maybe he didn’t know how important it was to you.
Maybe he’s clueless.
All of those are much more realistic explanations for his behavior than “My 
boyfriend is a dick who doesn’t care about anybody but himself.”
As a man who has been a boyfriend (and a husband) for many years, the simple 
truth is that we usually have no idea what we’ve done wrong, what you’re upset 
All we know is that we’re doing our best and our best never seems to be good 
enough.
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Instead of assuming the worst motives from your otherwise solid boyfriend, try 
• Your boyfriend doesn’t want to hurt you.
• Your boyfriend doesn’t want to make you cry.
• 
know what the right thing is (since he’s not you).
• Your boyfriend is entitled to disagree on what the right thing is, because you are
not the only person with feelings and opinions in your relationship.
• Your boyfriend would likely apologize right away if you didn’t start by attacking
him for being an insensitive jerk.
In Love U, I do an entire week of videos on How to Talk with Men, but if you want 
just a thumbnail sketch: try talking to him as if he’s a trusted ally who wants to 
make you happy, instead of treating him like a disappointing enemy who’s actively 
trying to upset you.
you – all by treating him better yourself. ☺
8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
[ ]Try talking to him as if he’s atrusted ally who wants to make you happy8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
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Check out those 8 Mistakes again:
Mistake #1: You treat him as if he’s the last man on Earth.
Mistake #2: You act as if he’s going to leave you.
Mistake #3: You treat him as if he’s temporary and you’re looking to 
do better.
Mistake #4: You forget you’re in control of your love life – not him.
Mistake #5: You can’t accept him as he is.
Mistake #6: You make him wrong instead of trying to understand him.
Mistake #7: You mistake chemistry for compatibility.
Mistake #8: You forget that your boyfriend wants to make you happy.
There’s a lot there and I don’t expect you to digest it all at once.
What I do hope is that you can take a step back from the emotions that invariably 
come up around this sensitive subject and ask yourself how many of these 
mistakes you’ve made.
If you’re like most of the women I’ve worked with, the answer is ALL of them. ☺
So don’t feel bad. We all make mistakes. What separates the smartest, most 
successful women from the rest is that you take responsibility and learn from your 
mistakes.
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8 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Relationships
Billed as a personal trainer for smart, strong, successful 
women," dating coach Evan Marc Katz has been helping 
singles since 2003. He is the author of four books, most 
recently, "Believe in Love," and has been featured in 
hundreds of media outlets, including Today, the New York 
Times , and CNN. Since 2016, Evan's blog has received over 
20 million readers and thousands of women have 
graduated from Love U, his six-month video course that 
helps women understand men and find love. Evan is very 
happily married and lives in Los Angeles with his wife and 
their two children.
That's why I created Love U - my comprehensive, interactive, coaching course and 
community that takes you from confused to committed in just six months.
Since 2015, thousands of women have graduated Love U with more confidence in 
their ability to navigate dating and make smart, healthy, long-term relationship 
choices. 
I understand if you feel you’ve hit bottom and there’s no hope in finding a “nice guy 
with edge”, but I promise, if you stick with me, I’m going to help you meet him fast. 
In coming days, you’ll receive a link to read the Pyramid of Love – a six-step process 
with some of my favorite dating and relationship advice. 
You will get tips about Confidence, Meeting Men, Dating, Understanding Men, 
Relationships and Commitment – the very pillars of success that make up the Love 
U curriculum.
By the time you’re done with Love U, you’ll learn how to quickly recognize when a 
man doesn’t have long-term potential and exactly what it feels like when you DO 
meet Mr. Right.
Warmest wishes and much love,
Your friend,
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